Golf/Engineer Joke

**Donger** · 01-14-2005, 04:02 PM

So, this is probably a widely-circulated joke, but I'd never heard it before...

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What is with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

"Ineptitude!" the pastor said. "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Lets have a word with him."

"Hi George. Say, whats with that group ahead of us? They are rather slow arent they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that is a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That is so sad I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I am going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there is anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why cant these guys play at night?"

**Donger** · 01-14-2005, 04:19 PM

Heh. This could be my father...

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week, and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now, that's cool!"

David. · 01-14-2005, 04:19 PM

**Donger** · 01-14-2005, 04:20 PM

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "THAW THE CHICKEN!"

**Donger** · 01-14-2005, 04:20 PM

During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, NASA decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.

After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.

The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

01-14-2005, 04:20 PM

Did you hear the one about the dork who didn't wash his legs?

Funny, huh?

**Donger** · 01-14-2005, 04:21 PM

An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you got this beautiful bicycle?"

"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."

The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

**Donger** · 01-14-2005, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phobia

Did you hear the one about the dork who didn't wash his legs?

Funny, huh?

**cdcox** · 01-14-2005, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "THAW THE CHICKEN!"

Myth busters had an episode on this to see if thawed chicken had less penetrating power than frozen chicken.

**Donger** · 01-14-2005, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdcox

Myth busters had an episode on this to see if thawed chicken had less penetrating power than frozen chicken.

So, outcome?

Does a frozen chicken have greater mass than a thawed chicken? Same bird, of course.

**cdcox** · 01-14-2005, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger

So, outcome?

Does a frozen chicken have greater mass than a thawed chicken? Same bird, of course.

Same mass, bozo. But frozen chickens went through more panes of glass than did a thawed chickens.

**Donger** · 01-14-2005, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdcox

Same mass, bozo. But frozen chickens went through more panes of glass than did a thawed chickens.

Heh.

You fell for it...

**cdcox** · 01-14-2005, 04:49 PM

How so?

**Donger** · 01-14-2005, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdcox

How so?

I was kidding about the mass question.

Frosty · 01-14-2005, 05:06 PM

Shifting it away from engineers (

) back to golf, here's my favorite golf joke:

Moses, Jesus and this old man are out playing golf.

Moses tees off first on a par 3 and hits a water trap near the green. He walks down, divides the water and chips the ball out for birdie.

Jesus tees off next and hits the same water trap. He walks out on the water, locates the ball and chips up for birdie.

Finally, the old man tees off and the ball starts heading for the same trap. Before it hits the water though, a fish jumps out and catches the ball in its mouth. Before the fish can fall back to the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs it. As the eagle flys off, the fish drops the ball onto the green, where it rolls into the cup for a hole in one.

After seeing this, Jesus turns to the old man and asks "All right, Dad. Are we here to play golf or to screw around?"

01-14-2005, 04:02 PM
Donger "Think BOOM!" Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: 33.675° N 106.475° W Casino cash: $10369900 VARSITY	Golf/Engineer Joke So, this is probably a widely-circulated joke, but I'd never heard it before... A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What is with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" "Ineptitude!" the pastor said. "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Lets have a word with him." "Hi George. Say, whats with that group ahead of us? They are rather slow arent they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that is a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That is so sad I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I am going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there is anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why cant these guys play at night?"
Posts: 180,683

01-14-2005, 04:19 PM	#2
Donger "Think BOOM!" Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: 33.675° N 106.475° W Casino cash: $10369900 VARSITY	Heh. This could be my father... An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week, and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now, that's cool!" __________________ I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down," verbally, don't you?
Posts: 180,683

01-14-2005, 04:19 PM	#3
David. . Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: University of Missouri Casino cash: $10005850
Posts: 8,169

01-14-2005, 04:20 PM	#4
Donger "Think BOOM!" Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: 33.675° N 106.475° W Casino cash: $10369900 VARSITY	Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin. Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "THAW THE CHICKEN!" __________________ I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down," verbally, don't you?
Posts: 180,683

01-14-2005, 04:20 PM	#5
Donger "Think BOOM!" Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: 33.675° N 106.475° W Casino cash: $10369900 VARSITY	During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, NASA decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil. __________________ I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down," verbally, don't you?
Posts: 180,683

01-14-2005, 04:20 PM	#6
Phobia Guest Casino cash: $	Did you hear the one about the dork who didn't wash his legs? Funny, huh?
Posts: n/a

01-14-2005, 04:21 PM	#7
Donger "Think BOOM!" Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: 33.675° N 106.475° W Casino cash: $10369900 VARSITY	An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you got this beautiful bicycle?" "Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'." The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit." __________________ I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down," verbally, don't you?
Posts: 180,683

01-14-2005, 04:49 PM	#13
cdcox www.nfl-forecast.com Join Date: Sep 2000 Casino cash: $2361769	How so?
Posts: 45,536

01-14-2005, 05:06 PM	#15
Frosty Go Beavers! Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Warshington Casino cash: $5698243	Shifting it away from engineers ( ) back to golf, here's my favorite golf joke: Moses, Jesus and this old man are out playing golf. Moses tees off first on a par 3 and hits a water trap near the green. He walks down, divides the water and chips the ball out for birdie. Jesus tees off next and hits the same water trap. He walks out on the water, locates the ball and chips up for birdie. Finally, the old man tees off and the ball starts heading for the same trap. Before it hits the water though, a fish jumps out and catches the ball in its mouth. Before the fish can fall back to the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs it. As the eagle flys off, the fish drops the ball onto the green, where it rolls into the cup for a hole in one. After seeing this, Jesus turns to the old man and asks "All right, Dad. Are we here to play golf or to screw around?"
Posts: 14,495