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Old 11-19-2012, 02:48 PM   #1
Old Dog Old Dog is offline
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and there's no way I'm spending the holiday without my kids just because she may choose to do so. As someone earlier said, I'm a father first, son second (actually I believe it's husband, grandfather, father, son, in that order, but you get the drift)
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Old 11-19-2012, 02:52 PM   #2
R8RFAN R8RFAN is offline
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You can't let this jackass keep you from your Mom, if you do he wins.
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R8RFAN is obviously part of the inner Circle.R8RFAN is obviously part of the inner Circle.R8RFAN is obviously part of the inner Circle.R8RFAN is obviously part of the inner Circle.R8RFAN is obviously part of the inner Circle.R8RFAN is obviously part of the inner Circle.R8RFAN is obviously part of the inner Circle.R8RFAN is obviously part of the inner Circle.R8RFAN is obviously part of the inner Circle.R8RFAN is obviously part of the inner Circle.R8RFAN is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:17 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by R8ers View Post
You can't let this jackass keep you from your Mom, if you do he wins.
Wins what?
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Old 11-19-2012, 02:54 PM   #4
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I haven't read a single response, but I say you go to be with your family. You take this time to show you love and support them, but make it very known that you will not stand by and let some man abuse your mother. Make your presence known and let him know without words that you will always be by her side and do what it takes to protect her even if she doesn't have the sense to do it herself.

Remember love is blind and most people don't want to be alone. They need someone to love them, even if it is false love.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:18 PM   #5
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Getting a pretty good laugh from some of you Oedipal ****ers.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:21 PM   #6
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My recommendation is not to bury him on your own property.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:22 PM   #7
R8RFAN R8RFAN is offline
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Quote:
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Wins what?
His mother
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:28 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by R8ers View Post
His mother
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:36 PM   #9
memyselfI memyselfI is offline
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Oh, and if anyone needs therapy it is probably your Mom. She needs to find out why she keeps attracting men who do not love her in a healthy fashion. She sounds codependent if she falls for him over what he says vs. what he does and makes excuses for his behavior. She is settling for an abusive man who tells her he loves her when she never heard that from her previous husband.

Newsflash. Alcoholics are skilled at manipulation. Likewise, are abusers. Not a coincidence. He knows what buttons to push.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:39 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by memyselfI View Post
Oh, and if anyone needs therapy it is probably your Mom. She needs to find out why she keeps attracting men who do not love her in a healthy fashion. She sounds codependent if she falls for him over what he says vs. what he does and makes excuses for his behavior. She is settling for an abusive man who tells her he loves her when she never heard that from her previous husband.

Newsflash. Alcoholics are skilled at manipulation. Likewise, are abusers. Not a coincidence. He knows what buttons to push.
I don't think we've been told anything to make us think she "keeps" attracting men who don't love her in a healthy fashion. If tooge said anything about his father being bad for his mother, I missed it.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:42 PM   #11
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I don't think we've been told anything to make us think she "keeps" attracting men who don't love her in a healthy fashion. If tooge said anything about his father being bad for his mother, I missed it.
From the sounds of it, tooge’s father was a good guy that died 4 years ago and this is his mother’s first boyfriend since then.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:47 PM   #12
memyselfI memyselfI is offline
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I don't think we've been told anything to make us think she "keeps" attracting men who don't love her in a healthy fashion. If tooge said anything about his father being bad for his mother, I missed it.
Ok, I reread the paragraph. I thought the Mom was saying the father said that. Not the jerk boyfriend. My bad. Sorry.

However, I do think she could use therapy to find out why she is willing to accept her new boyfriend abusing her and, worse, trashing her previous husband and her previous life. Is he still an issue in this current relationship and if so, why? What did she tell the new BF to make him comfortable making those type of judgments. And if he's pulling them out of his ass (which is far more dangerous and abusive, IMO) then why is she letting him define her truth and her life like that?

I think that Tooge's most important goal right now is to keep the lines of communication open with his mother and remain in her 'circle of trust.' He does not want to do anything to jeopardize her not being honest about her situation because if she is isolated has no one she can trust her situation is not only abusive but DANGEROUS.
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:22 PM   #13
R8RFAN R8RFAN is offline
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Yup, he loses his mother for a Thanksgiving....
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:48 PM   #14
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What does your brother think of the situation? How often does he (or any other family member) see her? Since she has allowed her fiance back into the house someone should be checking on them daily. Has the fiance quit drinking? How long have they been together?

Sorry if you've already covered this, didn't read all the replies.
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:53 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KS Smitty View Post
What does your brother think of the situation? How often does he (or any other family member) see her? Since she has allowed her fiance back into the house someone should be checking on them daily. Has the fiance quit drinking? How long have they been together?

Sorry if you've already covered this, didn't read all the replies.
Not sure my bro knows as much as I do. He's the youngest and not as close to mom as I am. She told me everything, he probably knows only surface issues. And yes, my father was a great man. treated my mother like a queen.
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