Ever punch yourself in the mouth?

[srvy]

Well I have now. Battery went tits up in my car so ordered a dieeasy at Kmart they had 22 bucks off online site to store. Charged the f'ed battery up and headed to Kmart. Had one those terminal straps to carry the battery. I decided to change it out in parking lot. As I was lifting the new into the battery slot terminal strap let loose. As I was leaning over hood fist came up and popped me right into the lip. Split it open like a Forman - Quarry(sp) fight. Was bleeding like a faucet drops on batter and on asphalt. Got in car drove home with Kleenex in it and it was soaked in blood.

Did some first aid but bleeding would not stop so drove to outpatient clinic. Well 6 stitches later and I was out there. Felt like a fool plus they will put stitches in anything. What a pain in the ass.

[Dartgod]

You're leaking.

[gblowfish]

Only when I've really deserved it.

I've had the car door swing back and hit me in the mouth before. Not pleasant....

[ptlyon]

That won't throb later or anything. Nope.

[Simply Red]

bust a cap in they ass.

[Saccopoo]

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/SjFHehmKN5A?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[LiveSteam]

I broke a guys arm while arm-wrestling & in this process gave myself a bloody lip.

[FlaChief58]

Snitches get stitches

[OnTheWarpath15]

Better call the amberlamps, that boy leakin'.

[milkman]

With the overwhelming stupidity of these offseason threads lowering my IQ day in and day out, I'm sure I'll be punching myself in the mouth, and elsewehere, all the time, until I am deemed unable to take care of myself and fitted for my straight jacket

[Saccopoo]

I broke a guys arm while arm-wrestling & in this process gave myself a bloody lip.

I see someone is trying to get to the top of the "Which CP'er do you want on your side in a fight" thread...

[notorious]

I broke a guys arm while arm-wrestling & in this process gave myself a bloody lip.

That poor kid must have had a hard time playing his MobiGo after that.

[LiveSteam]

That poor kid must have had a hard time playing his MobiGo after that.

It happened in Sarpy county jail back in 1988 :evil:

[cosmo20002]

That poor kid must have had a hard time playing his MobiGo after that.

LMAO

[notorious]

It happened in Sarpy county jail back in 1988 :evil:

Oh, in that case:

http://www.handheldmuseum.com/Misc/Tudor-ElectronicFootballBox.jpg

[cosmo20002]

It happened in Sarpy county jail back in 1988 :evil:

JFC...That's about 3 Sarpy County Jail references I can recall.
Seems like you might be kind of a dumbass.

[LiveSteam]

Oh, in that case:

http://www.handheldmuseum.com/Misc/Tudor-ElectronicFootballBox.jpg



http://www.weblogsinc.com/common/images/1757766008819633.JPG?0.21258012142042337

[LiveSteam]

JFC...That's about 3 Sarpy County Jail references I can recall.
Seems like you might be kind of a dumbass.

Its the same story I've now told 3 times dumbass.

[Pepe Silvia]

You ever jerk yourself off and THEN punch yourself in the face?

[Why Not?]

You ever jerk yourself off and THEN punch yourself in the face?

Daily.

[Buzz]

If I'm working on a car it's almost a guarantee that I will end up bleeding from somewhere, usually knuckles or fingers. Can't say I have ever punched myself in the mouth though, least not that I can remember.

[Dayze]

no means no

[notorious]

What do you tell srvy with two black eyes?


Nothing, he's already told himself twice.

[Bowser]

Only on Tuesdays.

[cosmo20002]

Its the same story I've now told 3 times dumbass.

No way...cause one of them you said was after the Quiet Riot/Whitesnake concert and that was probably 1983 or 84, definitely not 1988.

[kccrow]

srvy, never punched myself in the mouth, but if you want to feel any better about your week I have a story....


So, i'm installing pool filter/pump and running plumbing for that. I set my PVC glue and primer up on the deck and dropped down through the hatch where the pump and filter go. I'm down there working a while. I reach up and grab the piece of flex hose I need to go from the heater to the chlorine tablet trap and pull it down to me. Well, lets just say I pulled the glue and primer down with it and I forgot to screw the cap on the glue. I had that can of glue land on the back of my neck and pour down my shirt to my ass crack. So I come flying up out of the hole and snag my belly on a hose clamp I didn't bend over and cut that open too. What a disaster. Had wife scrub my back for an hour getting that shit off. I had some hair on my back..... great wax material for the lady folk's legs if interested, but it burns a bit.

[Big Poppa Payne]

The chiefs colts playoff game replay is on NFL network right now, I'm about to punch myself in the face for watching it.

[OnTheWarpath15]

The chiefs colts playoff game replay is on NFL network right now, I'm about to punch myself in the face for watching it.

I wanted to punch myself in the face for spending the money to be there.

[TribalElder]

I have participated in "reverse armwrestling" years ago. Helped many others punch themselves in the face

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[Sully]

Yeah
I was feeling shitty about my job and my life for a while. I couldn't stop buying shit from IKEA and I just felt like I had a pointless existence.
I met this guy on a flight (weird guy, but charismatic as shit), and he have me his card.
When I got home my apartment had fucking blown up! I mean, can it get worse?
So I call this guy and we meet for beers. After a few drinks, he tells me this weird idea... That we should punch each other. I mean, what the fuck? I was tipsy, though, and in a bad way, so I went for it. Got the first shot and punched him in the ear. He then takes a guy shot at me that doubles me over. We hit each other for a while, then finished our beers.
Long story short, I end up getting twisted into this guys strange idea of what living should really be about. We fought, fucked with "the man," and it even escalated far enough to plan to detonate all the financial buildings in New York. About that time, I started to get a little unnerved by the whole thing, and questioned the violence and nihilism.
Fuck it, I decided to shoot myself. But I didn't die. And I realized that this guy I had met didn't even exist! I started to remember back to when we had first met, and it turns out we weren't punching each other, I was punching myself! And all the plans were mine!
Hilarity ensued, a couple of buildings went away... but I got the girl in the end.

Classic Sully

[OnTheWarpath15]

LMAO

[srvy]

srvy, never punched myself in the mouth, but if you want to feel any better about your week I have a story....


So, i'm installing pool filter/pump and running plumbing for that. I set my PVC glue and primer up on the deck and dropped down through the hatch where the pump and filter go. I'm down there working a while. I reach up and grab the piece of flex hose I need to go from the heater to the chlorine tablet trap and pull it down to me. Well, lets just say I pulled the glue and primer down with it and I forgot to screw the cap on the glue. I had that can of glue land on the back of my neck and pour down my shirt to my ass crack. So I come flying up out of the hole and snag my belly on a hose clamp I didn't bend over and cut that open too. What a disaster. Had wife scrub my back for an hour getting that shit off. I had some hair on my back..... great wax material for the lady folk's legs if interested, but it burns a bit.

Holy shit Crow that sucked I bet. I felt like an Idiot I was dropping blood like the size of quarters on the pavement. Whoever pulled into that slot must have thought a murder took place. I needed a good cut man in my corner.

Good to see ya here Crow.

[Marcellus]

Pussy.

[kccrow]

Holy shit Crow that sucked I bet. I felt like an Idiot I was dropping blood like the size of quarters on the pavement. Whoever pulled into that slot must have thought a murder took place. I needed a good cut man in my corner.

Good to see ya here Crow.

Good to see you too bud. I can only imagine the stunned look on your face when you punched yourself haha. I told my wife the story and we had a short chuckle at your expense. ;) Hope the lip heals up quick. Certainly will make me remember to hold the battery with 2 hands the next time I change one haha.

[Big Poppa Payne]

I wanted to punch myself in the face for spending the money to be there.

I can only imagine buddy.

[Iowanian]

If it makes you feel better I thought of you saturday.

I was outside working on some tile in the yard, and sat down against a dirt pile while I was talking to a guy and sat on some kind of bee that stung me right at the top of my ass crack/tailbone intersection.

I just said bad words and indicated something had stung my ass, but didn't want to dare elaborate if it were a hornet or a wasp.


Last summer in a Lowes or Menards parking lot I had a cart and was loading stuff for returns. I wasn't paying attention and bent down to pick up a box of tile and smashed my mouth on a cart rail and busted my lip open like I'd been kicked by a mule. I also felt like a complete dipshit bleeding on the parking lot, and even more-so in line at the return counter. The way some people were looking at me I might as well have had an AK strapped to my back.

[loochy]

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/ZBpj7Ny88HE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Sofa King]

http://www.bowhunting.com/content/modules/rhino.publisher/files/uploads/bowhunting/string-loops-for-accuracy/img-002.JPG

The string i clip my release to broke last year as i was drawing back on a doe. arrow went flying and i was just sitting there in shock. Couldn't figure out wtf happened. I thought i hit the trigger. The doe didn't run so i went to clip on another arrow and saw some of the outer rope had peeled a little. I wondered if i tried to shoot again if i would punch myself again because of this little peeled off part. Then she got real close. 10 yards with both of us on the ground and only a little bush in front of me. I got excited, tried to pull back again and punched myself hard in the face again. Made my eyes water. The bitch jumped back to about 20 yards and stood there. I yelled at her and she ran away. I'll be damned if she can prance around and convince me to try a 3rd time.

[beach tribe]

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/ZBpj7Ny88HE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[beach tribe]

http://www.bowhunting.com/content/modules/rhino.publisher/files/uploads/bowhunting/string-loops-for-accuracy/img-002.JPG

The string i clip my release to broke last year as i was drawing back on a doe. arrow went flying and i was just sitting there in shock. Couldn't figure out wtf happened. I thought i hit the trigger. The doe didn't run so i went to clip on another arrow and saw some of the outer rope had peeled a little. I wondered if i tried to shoot again if i would punch myself again because of this little peeled off part. Then she got real close. 10 yards with both of us on the ground and only a little bush in front of me. I got excited, tried to pull back again and punched myself hard in the face again. Made my eyes water. The bitch jumped back to about 20 yards and stood there. I yelled at her and she ran away. I'll be damned if she can prance around and convince me to try a 3rd time.

Why not draw with your fingers that time?

[loochy]

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/ZBpj7Ny88HE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

how original

[Sofa King]

Why not draw with your fingers that time?

Nothing worse than wounding a doe and blood trailing. Plus, after the second time, i was ready to explode and stomp my bow into a million tiny pieces.

[cosmo20002]

If it makes you feel better I thought of you saturday.

I was outside working on some tile in the yard, and sat down against a dirt pile while I was talking to a guy and sat on some kind of bee that stung me right at the top of my ass crack/tailbone intersection.

I just said bad words and indicated something had stung my ass, but didn't want to dare elaborate if it were a hornet or a wasp.



A hornet is a type of wasp.
Just believe me on this.

[beach tribe]

how original

lol
whoops.

[beach tribe]

Nothing worse than wounding a doe and blood trailing. Plus, after the second time, i was ready to explode and stomp my bow into a million tiny pieces.

O, I C.

[frankotank]

welp....this story doesn't exactly meet the criteria set forth in the OP.....but it is kinda funny.

so just to make a really long story short....waaaaaaay back in high school days I met this guy to fight him. I showed up with friends. he showed up with friends. as we're arguing he says something about his friend Sanford (I shit you not) told him I was talking about him. I said nuh uh. he said so you calling Sanford a liar. I said yup. he said well then whoop his ass. Sanford was a little dude. I said I ain't fighting Sanford. the lil feller steps up and removes his belt, which had a big ole belt buckle on it, and he tries to hit me with it!!!!! I duck.....the belt buckle whips by my head and frigging smashes Sanford right in the face. he's bleeding like a mutha. he immediately drops to his knees holding his face screaming "Momma! Momma!" ROFL LMAO

Awkward!

We standing there looking at them looking at us and I'm like....well....BYE!

the end

[Squalor]

Years ago I worked for a boat seat company. Champion Boats, now defunkt. We worked in a literal sweat shop. Metal building, metal roof, no insulation and in the summer the building would get into the 110's by 11:00. At that time, boat seats are made of wood with foam cut and glued to the frame. Sewers would stitch Naugahyde together and build the cover. If you were lucky the girls would have a good day and get the stitching right and the cover would reasonably fit. Other days, they might square off a corner or have the wrong band or over stitch the welt cord. On a good day it was difficult, on other days it was nigh impossible.
Nauga is a beast. Fresh off a roll it feels and smells similar to the old tests some of us had when a teacher would print in the room. We would smell the paper and a soft chemical deliverance had our attention. Soon it would dry and leave us only our answers. Nauga is a hella different bitch. Though it had a bit of stretch in all directions, only the part you were attaching to wood had movement. Maybe you had 4 inches of materiel to apply and between the foam and wood, 3 inches had to be left for the seat to be complete and correct.
Now that you have a sewn chunk of materiel, that weighs around 30 pounds and you are trying to get that placed on depending on the type seat you are constructing, maybe 6-8 feet, and depending on if the sewer had a reasonably decent time building this contraption frustration and hilarity can commence.
To get this evil bitch on wood and foam, one uses an air stapler. Runs on 90 psi and is a semi automatic pneumatic delivery system that places a 2 legged staple that is either 1/2 or 3/4 inch legged in depth into a piece of wood that is layered and 1/2 inch thick. Happens year round, but such a stapler is run by a bigarse compressor, which sucks air and humidity. There are water drops all over the place. They look like the light bulb covers in the walkin of a commercial fridge or freezer.
Mondays are especially frequent. In the summer, moisture builds. Overnight water builds up in your airline because the air in it doesn't quite condense it seeks the lowest point and it conspires with the bitch of Nauga, and they have a get together.
Mondays happen at any time. They are frail to begin yet have all the potency of an aids infected tornado that is purely evil and garnering all that energy to cause you to fuck yourself.
Its summer, its hot, you are wearing shoes socks underwear and shorts. Its 90 degrees at 8:00 A.M. Nauga the bitch is hefty and powerful. She doesn't speak but you will feel her scream. The bitch is slick, oily and resistant to your grip. Monday. She waits. Wood creaks as you stretch material over wood and sponge. You have to build 9 of these today and the bitch knows every staple and the names of the other 6 men that do the same as you.
11:00, its time for Paul Harvey on the radio. 114 in the building. You are sweating, it leaves you down your arms, your pits, your back. Monday. 200 staples in a stick and you use them up in less than 2 minutes. Reload Monday....
You think of lunch, you are sweaty and young and the sewers are women with breasts and not the best faces but BREASTS!!!! Nauga brings Monday. Your gun erupts stale water, beyond stale, a metallic stench that hell lets you know they are making bullets with your name on it. You are already compromised, you let the bitch have you. Sweaty, ill formed and with a grip that causes gangrene if you jerk off Monday.....


The best one I ever saw was with a friend of mine named Jay. His left hand came up when his gun blew water and he split both his lips, bloodied his nose, blackened his left eye, chipped a tooth and was unconscious for 3 minutes or so. He is now with our local cable company and has enjoyed 22 years without the Nauga.

[milkman]

Years ago I worked for a boat seat company. Champion Boats, now defunkt. We worked in a literal sweat shop. Metal building, metal roof, no insulation and in the summer the building would get into the 110's by 11:00. At that time, boat seats are made of wood with foam cut and glued to the frame. Sewers would stitch Naugahyde together and build the cover. If you were lucky the girls would have a good day and get the stitching right and the cover would reasonably fit. Other days, they might square off a corner or have the wrong band or over stitch the welt cord. On a good day it was difficult, on other days it was nigh impossible.
Nauga is a beast. Fresh off a roll it feels and smells similar to the old tests some of us had when a teacher would print in the room. We would smell the paper and a soft chemical deliverance had our attention. Soon it would dry and leave us only our answers. Nauga is a hella different bitch. Though it had a bit of stretch in all directions, only the part you were attaching to wood had movement. Maybe you had 4 inches of materiel to apply and between the foam and wood, 3 inches had to be left for the seat to be complete and correct.
Now that you have a sewn chunk of materiel, that weighs around 30 pounds and you are trying to get that placed on depending on the type seat you are constructing, maybe 6-8 feet, and depending on if the sewer had a reasonably decent time building this contraption frustration and hilarity can commence.
To get this evil bitch on wood and foam, one uses an air stapler. Runs on 90 psi and is a semi automatic pneumatic delivery system that places a 2 legged staple that is either 1/2 or 3/4 inch legged in depth into a piece of wood that is layered and 1/2 inch thick. Happens year round, but such a stapler is run by a bigarse compressor, which sucks air and humidity. There are water drops all over the place. They look like the light bulb covers in the walkin of a commercial fridge or freezer.
Mondays are especially frequent. In the summer, moisture builds. Overnight water builds up in your airline because the air in it doesn't quite condense it seeks the lowest point and it conspires with the bitch of Nauga, and they have a get together.
Mondays happen at any time. They are frail to begin yet have all the potency of an aids infected tornado that is purely evil and garnering all that energy to cause you to **** yourself.
Its summer, its hot, you are wearing shoes socks underwear and shorts. Its 90 degrees at 8:00 A.M. Nauga the bitch is hefty and powerful. She doesn't speak but you will feel her scream. The bitch is slick, oily and resistant to your grip. Monday. She waits. Wood creaks as you stretch material over wood and sponge. You have to build 9 of these today and the bitch knows every staple and the names of the other 6 men that do the same as you.
11:00, its time for Paul Harvey on the radio. 114 in the building. You are sweating, it leaves you down your arms, your pits, your back. Monday. 200 staples in a stick and you use them up in less than 2 minutes. Reload Monday....
You think of lunch, you are sweaty and young and the sewers are women with breasts and not the best faces but BREASTS!!!! Nauga brings Monday. Your gun erupts stale water, beyond stale, a metallic stench that hell lets you know they are making bullets with your name on it. You are already compromised, you let the bitch have you. Sweaty, ill formed and with a grip that causes gangrene if you jerk off Monday.....


The best one I ever saw was with a friend of mine named Jay. His left hand came up when his gun blew water and he split both his lips, bloodied his nose, blackened his left eye, chipped a tooth and was unconscious for 3 minutes or so. He is now with our local cable company and has enjoyed 22 years without the Nauga.

ti;dr

[Squalor]

ti;dr

dumbass

[cosmo20002]

Years ago I worked for a boat seat company. Champion Boats, now defunkt. We worked in a literal sweat shop. Metal building, metal roof, no insulation and in the summer the building would get into the 110's by 11:00. At that time, boat seats are made of wood with foam cut and glued to the frame. Sewers would stitch Naugahyde together and build the cover. If you were lucky the girls would have a good day and get the stitching right and the cover would reasonably fit. Other days, they might square off a corner or have the wrong band or over stitch the welt cord. On a good day it was difficult, on other days it was nigh impossible.
Nauga is a beast. Fresh off a roll it feels and smells similar to the old tests some of us had when a teacher would print in the room. We would smell the paper and a soft chemical deliverance had our attention. Soon it would dry and leave us only our answers. Nauga is a hella different bitch. Though it had a bit of stretch in all directions, only the part you were attaching to wood had movement. Maybe you had 4 inches of materiel to apply and between the foam and wood, 3 inches had to be left for the seat to be complete and correct.
Now that you have a sewn chunk of materiel, that weighs around 30 pounds and you are trying to get that placed on depending on the type seat you are constructing, maybe 6-8 feet, and depending on if the sewer had a reasonably decent time building this contraption frustration and hilarity can commence.
To get this evil bitch on wood and foam, one uses an air stapler. Runs on 90 psi and is a semi automatic pneumatic delivery system that places a 2 legged staple that is either 1/2 or 3/4 inch legged in depth into a piece of wood that is layered and 1/2 inch thick. Happens year round, but such a stapler is run by a bigarse compressor, which sucks air and humidity. There are water drops all over the place. They look like the light bulb covers in the walkin of a commercial fridge or freezer.
Mondays are especially frequent. In the summer, moisture builds. Overnight water builds up in your airline because the air in it doesn't quite condense it seeks the lowest point and it conspires with the bitch of Nauga, and they have a get together.
Mondays happen at any time. They are frail to begin yet have all the potency of an aids infected tornado that is purely evil and garnering all that energy to cause you to **** yourself.
Its summer, its hot, you are wearing shoes socks underwear and shorts. Its 90 degrees at 8:00 A.M. Nauga the bitch is hefty and powerful. She doesn't speak but you will feel her scream. The bitch is slick, oily and resistant to your grip. Monday. She waits. Wood creaks as you stretch material over wood and sponge. You have to build 9 of these today and the bitch knows every staple and the names of the other 6 men that do the same as you.
11:00, its time for Paul Harvey on the radio. 114 in the building. You are sweating, it leaves you down your arms, your pits, your back. Monday. 200 staples in a stick and you use them up in less than 2 minutes. Reload Monday....
You think of lunch, you are sweaty and young and the sewers are women with breasts and not the best faces but BREASTS!!!! Nauga brings Monday. Your gun erupts stale water, beyond stale, a metallic stench that hell lets you know they are making bullets with your name on it. You are already compromised, you let the bitch have you. Sweaty, ill formed and with a grip that causes gangrene if you jerk off Monday.....


The best one I ever saw was with a friend of mine named Jay. His left hand came up when his gun blew water and he split both his lips, bloodied his nose, blackened his left eye, chipped a tooth and was unconscious for 3 minutes or so. He is now with our local cable company and has enjoyed 22 years without the Nauga.

:shake:

[ghak99]

http://www.bowhunting.com/content/modules/rhino.publisher/files/uploads/bowhunting/string-loops-for-accuracy/img-002.JPG

The string i clip my release to broke last year as i was drawing back on a doe. arrow went flying and i was just sitting there in shock. Couldn't figure out wtf happened. I thought i hit the trigger. The doe didn't run so i went to clip on another arrow and saw some of the outer rope had peeled a little. I wondered if i tried to shoot again if i would punch myself again because of this little peeled off part. Then she got real close. 10 yards with both of us on the ground and only a little bush in front of me. I got excited, tried to pull back again and punched myself hard in the face again. Made my eyes water. The bitch jumped back to about 20 yards and stood there. I yelled at her and she ran away. I'll be damned if she can prance around and convince me to try a 3rd time.

Regular D-loops are fucking retarded failures waiting to happen. You should look into catfish & torque-less loops.

http://store.archeryreport.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/torqueless_loop_both.jpg

[kepp]

Not directly in my mouth, no. But I did have an incident in college. I was wandering around campus slobbering drunk, trying to find my way home. I made it to my dorm building and, for some reason, thought it would be a good idea to jerk open the door (like it was the building's fault it took me so long to find it). That thing slammed against my forehead HARD. I may have actually blacked out for a short time.