Catricide - Page 3

Zebedee DuBois · 08-03-2005, 06:03 PM

I want to commit catracide.

We have a cat that thinks outside the box too often. I don't think this animal has any redeeming characteristics. It is afraid of the outdoors. It is afraid of mice. It might beat up on a cricket. It considers the litter box as just one of many options. It needs to die.

Of course, there are other family members that seem to think the cat is cute.

Thus, I need to find a way to dispatch the cat and yet have it look like natural causes, or at least like I didn't have anything to do with it's demise. That means the corpse can't be mutilated or wet...and I can't have any incriminating scratch marks. If I could do the deed, and then leave the body on the stairs or somewhere for someone else to discover....that should dispell suspicions.

I've thought of putting her in a cooler and displacing the air with nitrogen or some other gas.

Any ideas?

For those of you that have tender feelings for felines, pretend I said "Bronco lover".

Any ideas?

**Rain Man** · 08-03-2005, 07:56 PM

If people were more like cats, the world would be a lot better place for everyone except mice.

I'll bet if it came down to a vote, the family would elect to keep the cat over Zebedee.

**gblowfish** · 08-03-2005, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zebedee DuBois

I don't want to torture the cat.
The quickest and least painful method, the better.

I don't happen to think that every feline life is sacred.
People maybe, but not cats.

I am not happy with this cats performance.
I want to return it to the manufacturer.

http://tinyurl.com/bg9bj
Tell it to the man.

4th and Long · 08-03-2005, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

If people were more like cats, the world would be a lot better place for everyone except mice.

That's damn near a Jack Handy moment right there!

Taco John · 08-03-2005, 07:59 PM

A couple of questions... Rather than kill the cat, let's first try to determine why it's misbehaving.

1. is it fixed?

2. Are there any other animals in the house?

3. Do your kids play with any animals outside the house (like at a friends house)?

4. Are there any other cats in the neighborhood that might be putting off a scent? That doesn't seem likely, due to the cat not wanting to go outside... That part is the most curious part to me... That doesn't seem like normal cat behaviour.

5. How dirty is the litterbox when it goes in the clothes hamper?

That's a starter... I'll do some research in my cat behaviour books and see if I can find any other angles. I love my animals and have actually read quite a few books on animal behaviour. Both my cat and dog are very well trainend, and the cat even uses the toilet ON the toilet. I hate litter boxes and would much prefer to just flush the issue away.

**Skip Towne** · 08-03-2005, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nightfyre

sprinkle crushed aspirin on a steak while the family is out. Game over. You win.

That may not work as the animal can pick up the steak and shake the aspirin off it. Put the crushed aspirin in a hamburger ball where the cat has to eat the aspirin to get the hamburger. Does aspirin actually kill cats? I've never heard that.

4th and Long · 08-03-2005, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skip Towne

That may not work as the animal can pick up the steak and shake the aspirin off it. Put the crushed aspirin in a hamburger ball where the cat has to eat the aspirin to get the hamburger. Does aspirin actually kill cats? I've never heard that.

Cats metabolize aspirin at a very slow rate and it is very easy to overdose a cat with aspirin.

Taco John · 08-03-2005, 08:05 PM

One more question... What kind (and brand) of litter do you use?

**Dartgod** · 08-03-2005, 08:07 PM

So what's a little cat piss here and there? At least the little f***er's not embezzling from you.

"Hey, does anybody know where I can get some cat handcuffs? I've gotta get a pair of cat handcuffs. Either two little ones like this, to go around the little paws.. or a big one that hooks onto my arm and then hooks onto the cat. I found out my cat was embezzling from me, so I've gotta get a little pair.. of cat handcuffs, so.. Well, I found out that when I'm away, he goes to the mailbox, picks up the checks, take them down to the bank and cashes them. The way I caught him, I went out to his little house, where he sleeps at night, and there was like $3,000 worth of cat toys out there. And you can't return them, because they have spit all over them..."

Taco John · 08-03-2005, 08:08 PM

My first bet is that the litter doesn't get emptied enough. Cats are clean freaks, and if their litter doesn't get emptied, they'll look for other places to go. A smelly hamper seems like a clean, natural alternative to them... It already smells in there, and it's not overrun with little logs... So why not, they think...

Zebedee DuBois · 08-03-2005, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taco John

A couple of questions... Rather than kill the cat, let's first try to determine why it's misbehaving.

1. is it fixed?

2. Are there any other animals in the house?

3. Do your kids play with any animals outside the house (like at a friends house)?

4. Are there any other cats in the neighborhood that might be putting off a scent? That doesn't seem likely, due to the cat not wanting to go outside... That part is the most curious part to me... That doesn't seem like normal cat behaviour.

5. How dirty is the litterbox when it goes in the clothes hamper?

That's a starter... I'll do some research in my cat behaviour books and see if I can find any other angles. I love my animals and have actually read quite a few books on animal behaviour. Both my cat and dog are very well trainend, and the cat even uses the toilet ON the toilet. I hate litter boxes and would much prefer to just flush the issue away.

1. Yes, it is spayed.
2. Not anymore. For several years we had two cats. The properly functioning, mouse catching, litter box using cat passed away six months ago. He was a magnificent animal and a credit to his species.
3. No.
4. I am sure there is a dominant cat in the neighborhood. The cat has never wanted to go outside, and will claw you if you try to take it out. Psychotic little....
5. We thought this might be the problem as well, and eventually got one of those self raking models that scoops it into a throw away container. As litter boxes go... I think it is pretty clean.

OK, people...I'll come clean. I doubt I would ever actually commit the catricide. I have been using this forum to vent a little. I have had several pets over the years and they can be like people. Some are great, some are quirky, and some are just not contributing much. But I have always stuck through the troublesome ones before (except maybe some fish - but people don't get all teary eyed for non mammals.)

Zebedee DuBois · 08-03-2005, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartgod

So what's a little cat piss here and there? At least the little f***er's not embezzling from you.

"Hey, does anybody know where I can get some cat handcuffs? I've gotta get a pair of cat handcuffs. Either two little ones like this, to go around the little paws.. or a big one that hooks onto my arm and then hooks onto the cat. I found out my cat was embezzling from me, so I've gotta get a little pair.. of cat handcuffs, so.. Well, I found out that when I'm away, he goes to the mailbox, picks up the checks, take them down to the bank and cashes them. The way I caught him, I went out to his little house, where he sleeps at night, and there was like $3,000 worth of cat toys out there. And you can't return them, because they have spit all over them..."

You are a wild and crazy guy.

Bring out the cruel shoes.

Zebedee DuBois · 08-03-2005, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taco John

My first bet is that the litter doesn't get emptied enough. Cats are clean freaks, and if their litter doesn't get emptied, they'll look for other places to go. A smelly hamper seems like a clean, natural alternative to them... It already smells in there, and it's not overrun with little logs... So why not, they think...

See other reply as to litter box condition.

No, the cat peed on the clean clothes in the clean clothes basket being taken from the laundry room to the bedroom. We have wire baskets in the laundry room for each person, and the clean clothes are folded and put in the basket. My kid took her basket up to her room, sat it on the bed, went to do something else, came back and found a little present.

Duck Dog · 08-03-2005, 08:18 PM

A can of tuna and a cup of antifreeze. Mix well and serve.

**gblowfish** · 08-03-2005, 08:20 PM

Hey you wild and wacky CP guys and gals. Let's have some fun figuring out how we can torture and kill house cats. Ha ha ha....boy I just love talking about this stuff.

I'd really like to kill a little 15 pound animal that loves me and trusts me and sometimes doesn't understand human rules. Hey, let's see what the State says about it. I bet they think killing house cats is big fun too!

http://www.animal-law.org/statutes/missouri.htm

Well, gee. what a bunch of killjoys. Since we can't legally torture our cats, let's enjoy some pictures of other people that have starved, burned, injured, or left their pets to die. Oh these'll be hysterical. HOO HOO HEE, yeah, that's real funny stuff right there!

Maybe I can do this to my kids or my parents too. I mean, if its fun with cats, its probably five or six times more fun with family!

Zebedee DuBois · 08-03-2005, 08:21 PM

[rant]And another thing.....didn't you cat lovers see the instructions in the starter to substitue "bronco fan" for cat ?!?!!??![/rant]

Peoples reading comprehension these days.....
I blame the schools.

08-03-2005, 06:03 PM
Zebedee DuBois Veteran Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: floating in a tin can Casino cash: $1785199	Catricide I want to commit catracide. We have a cat that thinks outside the box too often. I don't think this animal has any redeeming characteristics. It is afraid of the outdoors. It is afraid of mice. It might beat up on a cricket. It considers the litter box as just one of many options. It needs to die. Of course, there are other family members that seem to think the cat is cute. Thus, I need to find a way to dispatch the cat and yet have it look like natural causes, or at least like I didn't have anything to do with it's demise. That means the corpse can't be mutilated or wet...and I can't have any incriminating scratch marks. If I could do the deed, and then leave the body on the stairs or somewhere for someone else to discover....that should dispell suspicions. I've thought of putting her in a cooler and displacing the air with nitrogen or some other gas. Any ideas? For those of you that have tender feelings for felines, pretend I said "Bronco lover". Any ideas?
Posts: 3,762

08-03-2005, 07:56 PM	#31
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3218491 VARSITY	If people were more like cats, the world would be a lot better place for everyone except mice. I'll bet if it came down to a vote, the family would elect to keep the cat over Zebedee. __________________ I'm putting random letters here as a celebration of free speech: xigrakgrah misorojeq rkemeseit.
Posts: 141,527

08-03-2005, 07:59 PM	#34
Taco John Sapere Aude Join Date: Jun 2001 Casino cash: $3447937	A couple of questions... Rather than kill the cat, let's first try to determine why it's misbehaving. 1. is it fixed? 2. Are there any other animals in the house? 3. Do your kids play with any animals outside the house (like at a friends house)? 4. Are there any other cats in the neighborhood that might be putting off a scent? That doesn't seem likely, due to the cat not wanting to go outside... That part is the most curious part to me... That doesn't seem like normal cat behaviour. 5. How dirty is the litterbox when it goes in the clothes hamper? That's a starter... I'll do some research in my cat behaviour books and see if I can find any other angles. I love my animals and have actually read quite a few books on animal behaviour. Both my cat and dog are very well trainend, and the cat even uses the toilet ON the toilet. I hate litter boxes and would much prefer to just flush the issue away. __________________ Ehyeh asher ehyeh. Donger's Razor: "The most establishment-friendly explanation that gives leftist and neocon politicians the most amount of cover is the only possible explanation, even when gaping holes and leaps of logic are required to get there."
Posts: 77,997

08-03-2005, 08:05 PM	#37
Taco John Sapere Aude Join Date: Jun 2001 Casino cash: $3447937	One more question... What kind (and brand) of litter do you use? __________________ Ehyeh asher ehyeh. Donger's Razor: "The most establishment-friendly explanation that gives leftist and neocon politicians the most amount of cover is the only possible explanation, even when gaping holes and leaps of logic are required to get there."
Posts: 77,997

08-03-2005, 08:07 PM	#38
Dartgod Wasted away again... Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: in Margaritaville Casino cash: $7310000	So what's a little cat piss here and there? At least the little f***er's not embezzling from you. "Hey, does anybody know where I can get some cat handcuffs? I've gotta get a pair of cat handcuffs. Either two little ones like this, to go around the little paws.. or a big one that hooks onto my arm and then hooks onto the cat. I found out my cat was embezzling from me, so I've gotta get a little pair.. of cat handcuffs, so.. Well, I found out that when I'm away, he goes to the mailbox, picks up the checks, take them down to the bank and cashes them. The way I caught him, I went out to his little house, where he sleeps at night, and there was like $3,000 worth of cat toys out there. And you can't return them, because they have spit all over them..." __________________ If you shed a tear for me, please make it a tear of joy. -Joe Tracy (Nzoner) . .
Posts: 51,131

08-03-2005, 08:08 PM	#39
Taco John Sapere Aude Join Date: Jun 2001 Casino cash: $3447937	My first bet is that the litter doesn't get emptied enough. Cats are clean freaks, and if their litter doesn't get emptied, they'll look for other places to go. A smelly hamper seems like a clean, natural alternative to them... It already smells in there, and it's not overrun with little logs... So why not, they think... __________________ Ehyeh asher ehyeh. Donger's Razor: "The most establishment-friendly explanation that gives leftist and neocon politicians the most amount of cover is the only possible explanation, even when gaping holes and leaps of logic are required to get there."
Posts: 77,997

08-03-2005, 08:18 PM	#43
Duck Dog Reap the whirlwind Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Olathe Casino cash: $10004900	A can of tuna and a cup of antifreeze. Mix well and serve.
Posts: 8,902

08-03-2005, 08:20 PM	#44
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $17666178 VARSITY	Hey you wild and wacky CP guys and gals. Let's have some fun figuring out how we can torture and kill house cats. Ha ha ha....boy I just love talking about this stuff. I'd really like to kill a little 15 pound animal that loves me and trusts me and sometimes doesn't understand human rules. Hey, let's see what the State says about it. I bet they think killing house cats is big fun too! http://www.animal-law.org/statutes/missouri.htm Well, gee. what a bunch of killjoys. Since we can't legally torture our cats, let's enjoy some pictures of other people that have starved, burned, injured, or left their pets to die. Oh these'll be hysterical. HOO HOO HEE, yeah, that's real funny stuff right there! Maybe I can do this to my kids or my parents too. I mean, if its fun with cats, its probably five or six times more fun with family! Attached Thumbnails
Posts: 40,837

08-03-2005, 08:21 PM	#45
Zebedee DuBois Veteran Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: floating in a tin can Casino cash: $1785199	[rant]And another thing.....didn't you cat lovers see the instructions in the starter to substitue "bronco fan" for cat ?!?!!??![/rant] Peoples reading comprehension these days..... I blame the schools. __________________ What am I even doing here?
Posts: 3,762