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-   -   Life How To Make Love To A Woman (https://chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=221676)

luv 01-13-2010 06:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Param (Post 6442226)
I think it's funny and sad at the same time you're going to fake love her. Just pound her and throw her out. If she wants love making and you don't so be it. Just keep tappin dat arse and if she gets mad without the love making just tell her this is all I want.
He apparently doesn't know how to be honest.

Param 01-13-2010 06:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv (Post 6442228)
He apparently doesn't know how to be honest.
And how to be alone.

BigMeatballDave 01-13-2010 06:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by billay (Post 6442176)
Spit in her vagina instead of using lube and make rude comments about her body.
ROFL

luv 01-13-2010 06:50 PM
To me, a lack of honesty shows a lack of respect. How can he "really like" this girl if he doesn't even respect her enough to be honest with her.?

The first thread or two on this were entertaining. Now it's just sad. I hope he makes up this shit for entertainment purposes.

BigMeatballDave 01-13-2010 06:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv (Post 6442228)
He apparently doesn't know how to be honest.
Ah, yes. Women are ALWAYS truthful...

luv 01-13-2010 06:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BCD (Post 6442255)
Ah, yes. Women are ALWAYS truthful...
This dude is NEVER truthful. He's constantly asking about how to lie to a woman, or saying how he's told women he loves them so they won't dump his ass. No one is ALWAYS honest, that's true. But this guy is ridiculous.

MTG#10 01-13-2010 06:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv (Post 6442260)
This dude is NEVER truthful. He's constantly asking about how to lie to a woman, or saying how he's told women he loves them so they won't dump his ass. No one is ALWAYS honest, that's true. But this guy is ridiculous.
Youre a ****ing moron you know it? I have never ONCE said I lied to a woman so she wouldnt dump my ass. Please find one post where Ive said that. I havent told this girl I love her either so stop talking out your ass.

MTG#10 01-13-2010 06:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Param (Post 6442226)
I think it's funny and sad at the same time you're going to fake love her. Just pound her and throw her out. If she wants love making and you don't so be it. Just keep tappin dat arse and if she gets mad without the love making just tell her this is all I want.
Its not all I want though. I really like this girl. I actually care about this one, just not to the point where I can honestly say I "love" her...

luv 01-13-2010 06:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTG#10 (Post 6442269)
Youre a ****ing moron you know it? I have never ONCE said I lied to a woman so she wouldnt dump my ass. Please find one post where Ive said that. I havent told this girl I love her either so stop talking out your ass.
That would be a lot easier if the thread you said it in hadn't disappeared at your request.

You were in the heat of the moment. She said she loved you, and you said you said it back even though you didn't mean it. You didn't want to make her mad or hurt her feelings.

Bowser 01-13-2010 06:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayer (Post 6442135)
I was gone for 3 and a half years...I had fun with it.
You and GoChiefs should have a bearded clam competition*.


*as in, who can get more

MTG#10 01-13-2010 06:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv (Post 6442273)
That would be a lot easier if the thread you said it in hadn't disappeared at your request.

You were in the heat of the moment. He said she loved you, and you said you said it back even though you didn't mean it. You didn't want to make her mad or hurt her feelings.
Yeah but it wasnt "so she wouldnt dump my ass". And that was the only time, I told her how I really felt the next time I talked to her.

bevischief 01-13-2010 06:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTG#10 (Post 6442036)
ROFL

No she's actually hot as hell...Ive just had a little bit of a problem with keeping my dick hard and getting off since my wife left. The only way Ive been successful is to pound the shit out of every girl Ive slept with. If I try to slow it down and be gentle I think of my wife and go limp. Its all psychological.
They make pills for that...

luv 01-13-2010 07:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTG#10 (Post 6442278)
Yeah but it wasnt "so she wouldnt dump my ass". And that was the only time, I told her how I really felt the next time I talked to her.
Now you want to make love to a girl who you've said you don't love. Sure, you're not actually saying the words "I love you". She's told you that though, right? And now she's requesting you "make love" to her? What are you implying by filling the request?

bevischief 01-13-2010 07:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bowser (Post 6442090)
That's great advice and all, but I read on ChiefsPlanet that she won't love you until her ass has been violated and stretched out in an unholy fashion.
ROFL... hall of classics...

Hog's Gone Fishin 01-13-2010 07:02 PM
Well, this is how I do it. I usually start with using the sensual smell effect of Ky lube but don't let them see it . The smell serves as a subconcious trigger for love making. Next I turn the lights down low to where it gives the feeling of relaxation and seclusion. Then I bring in a bucket of feed and spread it on the floor . The rest takes care of itself.

bevischief 01-13-2010 07:03 PM
Release the hidden Demons...

Bowser 01-13-2010 07:04 PM
What's with all the psychological stuff? Last I checked, this was a thread about how to get to a woman's heart through anal sex.

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MTG#10 01-13-2010 07:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv (Post 6442284)
Now you want to make love to a girl who you've said you don't love. Sure, you're not actually saying the words "I love you". She's told you that though, right? And now she's requesting you "make love" to her? What are you implying by filling the request?
She asked me to do something sexually for her and I like her so Im going to comply. I dont think she's going to think I love her until I actually say it.

BigMeatballDave 01-13-2010 07:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv (Post 6442273)
That would be a lot easier if the thread you said it in hadn't disappeared at your request.

You were in the heat of the moment. She said she loved you, and you said you said it back even though you didn't mean it. You didn't want to make her mad or hurt her feelings.
I remember that. LMAO But, c'mon how many guys have been in this situation? If sex is imminent and a guy hears that word, he will reciprocate. Thats just how it is. Is it dishonest? Sure it is. Women need to get a ****ing clue and not say shit like that during sex.

Mile High Mania 01-13-2010 07:11 PM
:popcorn:

BigMeatballDave 01-13-2010 07:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv (Post 6442284)
Now you want to make love to a girl who you've said you don't love. Sure, you're not actually saying the words "I love you". She's told you that though, right? And now she's requesting you "make love" to her? What are you implying by filling the request?
She's the one making the request. I really don't see a problem here.

Hog's Gone Fishin 01-13-2010 07:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv (Post 6442273)
That would be a lot easier if the thread you said it in hadn't disappeared at your request.

You were in the heat of the moment. She said she loved you, and you said you said it back even though you didn't mean it. You didn't want to make her mad or hurt her feelings.
Thats what all guys do , dumbass! Well, except to you probably.

keg in kc 01-13-2010 07:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bowser (Post 6442293)
What's with all the psychological stuff? Last I checked, this was a thread about how to get to a woman's heart through anal sex.
My dick's pretty big, but I don't think I can reach a girl's heart through her ass. Plus there's all that stuff in between. I mean, I know, they may call me "the impaler", but it's just a nickname.

Frazod 01-13-2010 07:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by keg in kc (Post 6442116)
Slayer giving sex advice.

It really is the end of time.
LMAO

Ain't that that truth. I was having a beer with Bearcat a few months ago and asked him about Slayer. I was shocked to learn that he is now a 20-something college student.

These kids have grown up in the past decade. And we are OLD.

MTG#10 01-13-2010 07:16 PM
Now she's texting me saying she cant wait to see me tomorrow so she can "ravage me". That doesnt sound like love making to me.

Bowser 01-13-2010 07:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by keg in kc (Post 6442324)
My dick's pretty big, but I don't think I can reach a girl's heart through her ass. Plus there's all that stuff in between. I mean, I know, they may call me "the impaler", but it's just a nickname.
"Should we call you Nick, or Mr. Dick?"

Hog's Gone Fishin 01-13-2010 07:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTG#10 (Post 6442334)
Now she's texting me saying she cant wait to see me tomorrow so she can "ravage me". That doesnt sound like love making to me.
Who ,"luv" ?

MTG#10 01-13-2010 07:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hog Farmer (Post 6442338)
Who ,"luv" ?
ROFL

Saccopoo 01-13-2010 07:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayer (Post 6442079)
This is called the "Venus Butterfly", but not my variation of it...if she doesn't think you love her after this, she's probably got a disorder of some kind.

1.Kiss and caress your lover passionately to get her juices flowing.
2.Give her oral sex slowly teasing her Yoni/Vagina with your tongue.
3.Gently pull back her clitoral hood.
4.Stimulate it with your tongue until she reaches a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 0 to 10 with 10 being orgasm.
5.Move away from the clitoris and stimulate the entire outside of her Yoni in circular motions.
6.Return to clitoris stimulation as above until she reaches a 9 on her pleasure scale.
7.Ask her if she is ready for you to enter her Yoni to find and stimulate her G-spot.
8.Continue to stimulate her clitoris with your tongue, while tapping her G-spot with your finger(s) simultaneously.
9.If all goes well, she will have a mind-blowing, body-melting internal and external orgasm resulting in multiple orgasms.
10.Ask her for verbal feedback as you cup one of your hands over her Yoni gently to hold the sexual energy within.
I think I just threw up in my mouth...

bevischief 01-13-2010 07:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTG#10 (Post 6442334)
Now she's texting me saying she cant wait to see me tomorrow so she can "ravage me". That doesnt sound like love making to me.
Watch the back door...

Bowser 01-13-2010 07:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTG#10 (Post 6442334)
Now she's texting me saying she cant wait to see me tomorrow so she can "ravage me". That doesnt sound like love making to me.
I went ahead and forwarded the thread to her. You're welcome.

Bearcat 01-13-2010 07:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saccopoo (Post 6442343)
I think I just threw up in my mouth...
You? I just saw my baby brother use the phrase "clitoral hood".

bevischief 01-13-2010 07:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearcat (Post 6442353)
You? I just saw my baby brother use the phrase "clitoral hood".
ROFL

DumbHillbillies 01-13-2010 07:23 PM
Don't jizz in her face.
Don't say you like that don't you b*tch.
Missionary position. Go Semi-slow but not too slow.
Cowgirl.
Stare into her eyes.

King_Chief_Fan 01-13-2010 07:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTG#10 (Post 6440895)
So this girl Ive been seeing for a while now is telling me she loves me and the next time she comes over (tomorrow night) she doesnt want me to **** her, she wants me to "make love to her". I haven't "made love" to someone in so long I don't think I remember how. Obviously it would come naturally if I was in love with her, but Im not so I need to fake this somehow. Any advice/tips would be appreciated.
ha ha....tell you what, give me her address and watch me through the window. :D

DumbHillbillies 01-13-2010 07:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTG#10 (Post 6442299)
She asked me to do something sexually for her and I like her so Im going to comply. I dont think she's going to think I love her until I actually say it.
This.

Bowser 01-13-2010 07:26 PM
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And then MTG blows it in his pants.

Param 01-13-2010 07:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTG#10 (Post 6442272)
Its not all I want though. I really like this girl. I actually care about this one, just not to the point where I can honestly say I "love" her...
So tell her? And "love making" kinda freaks you out right now. Let her take control.:D

Param 01-13-2010 07:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTG#10 (Post 6442334)
Now she's texting me saying she cant wait to see me tomorrow so she can "ravage me". That doesnt sound like love making to me.
Sounds good to me.

Slayer Diablo 01-13-2010 07:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearcat (Post 6442353)
You? I just saw my baby brother use the phrase "clitoral hood".
It was more of a copy/paste...

Mile High Mania 01-13-2010 07:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayer (Post 6442421)
It was more of a copy/paste...
So, you and GoChiefs really do have a lot in common.

keg in kc 01-13-2010 07:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mile High Mania (Post 6442426)
So, you and GoChiefs really do have a lot in common.
Neither of them have any idea what a clitoral hood actually is, but they can use it in a sentence. Or rather copy-and-paste somebody using it in a sentence.

It's like packfan with h-backs.

(now there's a reference at least half the board won't get)

Slayer Diablo 01-13-2010 08:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mile High Mania (Post 6442426)
So, you and GoChiefs really do have a lot in common.
The difference is he knows all the names from books, websites, and maybe a YouTube video; OTOH, I know the places without knowing the names...until I found the steps for that particular technique, I just called the hood "flap that looks like a church's entrance."

Bearcat 01-13-2010 08:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayer (Post 6442552)
The difference is he knows all the names from books, websites, and maybe a YouTube video; OTOH, I know the places without knowing the names...until I found the steps for that particular technique, I just called the hood "flap that looks like a church's entrance."
I've heard you should explore "down there"...

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Slayer Diablo 01-13-2010 08:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearcat (Post 6442600)
I've heard you should explore "down there"...

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ROFL ROFL

I should more often...that whole twenties is your physical peak thing...oh, wait.

Hammock Parties 01-13-2010 08:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayer (Post 6442552)
The difference is he knows all the names from books, websites, and maybe a YouTube video; OTOH, I know the places without knowing the names...until I found the steps for that particular technique, I just called the hood "flap that looks like a church's entrance."
Hey asshole, I'm not a ****ing virgin.

Psyko Tek 01-13-2010 08:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsmax (Post 6441495)
Tell her that you really want to make love to her, but don't know how as you have only ever $%^#ed women before......but you realy want to make love to her as ask her to teach you.......
that'll work
good call

Psyko Tek 01-13-2010 09:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTG#10 (Post 6442036)
ROFL

No she's actually hot as hell...Ive just had a little bit of a problem with keeping my dick hard and getting off since my wife left. The only way Ive been successful is to pound the shit out of every girl Ive slept with. If I try to slow it down and be gentle I think of my wife and go limp. Its all psychological.
dude, I didn't think of my wife whn I was ****in'her
salma hayek
halley beery
angelina jolie
jessica anybody

Psyko Tek 01-13-2010 09:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chefs fan in omaha (Post 6442061)
Just remember, 1 flaming orgasm and you own her for life
5 and she's letting you bring other chicks in bed

boogblaster 01-13-2010 09:32 PM
Insert pump tell she's better than her mom ....

Psyko Tek 01-13-2010 09:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayer (Post 6442135)
I was gone for 3 and a half years...I had fun with it.
the right nerve?

SenselessChiefsFan 01-13-2010 09:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Donger (Post 6440914)
Do:

Lots of foreplay. Less "aggressive" penetration. Look her in the eyes. Lots of kissing. Lots of moaning.

Don't:

Grab her throat. Pull her hair. No spanking. No grunting.

So you don't think I love my wife?

Dante84 01-13-2010 09:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs (Post 6442769)
Hey asshole, I'm not a ****ing virgin.
Well, no virgin is.

luv 01-13-2010 10:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante84 (Post 6443134)
Well, no virgin is.
LMAO

Hammock Parties 01-13-2010 10:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante84 (Post 6443134)
Well, no virgin is.
WRONG! Virgins can **** themselves.

Dante84 01-13-2010 10:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs (Post 6443152)
WRONG! Virgins can **** themselves.
Yeah, but is it really ****ing? I mean... it's...just, not ****ing.

TigerPig 01-13-2010 10:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Psyko Tek (Post 6442941)
5 and she's letting you bring other chicks in bed
Women are like floor tiles. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

Slayer Diablo 01-13-2010 10:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs (Post 6443152)
WRONG! Virgins can **** themselves.
ROFL ROFL :LOL: :rolleyes: ROFL

Yeah, that's what I thought you meant. Go have a real **** with a real woman...if it comes down to a worst case scenario, she doesn't have to have been born a woman. Then and only then may you come back here and say that you are no longer a virgin.

Hammock Parties 01-13-2010 10:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayer (Post 6443371)
ROFL ROFL :LOL: :rolleyes: ROFL

Yeah, that's what I thought you meant. Go have a real **** with a real woman...if it comes down to a worst case scenario, she doesn't have to have been born a woman. Then and only then may you come back here and say that you are no longer a virgin.
You missed the party dude. A cougar raped me.

keg in kc 01-13-2010 10:51 PM
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Iowanian 01-13-2010 10:54 PM
Slayer in Gochiefs in another beardoff 6 years later.....only this time, its mangey clams instead of chins?

TigerPig 01-13-2010 10:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs (Post 6443377)
You missed the party dude. A cougar raped me.
Is getting laid a lot a big concern of yours, or is it just something you'd like to have happen but don't really care about?

Hammock Parties 01-13-2010 10:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TigerPig (Post 6443396)
is it just something you'd like to have happen but don't really care about?
This.

luv 01-13-2010 11:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs (Post 6443403)
This.
LMAO

Yeah, right.

Hammock Parties 01-13-2010 11:01 PM
If it was a bigger concern I would put more effort into it.

TigerPig 01-13-2010 11:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs (Post 6443409)
If it was a bigger concern I would put more effort into it.
I wish I was like this. I've lived my life with the SOLE purpose of getting laid by as many women as possible. Its only been in the last half year or so that I've realized maybe there's some quality over quantity.

And although I'm a nice person, I'm EXTREMELY narcissistic. If you ever watch Entourage, I'm a lot like Vince (minus the celebrity status, height, and dark, curly hair).

Hammock Parties 01-13-2010 11:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TigerPig (Post 6443438)
I wish I was like this. I've lived my life with the SOLE purpose of getting laid by as many women as possible. Its only been in the last half year or so that I've realized maybe there's some quality over quantity.
Gross.

I could go out and and bag some fat chick tonight but....no thanks.

By the way, you're a cool n00b.

Mecca 01-13-2010 11:12 PM
MTG really should rethink some of these threads he starts.

Lzen 01-13-2010 11:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kepp (Post 6441115)
<object height="344" width="425">


<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/xnw1sycQphY&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" height="344" width="425"></object>
Holy shit!

ROFL ROFL

Hammock Parties 01-13-2010 11:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 6443442)
MTG really should rethink some of these threads he starts.
Yes, he should supplement with pictures of the whores he's nailing.

luv 01-13-2010 11:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs (Post 6443441)
Gross.

I could go out and and bag some fat chick tonight but....no thanks.

By the way, you're a cool n00b.
You couldn't go out and bag a hot chick tonight either.

Lzen 01-13-2010 11:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iowanian (Post 6441500)
It means you have to replace the event soundtrack from the usual 9inNails to John Mayer
FYP

Hammock Parties 01-13-2010 11:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv (Post 6443449)
You couldn't go out and bag a hot chick tonight either.
I know. Those take effort.

Mecca 01-13-2010 11:21 PM
If he's going to start all these threads about his personal life like this, I expect pics and serious detail.

If not, keep that shit to yourself.

luv 01-13-2010 11:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs (Post 6443471)
I know. Those take effort.
You have a thread devoted to your efforts.

Hammock Parties 01-13-2010 11:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv (Post 6443477)
You have a thread devoted to your efforts.
It's been rather inactive for some time.

Iowanian 01-13-2010 11:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lzen (Post 6443456)
FYP
Whatever you say primetime, I heard your go-to cd rack contained barbi girl and chumbowumba

TigerPig 01-13-2010 11:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs (Post 6443441)
Gross.

I could go out and and bag some fat chick tonight but....no thanks.

By the way, you're a cool n00b.
Fat chicks and ugly chicks... ROCK. You have no freaking clue how much they rock. They so many times will try sooo hard to make you happy, that before you know it you're doing some fun, wild stuff.

Hot, arrogant girls think they can get whoever they want, and just phone it in. They think their p*ssy is a gift or something.

luv 01-13-2010 11:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs (Post 6443479)
It's been rather inactive for some time.
My apologies. You appear to have taken the week off.

luv 01-13-2010 11:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TigerPig (Post 6443485)
Fat chicks and ugly chicks... ROCK. You have no freaking clue how much they rock. They so many times will try sooo hard to make you happy, that before you know it you're doing some fun, wild stuff.

Hot, arrogant girls think they can get whoever they want, and just phone it in. They think their p*ssy is a gift or something.
We may not look as good doing it, but if you've got a vivid imagination and the ability to close your eyes....


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