Poop Unexplained bowel movements at work stall

DJJasonp · 09-27-2010, 08:38 PM

I call on the planet's wisdom for help...

At my work, we have a private men's bathroom that the public does not have access to. In this bathroom, there are two sit-down stalls. One is pretty narrow, and the other is pretty wide with enough space to stretch out, feel comfortable.....get the job done!

The problem lies with the bigger stall (the one everyone who has access wants to use).....

Someone, and I'm not sure who yet.....somehow "stains" the toilet. And we're not talking about the normal, what clorox might call "stubborn stains".....we're talking.....wait for it.......THE FRIGGIN' TOP OF THE SEAT!!!

It's not the top of the seat in the front (picture the upside down 'U' which is the seat......the stains are at the curved portion of the 'U').

These stains are significant enough (and they happen frequently enough) that this is definitely no accident!

Now...to the question of how this happens.....I've surmised only two possible scenarios as to how the stains appear on top of the toilet seat:

A) The offender-in-question somehow hovers over the seat, making no contact with said seat....and lets 'er rip....thus, initiating a "carpet bombing" effect.....OR

B) The offender-in-question has a yet-to-be-classified birth defect whereas the buttocks region contains a 2nd (or 3rd) butthole.....with a very unfortunate placement nearer the waistline, rather than the normal ground-zero area.

In addition to this, many times I'll visit this stall and find random, what I'll call "untidiness" on the seat. The only way I can explain it is that it looks like someone got naked, and rolled around in grass clippings or wiped a lint-screen on their butt somehow.

It makes, too often for my comfort, an unpleasant work bathroom experience.

Anyone else face these atrocities at work?

Should I put up a sign with instructions? Maybe some visual aids on how to and how not to....use the facilities?

**ChiTown** · 09-27-2010, 08:47 PM

**Kyle DeLexus** · 09-27-2010, 08:49 PM

Whoever it is needs to start utilizing the A.C. Slater technique because right now they are dropping napalm

DJJasonp · 09-27-2010, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kyle DeLexus

Whoever it is needs to start utilizing the A.C. Slater technique

I'm intrigued....do tell!

**Kyle DeLexus** · 09-27-2010, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJJasonp

I'm intrigued....do tell!

**cdcox** · 09-27-2010, 08:55 PM

This problem is easily solved. When you get to work in the morning, piss all over the toilet seat. Everyone will go to the smaller stall. When you need to poop, just wipe down the seat with TP (urine is sterile). When you finish your business, hose down the seat again in case you need to come back later in the day.

yhf · 09-27-2010, 08:57 PM

The solution to your problem is quite simple. Don't shit while you are on the clock. Workday shitbreaks indicate poor work ethic.

DJJasonp · 09-27-2010, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yhf

The solution to your problem is quite simple. Don't shit while you are on the clock. Workday shitbreaks indicate poor work ethic.

But that's where all the real important decisions are made at my work!

**Gadzooks** · 09-27-2010, 09:03 PM

I’ve been known to leave a lint screen residue on warmer days. But it wasn’t me.
I prefer to poop alone on my personal throne.

Delano · 09-27-2010, 09:04 PM

DJJasonp! You wanted in on this poop
war from the start.
The outcast. The slut. The bitch. The
whore. The lonely, sad, slutty, bitchy whore.
Posted via Mobile Device

arrowheadnation · 09-27-2010, 09:22 PM

Sounds like to me someone has a case of the screamin' Commanches or the green apple splatters if you will and they're prairie doggin' as they pull down their pants, they start fire hosing before they get sat down.

Chief Chief · 09-27-2010, 09:59 PM

Great...another poop thread.

OK, here's what you do: Check out the ceiling above the larger stall. If there's any way to position yourself in the ceiling with a viewing hole down to the toilet, then that's what you need to do. Be sure to take a camcorder so you can record visual evidence. Even if you're unable to get inside the ceiling, don't despair. If the ceiling is high enough, use your ingenuity to rig a contraption which will keep you up there. Don't worry about anyone seeing you -- no one ever looks upward while they're pooping. Remember to have your camcorder charged up and handy at all times. Good luck!

Dante84 · 09-27-2010, 10:06 PM

Put a sign up that says-

"Hey, Asshole. Don't ****ing shit on the seat. And if you do, ****ing wipe it up, you worthless ****. I know who you are, and if it happens one more time, I will send an email from a fake account to the entire office that outs you. Think I'm joking? Try me."

chiefsnorth · 09-27-2010, 10:11 PM

Some people are so fat they don't know precisely where the drop zone is..?

blaise · 09-28-2010, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chiefsnorth

Some people are so fat they don't know precisely where the drop zone is..?

That's what I was thinking. Maybe dude is so fat that when he cuts loose he rooster tails behind him.

09-27-2010, 08:38 PM	Topic Starter
DJJasonp My work speaks for itself!!! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: So Cal Casino cash: $1895200	Unexplained bowel movements at work stall I call on the planet's wisdom for help... At my work, we have a private men's bathroom that the public does not have access to. In this bathroom, there are two sit-down stalls. One is pretty narrow, and the other is pretty wide with enough space to stretch out, feel comfortable.....get the job done! The problem lies with the bigger stall (the one everyone who has access wants to use)..... Someone, and I'm not sure who yet.....somehow "stains" the toilet. And we're not talking about the normal, what clorox might call "stubborn stains".....we're talking.....wait for it.......THE FRIGGIN' TOP OF THE SEAT!!! It's not the top of the seat in the front (picture the upside down 'U' which is the seat......the stains are at the curved portion of the 'U'). These stains are significant enough (and they happen frequently enough) that this is definitely no accident! Now...to the question of how this happens.....I've surmised only two possible scenarios as to how the stains appear on top of the toilet seat: A) The offender-in-question somehow hovers over the seat, making no contact with said seat....and lets 'er rip....thus, initiating a "carpet bombing" effect.....OR B) The offender-in-question has a yet-to-be-classified birth defect whereas the buttocks region contains a 2nd (or 3rd) butthole.....with a very unfortunate placement nearer the waistline, rather than the normal ground-zero area. In addition to this, many times I'll visit this stall and find random, what I'll call "untidiness" on the seat. The only way I can explain it is that it looks like someone got naked, and rolled around in grass clippings or wiped a lint-screen on their butt somehow. It makes, too often for my comfort, an unpleasant work bathroom experience. Anyone else face these atrocities at work? Should I put up a sign with instructions? Maybe some visual aids on how to and how not to....use the facilities?
Posts: 12,031

09-27-2010, 08:47 PM	#2
ChiTown Stroking to the SB Champs! Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Flatlands of Kansas Casino cash: $3213962	__________________
Posts: 39,346

09-27-2010, 08:49 PM	#3
Kyle DeLexus Opie and Anthony XM 105 Join Date: Nov 2008 Casino cash: $10002400	Whoever it is needs to start utilizing the A.C. Slater technique because right now they are dropping napalm
Posts: 7,910

09-27-2010, 08:55 PM	#6
cdcox www.nfl-forecast.com Join Date: Sep 2000 Casino cash: $2291769	This problem is easily solved. When you get to work in the morning, piss all over the toilet seat. Everyone will go to the smaller stall. When you need to poop, just wipe down the seat with TP (urine is sterile). When you finish your business, hose down the seat again in case you need to come back later in the day.
Posts: 45,541

09-27-2010, 08:57 PM	#7
yhf Starter Join Date: May 2010 Location: OPKS Casino cash: $10004925	The solution to your problem is quite simple. Don't shit while you are on the clock. Workday shitbreaks indicate poor work ethic.
Posts: 430

09-27-2010, 09:03 PM	#9
Gadzooks MFIC Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Tromsø, Norway Casino cash: $3859219	I’ve been known to leave a lint screen residue on warmer days. But it wasn’t me. I prefer to poop alone on my personal throne.
Posts: 7,771

09-27-2010, 09:04 PM	#10
Delano [b]Supporter[/b] Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: A Hypnagogic Landscape Casino cash: $9095015	DJJasonp! You wanted in on this poop war from the start. The outcast. The slut. The bitch. The whore. The lonely, sad, slutty, bitchy whore. Posted via Mobile Device
Posts: 12,215

09-27-2010, 09:22 PM	#11
arrowheadnation MONTANA #19 Join Date: Mar 2005 Casino cash: $6217357	Sounds like to me someone has a case of the screamin' Commanches or the green apple splatters if you will and they're prairie doggin' as they pull down their pants, they start fire hosing before they get sat down. __________________ Things I need to happen in order to die happy.... KU wins a National Championship....Check! The Royals win a World Series....Check! The Chiefs win a Super Bowl....FINALLY!!!
Posts: 4,218

09-27-2010, 09:59 PM	#12
Chief Chief Veteran Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Kansas City MO Casino cash: $10004900	Great...another poop thread. OK, here's what you do: Check out the ceiling above the larger stall. If there's any way to position yourself in the ceiling with a viewing hole down to the toilet, then that's what you need to do. Be sure to take a camcorder so you can record visual evidence. Even if you're unable to get inside the ceiling, don't despair. If the ceiling is high enough, use your ingenuity to rig a contraption which will keep you up there. Don't worry about anyone seeing you -- no one ever looks upward while they're pooping. Remember to have your camcorder charged up and handy at all times. Good luck!
Posts: 3,072

09-27-2010, 10:06 PM	#13
Dante84 Tossed Salad & Scrambled Eggs Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: ATX & OPKS Casino cash: $1701996 VARSITY	Put a sign up that says- "Hey, Asshole. Don't **ing shit on the seat. And if you do, ing wipe it up, you worthless **. I know who you are, and if it happens one more time, I will send an email from a fake account to the entire office that outs you. Think I'm joking? Try me." __________________ ..
Posts: 19,748

09-27-2010, 10:11 PM	#14
chiefsnorth Veteran Join Date: Apr 2010 Casino cash: $10004900	Some people are so fat they don't know precisely where the drop zone is..?
Posts: 1,808