I'm not a high schooler, I don't have time to **** aroudn with that crap.

I am a certified operator of my ivory rhythm stick so I do just fine. Besides, I'm married with children so fooking is all we have time to do and my wife don't go for that lovey dovey mamby pamby smoochy woochy bullshit. We've got errands to run and shit to do so we do a quick blast in the ass and get on with our day and we're both happier for it.

chevy369
Posted via Mobile Device

ROFL

I gotta show this to the wife, just so she'll get the reference every time I say, "How 'bout a quick blast in the ass before we run our errands?"

k, thanks. I hate it when you people change your names.

Well, I'm just an old fashioned romantic.

What can I say? I found a woman who likes to fook and married her.

A shave, shower and no passing gas...
Posted via Mobile Device

Sorry, babe, this is Sully. How about a quick blast in the ass?

Nothing says, "I love you," like a talented fist.

didn't we just do that this morning?

I'm forwarding a link to this thread to Hallmark. Valentine's day is coming up in a month, and there's some lovely sentiments laid bare here that beg for card design...

:redface:LMAO

Barry White
Candlelight
Eye contact
Rub that back
Walk don't run
Now she's done

You guys are crazy...it's all about her body and it being explored. Use your hands, feel her curves, be soft, teasing, careful. I know men just like to fix things, but think about it as listening to her body and what it's craving.

But what do we do after the anal sex?

well, this time you could clean it up for her instead of just throwing the towel at her

The last time I heard that, she wanted me to shave my butthole.... uhhh uhhh crazy woman....

LMAO

or the already soiled t shirt because you've cleaned yourself off first....

That's her way of telling you she wants to strap-on and **** you up the ass.

dude........NOOOOOOOOOO

swope league will never the same. ever again.

:eek:

i think Kegs is sporting some deep dark secrets.\

what the hell does that have to do with discs?

I surely am.


(but not that one)


Speaking of shaving your butthole, I was once involved with a woman who had a thing for (giving) rim jobs. Once upon a time, she beged me not to shave my butthole.

Which wasn't a hard thing to agree to since I'd never intended to in the first place. I don't know what in the world had made her think I was going to. I always figured she'd want to floss after she was done.

Only on ChiefsPlanet does the general consensus believe that making love to a woman is not only stretching out her ass and plowing for oil, but cleaning it up afterwards as well. Heh.

Katipan? Is this true?

I've said for years that I want to develop a line for those moments that Hallmark just can't address.

The "You need to go to the free clinic and get this antibiotic injection" card
the "Hey, did you give me herpes" card

I've got a million of them, complete with poetry like you'd expect.

nate and i sometimes end up in the same group at golf league.

now every time i see him, i'm going to think of his post. for that matter, i believe that i will harass him about it eternally.

ROFLROFL

No and yes.

gross, you think of other dude's assholes? I knew you were different. ;)

Let's be honest...how many of us really take that extra step? And isn't it that extra step that really says I Love You?

LOL. I was asking her, not you. Let the girl speak.

A card for the occasion

Baby, you said you'd like to make love tonight
You want my gentle soft delight
So I'll leave home the donkey punch and cleveland steamer
Tonight I won't be the brown star reaper.
I learned on the planet what you need
No Pantera, Kenny G.
The poll told me to do exactly what?!!
That is why I'm peeing, in your butt

There truly is an untapped million dollar market out there. Go live the dream, Iowanian.

Not speaking for phish, but if someone volunteered to me that he'd shaved his, that's something I might remember.

For the 2nd time, if there has ever been a thread that had BigDaddy spinning into a velvet smoking jacket in a phone booth.....

He's probably having a ho pour him a chalice of cavasia as he dims the light next to his laptop to reply.

I'm pretty certain Barry White vinyl is turning on the 45.

You're a shitty wife
you know this of course
whore get your shit out
we're gettin' Divorced

You know you don't have to let a girl speak. They never stop...

Say, maybe that's what mtg's girl wants, for him to listen to her during the act. To catch when she breathes things like "jesus, dude, that's my belly button" or "it's okay, baby, you can put the other inch in" or "can we do it doggy style, i want to pretend that you're anybody else".

Nothing says "makin love" like a bad company 8 track and a complimentary 2ltr of Purple Passion....



Also, if katipan hasn't popped into this thread to yank some chains, she may indeed be in prison.

or a bottle of mad dog and a box of magnums. And some rubber bands.

LOL

I say we find out who she is, and forward this thread to her to show just how much MTG cares for her, that he would go to us, his trusted confidantes, to glean this inside information....

CoMochief showed bogey where the g spot is

You want to make love to her? Have her come over to your place, set yourself up with a couple rack o' pounders (16 oz. cans), a pizza and a fist full of porn. Sit her down, look deep into her eyes and tell her that while she has expressed the "I love you sentiment.", you don't feel that way about her, think it would be best for her from a long term perspective to move on. She leaves, you have a pizza, get drunk, jerk it, and fall asleep happy. It's a win/win for everyone.

Case in point, I was dating a girl who at one point asked me to tell her that I loved her, even though she knew I didn't just so she could hear the words from me. I broke up with her that night, because I knew I would never get to that point with her from an emotional honesty perspective. She's now in a very happy long term relationship with a good guy, and I don't have to deal with her goofy little idiosyncrasies that were never going to truly let me love her. Like I said, win/win.

LMAO

I'll try to remember to mention this next time you step onto the tee..... then throw a disposable razor at you....

No, her tubes are tied

It came natural with my wife because I was in love with her.

I know. :(

Actually 2 but I do really like this girl.

No I take so long she gets sore and half the time we have to stop before I get off...Ive always had that problem.

Nope Im always neat and trimmed.

Best advice yet. Rep.

Only one has met my kids.

:eek:

Ouch

I'd like to decipher this post.....

"This chick is so focking butt ugly that I have to rabbit fock her or the very least drape an American flag over her face so I can feel like I'm doing my duty and focking her for my country."

Hey, call me a romantic.

ROFL

No she's actually hot as hell...Ive just had a little bit of a problem with keeping my dick hard and getting off since my wife left. The only way Ive been successful is to pound the shit out of every girl Ive slept with. If I try to slow it down and be gentle I think of my wife and go limp. Its all psychological.

My wife's company would probably hire you. That's along the lines of some of the stuff they do:

http://www.fresh-ink.com/nbholidaynapkins.html

Seems like you are rushing the sex.

Interesting. Booze doesn't help?

Viagra is your friend.

you know how I know you're gay?

Just remember, 1 flaming orgasm and you own her for life

Yeah sometimes it does. With the staying hard anyway, not with getting off.

Maybe you should link her to my Pooetry and tell her to call me.

This is called the "Venus Butterfly", but not my variation of it...if she doesn't think you love her after this, she's probably got a disorder of some kind.

1.Kiss and caress your lover passionately to get her juices flowing.
2.Give her oral sex slowly teasing her Yoni/Vagina with your tongue.
3.Gently pull back her clitoral hood.
4.Stimulate it with your tongue until she reaches a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 0 to 10 with 10 being orgasm.
5.Move away from the clitoris and stimulate the entire outside of her Yoni in circular motions.
6.Return to clitoris stimulation as above until she reaches a 9 on her pleasure scale.
7.Ask her if she is ready for you to enter her Yoni to find and stimulate her G-spot.
8.Continue to stimulate her clitoris with your tongue, while tapping her G-spot with your finger(s) simultaneously.
9.If all goes well, she will have a mind-blowing, body-melting internal and external orgasm resulting in multiple orgasms.
10.Ask her for verbal feedback as you cup one of your hands over her Yoni gently to hold the sexual energy within.

That's great advice and all, but I read on ChiefsPlanet that she won't love you until her ass has been violated and stretched out in an unholy fashion.

It's a true story. All that other shit is just way too complicated....****ing pulling back the clitoral hood? What? That shit's there for a reason...DON"T TOUCH IT.

It's not the pulling back that gets them. It's the clamping it in place with a clothespin that seems to bring the most discomfort. No tthat I would ever do such a thing, of course. This is so I'm told.

Well, you were told right.

On second thought, don't use the "Venus Butterfly" on her...save it for a woman you actually want to be with.

Slayer giving sex advice.

It really is the end of time.

I prefer "Smoke on the Water," but sometimes for variety I'll perform Debussy's "Nocturnes."

Yeah, I think that part was just in the instructions for the sake of knowing where to find the spot. And, BTW, it's not there so nobody ever touches it, it's to hide it so the guy has to explore with patience instead of ****ing. Hell, hit the right nerve, and it's just as good as the G-spot, but without having to penetrate....

I was gone for 3 and a half years...I had fun with it.

ROFL

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Imperial March from Star Wars. I also hear that in my head every time I give a presentation for some reason.

Go see a shrink. You've got issues.

Sounds like a personal problem...hopefully it's not Gochiefs Disorder.

Nah it will go away on its own with time.

Yes, I'm the one with the problem. What about the woman who bought me a Vader costume and likes to yell out, "fuck me, Darth!!" during sex?

There we go. Finally a sign that you really are a guy.

Spit in her vagina instead of using lube and make rude comments about her body.

Ok, now you're crossing over to some pretty serious stuff. Please call a therapist before it gets any worse.

Well, you should've mentioned that the first time!

Sometimes, that idea is what makes it worse...if you go now, you'll probably end up spending a lot less money.

You two should hook up and release all that sexual frustration.

He'll need a ride though....

I think it's funny and sad at the same time you're going to fake love her. Just pound her and throw her out. If she wants love making and you don't so be it. Just keep tappin dat arse and if she gets mad without the love making just tell her this is all I want.