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Old 08-09-2001, 10:16 AM  
Mark M Mark M is offline
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All-Idiot Team Training Camp interview!! Must read!

This is the first in a three-part series of interviews with members of [b]Packfanís All-Idiot Team[/b]. The team is comprised of chiefsplanet members who have been called out, insulted or just generally annoyed with Ken and his mundane posts.

Our reporter, Skippy McScooperson, sits down with the new head coach to discuss the upcoming season. ([i]Editorís note:[/i] the team searched high for a coach ... but once they sobered up, they realized that looking low would be better. They tried to get Hank Stram to ďventriculateĒ out of retirement, but to no avail. So they got the next best thing: Stramís toupee, Harry, who plans on being just as conspicuous on the sideline as he is on Hankís head.)

Part one in the series is about the off-season and the offense, part two on defense and part three on special teams and the gaggle of off-the-field personnel.

[i]Skippy: First, Iíd like to thank you for meeting with me, Harry.[/i]
Harry: Not a problem. I was just lying around anyway.
[i]S: (laughing) Well, letís get to it, then. How do you feel you did in the offseason?[/i]
H: We made some key acquisitions: [b]keg_in_kc[/b], [b]Aturnis[/b], [b]NFLFrank[/b] and others have really come in and made an immediate impact on the team. And the veterans havenít let up either. It was a great offseason, overall.
[i]S: Several players had offseason surgery and even a few injuries, like [b]Big Daddy[/b]ís shoulder. How is the recovery process going?[/i]
H: Very well, very well. Actually, the biggest problem weíve had is with our QB, [b]Mark M[/b].
[i]S: What is exactly was, or is, the nature of his injury?[/i]
H: Heís got a bad case of [i]Packfanitis[/i], which is basically just an annoying and often intolerable pain in the a$$. Kind of like hemorrhoids, but less itchy, more hurty.
[i]S: Didnít [b]keg[/b] and [b]KCTitus[/b] have the same problem?[/i]
H: Yes, they did. And as our #2 QB and starting left tackle, respectively, itís important that they be healthy. They solved the problem by just ignoring their [i]Packfanitis[/i]. It seems to be working well.
[i]S: Youíve installed a new offensive scheme. How are the players adjusting?[/i]
H: Extremely well, Skip. Our O-line of [b]Titus[/b], [b]KCWolfman[/b], [b]Russ[/b], and [b]bishop74[/b], are doing a great job of getting in the way. And the center, [b]Cameron Diaz[/b] is making our QBs very, very happy. The wide receivers like [b]milkman[/b] (converted from RB), [b]KPhobia[/b], [b]JOhn[/b] and [b]Coryt[/b] are all running precise routes ... well, theyíre getting past the line of scrimmage anyway. Once they do that, catching the ball is much easier. Of course, most canít even catch a cab ...
[i]S: And what about running back by committee? Is that finally over?[/i]
H: Yes. We will give [b]Luz[/b] the ball in our normal set, [b]H_C Chief[/b] will be our third down back and [b]Bob Dole[/b] will be utilized in single back sets.
[i]S: Um ... isnít that the same thing?[/i]
H: Not really. We like to call them ďsituational substitutionsĒ rather than ďrunning back by committee.Ē
[i]S: So itís just semantics?[/i]
H: No. Itís just a different way of saying it.
[i]S: Um ... [/i]
H: What Iím really looking forward to is our kicking game. [b]Dartgod[/b] has been booming them in practice, kicking it over 60 yards.
[i]S: But how about his accuracy?[/i]
H: Well ... weíre still working on that. The fact heís even making contact with the ball is a significant improvement.
[i]S: And the tight ends?[/i]
H: [b]dawsonpa[/b] still has one of the tightest around, if thatís what you mean. [b]tommykat[/b] is putting the pressure on her, though. As far as [b]Mark Kilgore[/b] goes, well ... heís still working on tightening his end, as it were.
[i]S: I see ... [/i]

[b]Stay tuned ... tomorrow: Part 2óThe Idiotic Defense[/b]

MM
~~Really needs a hobby.

Last edited by Mark M; 08-09-2001 at 11:42 AM..
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Mark M is a favorite in the douche of the year contest.Mark M is a favorite in the douche of the year contest.
 
Old 08-09-2001, 10:19 AM   #2
Bwana Bwana is offline
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LMAO: Good Stuff Mark :D
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Old 08-09-2001, 10:36 AM   #3
ptlyon ptlyon is online now
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Excellent Mark...

Especially the Tight Ends part :)
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Old 08-09-2001, 10:42 AM   #4
Phobia Phobia is offline
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Old 08-09-2001, 10:45 AM   #5
Lightning Rod Lightning Rod is offline
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As the PR man I just wanted everyone to know that I have an ample supply of the acrylic goldfish filled platform shoes. That way you all can be cool in the team picture.
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Old 08-09-2001, 10:48 AM   #6
Bwana Bwana is offline
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Rod as GM, I forbid anyone but myself to wear "goldfish shoes" and or fur coats! ;)
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Old 08-09-2001, 10:56 AM   #7
Lightning Rod Lightning Rod is offline
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I understand why, As PR man I would be delinquent if I did not test out these fashion accessories.
Gotta admit the Chicks dig-em. Was thinking some sort of a mink fedora might complete your Pimp-Daddy look, :)
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Lightning Rod is a favorite in the douche of the year contest.Lightning Rod is a favorite in the douche of the year contest.
 
Old 08-09-2001, 10:58 AM   #8
KCTitus KCTitus is offline
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Very funny, Mark. Well done.
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Old 08-09-2001, 11:01 AM   #9
keg in kc keg in kc is offline
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Hah, I needed a good laugh...

...and for once, Mark delivered!

ahahahah :p

funny stuff
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Old 08-09-2001, 11:04 AM   #10
Mark M Mark M is offline
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[quote]...and for once, Mark delivered! [/quote]

Is this to imply that you do not always find me funny? ;) :p

Thanks guys ... slow day here at work. Will try to get the Defensive side done tomorrow morning, and our Not-So-Special Teams this weekend.

MM
~~Thinks he's funny all of the time.
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Mark M is a favorite in the douche of the year contest.Mark M is a favorite in the douche of the year contest.
 
Old 08-09-2001, 11:04 AM   #11
ExtremeChief ExtremeChief is offline
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good stuff Mark...funny as usual :)
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Old 08-09-2001, 11:30 AM   #12
bishop_74 bishop_74 is offline
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-And the center, Cameron Diaz is making our QBs very, very happy.

-S: So itís just semantics?
H: No. Itís just a different way of saying it.
S: Um ...

LOL! I am crying over here...
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Old 08-09-2001, 11:32 AM   #13
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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I can't wait to see the defense...

I need to read it to figure out what I've been up to, I can't remember...

:D
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Old 08-09-2001, 11:42 AM   #14
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Too much fun!

[font=Garamond][size=4]
This was great!

xoxo~
Gaz
Saving this one for later re-reading. [/font][/size]
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Old 08-09-2001, 11:52 AM   #15
Dartgod Dartgod is online now
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Re: All-Idiot Team Training Camp interview!! Must read!

[QUOTE]
H: What Iím really looking forward to is our kicking game. [b]Dartgod[/b] has been booming them in practice, kicking it over 60 yards.
[i]S: But how about his accuracy?[/i]
H: Well ... weíre still working on that. The fact heís even making contact with the ball is a significant improvement.[/quote]


Those Flubber shoes I invested in are really paying off.

Very funny Mark!
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