Life Sixteen years of human-squirrel diplomacy ... gone in an instant. - Page 5

**Rain Man** · 11-25-2011, 06:40 PM

I was in the kitchen today, and saw a squirrel out in our plum tree.

For some reason the squirrels like to gnaw on the plum tree's bark, and my wife asked if the squirrel was gnawing. I wasn't sure, but I was eating crackers and decided to throw one out there so the squirrel would have something else to gnaw.

So I open the door and wing out a cracker. Now, the plum tree is about 25 feet from our back door, so you really have to put some arm into a cracker to have any hope of it making a distance near the tree. I was aided by the fact that it was one of those denser round crackers as opposed to a saltine or club cracker, so I went sidearm and winged it like frisbee.

This thing catches the wind, arcs out and then peels back toward the tree. The plum tree is one of those trees that has a lot of dense branches and twigs and stuff, and this thing stays airborne, zips through the branches ... and nails the squirrel right in the shoulder blade. He never knew what hit him.

What are the odds of that? I try to be a good squirrel neighbor, and then I go and nail one with a cracker from 25 feet away. No one's ever going to believe it was an accident, and now I'm going to be having nuts dropped on me every time I go outside.

burt · 11-26-2011, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Okie_Apparition

A plum tree pruning squirrel
There's a poop joke in there somewhere
hanging

seems like you are going back to you OLD style. Which sucks.

Okie_Apparition · 11-26-2011, 01:22 PM

Natty Light?
far far
worse

burt · 11-26-2011, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Okie_Apparition

Natty Light?
far far
worse

brain damaged
you are, as
Okie Apparition or Blue Balls.

**Gonzo** · 11-26-2011, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by burt

brain damaged
you are, as
Okie Apparition or Blue Balls.

Reaper is
Going to
Shoot somebody soon
Posted via Mobile Device

Okie_Apparition · 11-26-2011, 04:25 PM

your pornstache
is really a dyed squirrel tail
But I must admit it works

orange · 11-26-2011, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

This thing catches the wind, arcs out and then peels back toward the tree. The plum tree is one of those trees that has a lot of dense branches and twigs and stuff, and this thing stays airborne, zips through the branches ... and nails the squirrel right in the shoulder blade. He never knew what hit him.

Good for you.

Last spring, I went to the mailbox one morning. After dropping in the letter, I turned back for the house. Across the street there was a squirrel on a branch and across about an eight-foot gap was a building, an old-folks home with an old-fashioned veranda balcony. The squirrel leapt for the balcony - missed - and hit the wall flush. He sort of toppled down the wall to the ground, layed there a few seconds, then realized the ground is no place for a squirrel to be in this cat&dog heavy neighborhood and leapt up onto the tree trunk. At this point, he noticed me watching him - and gave me thirty seconds of angry shit-talking as if I was to blame for his own incompetence!

These Denver squirrels need a little comeuppance.

4th and Long · 11-26-2011, 09:25 PM

4th and Long · 11-26-2011, 09:26 PM

I predict the squirrels will go all Jedi on Rain Man.

tk13 · 11-26-2011, 09:29 PM

Has anyone heard from Rain Man today? It's entirely possible we will be getting a crudely made home video of Rain Man with duct tape over his mouth in a nondescript basement soon.

4th and Long · 11-26-2011, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tk13

Has anyone heard from Rain Man today? It's entirely possible we will be getting a crudely made home video of Rain Man with duct tape over his mouth in a nondescript basement soon.

More likely a nondescript hollow tree.

Misplaced_Chiefs_Fan · 11-26-2011, 09:32 PM

He has been awfully quiet today. Maybe they got to him already.

Ah, poor Rainman.

**Lumpy** · 11-26-2011, 09:45 PM

That is a funny story, Mr. Rain Man! Whatever you do, if you begin feeding your li'l furry buddy, (as opposed to hitting him w/ crackers), never run out of food!

This is the look I get from our squirrel, Wally, when we run out of peanuts...

We have another squirrel that comes around too, but he's too timid and won't let us feed him by hand. We named him Willy, (he only has one eye).

RJ · 11-26-2011, 11:09 PM

Rainman, my only advice is......

RJ · 11-26-2011, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tk13

Has anyone heard from Rain Man today? It's entirely possible we will be getting a crudely made home video of Rain Man with duct tape over his mouth in a nondescript basement soon.

I think it's important we all agree up front that we will never give in to terrorist demands.

Is there a SEAL team stationed near Denver?

**Dartgod** · 11-26-2011, 11:42 PM

That was no ordinary squirrel.

11-25-2011, 06:40 PM
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3168491 VARSITY	Sixteen years of human-squirrel diplomacy ... gone in an instant. I was in the kitchen today, and saw a squirrel out in our plum tree. For some reason the squirrels like to gnaw on the plum tree's bark, and my wife asked if the squirrel was gnawing. I wasn't sure, but I was eating crackers and decided to throw one out there so the squirrel would have something else to gnaw. So I open the door and wing out a cracker. Now, the plum tree is about 25 feet from our back door, so you really have to put some arm into a cracker to have any hope of it making a distance near the tree. I was aided by the fact that it was one of those denser round crackers as opposed to a saltine or club cracker, so I went sidearm and winged it like frisbee. This thing catches the wind, arcs out and then peels back toward the tree. The plum tree is one of those trees that has a lot of dense branches and twigs and stuff, and this thing stays airborne, zips through the branches ... and nails the squirrel right in the shoulder blade. He never knew what hit him. What are the odds of that? I try to be a good squirrel neighbor, and then I go and nail one with a cracker from 25 feet away. No one's ever going to believe it was an accident, and now I'm going to be having nuts dropped on me every time I go outside.
Posts: 141,577

11-26-2011, 01:22 PM	#62
Okie_Apparition Banned Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: floatin cobwebs n the sky Casino cash: $10004900	Natty Light? far far worse
Posts: 7,012

11-26-2011, 04:25 PM	#65
Okie_Apparition Banned Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: floatin cobwebs n the sky Casino cash: $10004900	your pornstache is really a dyed squirrel tail But I must admit it works
Posts: 7,012

11-26-2011, 09:25 PM	#67
4th and Long Wheeeeee!!! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In a house Casino cash: $9254925	__________________
Posts: 19,794

11-26-2011, 09:26 PM	#68
4th and Long Wheeeeee!!! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In a house Casino cash: $9254925	I predict the squirrels will go all Jedi on Rain Man. __________________
Posts: 19,794

11-26-2011, 09:29 PM	#69
tk13 ... Join Date: Nov 2001 Casino cash: $1852500	Has anyone heard from Rain Man today? It's entirely possible we will be getting a crudely made home video of Rain Man with duct tape over his mouth in a nondescript basement soon.
Posts: 54,970

11-26-2011, 09:32 PM	#71
Misplaced_Chiefs_Fan I am Number Six Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Columbia, MD, USA Casino cash: $1779000	He has been awfully quiet today. Maybe they got to him already. Ah, poor Rainman. __________________ One of the lowest PPD of any of the original members of the Planet . . . and proud of it. My web site My writer's page
Posts: 6,569

11-26-2011, 11:09 PM	#73
RJ Supporter Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: In a shotgun shack Casino cash: $9965202	Rainman, my only advice is......
Posts: 14,931

11-26-2011, 11:42 PM	#75
Dartgod Wasted away again... Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: in Margaritaville Casino cash: $7260000	That was no ordinary squirrel. __________________ If you shed a tear for me, please make it a tear of joy. -Joe Tracy (Nzoner) . .
Posts: 51,140