Life nft-HS parental advice - Page 3

Friendo · 08-20-2008, 10:54 AM

so I take my rising 10th grade daughter to HS last night for class orientation and to meet the instructors. She is in a selected group of the Chorus, which placed first in the nation at Carnegie Hall last year. Met the Director last night, and frankly he gives me the creeps. 30-ish, decent looking dude, and he was dressed out in gym shorts as he helps coach the JV soccer team. From last year, I observed that he's a very demanding & temperamental Director, but I guess that goes with the territory if you're going to be a "player" nationally. He seems to cultivate that kind of strangely close teacher-student dynamic that you often see with high-achieving coaches. I wouldn't classify my daughter as stunning, but she certainly lives in the neighborhood. His first comment to her as we approached last night was "I like the hair". Don't want to be "that father", but the warning bells & whistles are going off. Talk to me...

Friendo · 08-20-2008, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reerun_KC

That might be a good start, see if there are any other concerns from other parents...

this could go a couple of ways, You could actually be one of many that have concerns and prevent or stop something from happening... OR it could be totally false and these comments could ruin the future for this guy, when he is totally innocent.

It is a very fine line, I am not sure how I would approach it. My daughter goes to a private Christian school and I have most if not all of her teaches/principles etc on speed dial. So far the school is very very good and nothing likes this has even remotely been an issue.

I wouldn't go that route ever--I really think this is more about her and her "sensibilities" than it is about him, and any real or perceived concerns.

**DeezNutz** · 08-20-2008, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Friendo

fair enough--yes, but it was the only comment that I heard all night.

Then I wouldn't worry too much; this seems pretty innocent. That said, it's still worth finding out more info. about anyone that is around your daughter.

**Buehler445** · 08-20-2008, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reerun_KC

Probably about you....

Perhaps, but my boss did send her 5th grade daughter up to dance with me at the dollar dance at the wedding. I wasn't real sure how to dance with a 5th grader, particularly since I'm a giant, but I'm still employed, so I guess I did OK.

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Chiefnj2 · 08-20-2008, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Friendo

good point--ftr--it wasn't so much the comment, as the comment in concert with my other concerns.

Your other concerns are that the guy is good looking and wearing shorts?

**DeezNutz** · 08-20-2008, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiefnj2

Your other concerns are that the guy is good looking and wearing shorts?

Man, I'm ****ed. Pants only from here on out.

FAX · 08-20-2008, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by underEJ

I'm not a parent, but I was once a teenage girl, and the story is always the same. You are ten times better off developing your daughter's warning bells and whistles than trying to preempt and protect which I'm sure is any good father's first instinct.

Girls aren't taught to have power in the right way. Everyone has the power to control their own involvement in a situation, and if you approach any situation with all the correct boundaries in place, there is room for those intense relationships with mentors whether male or female.

As a father, what you can't count on, is the mentor/ coach being able to set those boundaries all by themself, especially if they are young or haven't been teaching long. Teach your daughter to appreciate and trust a mentor, but to keep it transparent to you or others always. There is never a time when secrets are shared with them that she wouldn't share with you or her best friend.

Good advice, here, I think.

This may be an opportunity to open up a level of communication with your daughter that might otherwise go unexplored. I'm sure she's smart and will know when things get creepy. The key is that, if and when creepy happens, she talks with you in order that you may pay a visit to this clown with a baseball bat and some words of advice.

FAX

Friendo · 08-20-2008, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiefnj2

Your other concerns are that the guy is good looking and wearing shorts?

do you have, or have you raised a teen-aged daughter?

**DeezNutz** · 08-20-2008, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX

Good advice, here, I think.

This may be an opportunity to open up a level of communication with your daughter that might otherwise go unexplored. I'm sure she's smart and will know when things get creepy. The key is that, if and when creepy happens, she talks with you in order that you may have the police pay a visit to this clown with tasers and guns.

FAX

FYP

Chiefnj2 · 08-20-2008, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Friendo

do you have, or have you raised a teen-aged daughter?

No.

The teacher made a comment in front of you to your daughter about your daughter's hair which I believe you stated was in fact changed or cut or altered somehow. That's the situation you presented.

Friendo · 08-20-2008, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX

Good advice, here, I think.

This may be an opportunity to open up a level of communication with your daughter that might otherwise go unexplored. I'm sure she's smart and will know when things get creepy. The key is that, if and when creepy happens, she talks with you in order that you may pay a visit to this clown with a baseball bat and some words of advice.

FAX

noteworthy advice yes, but if I was a man in the same position, and was inclined to such, I would also be inclined to target a more culpable target..ie-that impressionable girl who appeared "star-struck".

Jilly · 08-20-2008, 11:51 AM

not to make the issue worse, but my band teacher f-ed the first chair flute, got caught, lost his job and his marriage....and it RUINED BAND CAMP FOREVER.... seriously though...when I look back, all the warning signs were there. He would give her rides to places, they'd be in the office with the door shut, he'd come up to her and side hug her, etc etc... I think those are the real warning signals.

And yes, I was in band. And no, I did not stick a flute up my vajayjay

Friendo · 08-20-2008, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilly

not to make the issue worse, but my band teacher f-ed the first chair flute, got caught, lost his job and his marriage....and it RUINED BAND CAMP FOREVER.... seriously though...when I look back, all the warning signs were there. He would give her rides to places, they'd be in the office with the door shut, he'd come up to her and side hug her, etc etc... I think those are the real warning signals.

And yes, I was in band. And no, I did not stick a flute up my vajayjay

and it does take two to tango--honestly-did you ever "daydream" about any male teachers? nothing wrong with that, but the adult is supposed to know better!

FAX · 08-20-2008, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Friendo

noteworthy advice yes, but if I was a man in the same position, and was inclined to such, I would also be inclined to target a more culpable target..ie-that impressionable girl who appeared "star-struck".

Hmmm. Well, I suppose it all boils down to A) How well you and your daughter can communicate on the subject of predators and B) Whether or not she fully understands the ramifications of acting on her "impressionable" tendencies, Mr. Friendo. Countering the "star quality" of this teacher person should be fairly easy simply by pointing out that he is not, in fact, the reincarnation of Mozart. If you are confident in your relationship with your daughter and she is aware of the consequences of acting out with this guy (all of which are negative) and has her priorities straight, this lemon is magically converted to lemonade because your relationship is made more real and meaningful

The choice is between empowering your daughter or disembowling her teacher before he's actually done anything. Were it me, I would choose the former approach because those are lessons that will prove valuable throughout her life.

FAX

phisherman · 08-20-2008, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilly

not to make the issue worse, but my band teacher f-ed the first chair flute, got caught, lost his job and his marriage....and it RUINED BAND CAMP FOREVER.... seriously though...when I look back, all the warning signs were there. He would give her rides to places, they'd be in the office with the door shut, he'd come up to her and side hug her, etc etc... I think those are the real warning signals.

And yes, I was in band. And no, I did not stick a flute up my vajayjay

that teacher's name is just soaked in irony

Jilly · 08-20-2008, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Friendo

and it does take two to tango--honestly-did you ever "daydream" about any male teachers? nothing wrong with that, but the adult is supposed to know better!

not until grad school, to be honest. I went to Truman, they weren't all that good looking.

08-20-2008, 10:54 AM
Friendo cigarette? Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: n.c. Casino cash: $10004945	nft-HS parental advice so I take my rising 10th grade daughter to HS last night for class orientation and to meet the instructors. She is in a selected group of the Chorus, which placed first in the nation at Carnegie Hall last year. Met the Director last night, and frankly he gives me the creeps. 30-ish, decent looking dude, and he was dressed out in gym shorts as he helps coach the JV soccer team. From last year, I observed that he's a very demanding & temperamental Director, but I guess that goes with the territory if you're going to be a "player" nationally. He seems to cultivate that kind of strangely close teacher-student dynamic that you often see with high-achieving coaches. I wouldn't classify my daughter as stunning, but she certainly lives in the neighborhood. His first comment to her as we approached last night was "I like the hair". Don't want to be "that father", but the warning bells & whistles are going off. Talk to me...
Posts: 1,787

08-20-2008, 11:51 AM	#41
Jilly MVP Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Lee's Summit Casino cash: $10004925	not to make the issue worse, but my band teacher f-ed the first chair flute, got caught, lost his job and his marriage....and it RUINED BAND CAMP FOREVER.... seriously though...when I look back, all the warning signs were there. He would give her rides to places, they'd be in the office with the door shut, he'd come up to her and side hug her, etc etc... I think those are the real warning signals. And yes, I was in band. And no, I did not stick a flute up my vajayjay __________________ "In most of our human relationships, we spend much of our time reassuring one another that our costumes of identity are on straight." — Ram Dass
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