Funny Stuff Have You Found Jesus? - Page 2

**CosmicPal** · 01-30-2010, 10:49 AM

A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am."

The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.

"Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked.

"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?"

"No, I did not!"" said the drunk again.

Disgusted, the Minister holds the drunk under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

EyePod · 01-30-2010, 05:44 PM

I found him...

Let's just say he won't be causing any more terrible religious wars and won't be coming back a 2nd time.

**bevischief** · 01-30-2010, 05:51 PM

Slayer Diablo · 01-30-2010, 07:50 PM

So a priest walks into a bar and sits next to a fellow who's been drinking for a bit. After the priest orders a drink, the guy beside him says, "Father, I've been wondering...my ex-high-school-sweetheart just became a nun. I understand it's very respectable, but why do so many women commit to a life like that?"

The priest thought for a moment and replied, "Well, my son, the call to the Sisterhood is an important step to gaining a closer, more emotional and spiritual relationship with Jesus."

"That's what I thought," the guy said. "I just can't wrap my head around how she wants to go through all of that."

"What do you mean?" the priest asked.

"Well, she's never been into arrogant or boastful guys."

The priest took into consideration that the fellow had been drinking and remained calm. "Jesus tried to help the people of the world in every way he could, and he tried to remain unseen. He most certainly was not arrogant or boastful."

"I'm sorry, Father, but that's definitely bullsh*t," the guy replied. "Any guy has gotta be a prick if he's going to lie about how well he was hung."

FAX · 01-30-2010, 08:41 PM

Jesus is cool. I am totally for everything Jesus stood for. Plus, I like miracles. A lot.

But, the thing is that Jesus has had some pretty stiff competition ever since Mr. DaneMcCloud raised himself from the dead.

FAX

DJJasonp · 01-30-2010, 09:20 PM

Seriously....I live in San Diego....20% of our population is named Jesus!

**CosmicPal** · 01-30-2010, 09:24 PM

Speaking of Jesus, this is a hilarious read- Christopher Moore's "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal."

http://www.amazon.com/Lamb-Gospel-Ac...4908149&sr=1-1

01-30-2010, 10:49 AM
CosmicPal Learn it. Know it. Live it. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Casino cash: $10004900	Have You Found Jesus? A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am." The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked. "No, I didn't!" said the drunk. The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?" "No, I did not!"" said the drunk again. Disgusted, the Minister holds the drunk under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
Posts: 10,840

01-30-2010, 05:44 PM	#16
EyePod Forgetting 2013 season end. Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Around Casino cash: $9995735	I found him... Let's just say he won't be causing any more terrible religious wars and won't be coming back a 2nd time. __________________ I did not believe in Mahomes until week 1. I've been woke ever since. I'm on board this freight train.
Posts: 5,800

01-30-2010, 05:51 PM	#17
bevischief .... Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Somewhere Kansas Casino cash: $7729352 VARSITY	Attached Thumbnails
Posts: 27,771

01-30-2010, 07:50 PM	#18
Slayer Diablo Cross with me Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Kansas City, MO Casino cash: $9994900	So a priest walks into a bar and sits next to a fellow who's been drinking for a bit. After the priest orders a drink, the guy beside him says, "Father, I've been wondering...my ex-high-school-sweetheart just became a nun. I understand it's very respectable, but why do so many women commit to a life like that?" The priest thought for a moment and replied, "Well, my son, the call to the Sisterhood is an important step to gaining a closer, more emotional and spiritual relationship with Jesus." "That's what I thought," the guy said. "I just can't wrap my head around how she wants to go through all of that." "What do you mean?" the priest asked. "Well, she's never been into arrogant or boastful guys." The priest took into consideration that the fellow had been drinking and remained calm. "Jesus tried to help the people of the world in every way he could, and he tried to remain unseen. He most certainly was not arrogant or boastful." "I'm sorry, Father, but that's definitely bullsh*t," the guy replied. "Any guy has gotta be a prick if he's going to lie about how well he was hung."
Posts: 11,673

01-30-2010, 08:41 PM	#19
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	Jesus is cool. I am totally for everything Jesus stood for. Plus, I like miracles. A lot. But, the thing is that Jesus has had some pretty stiff competition ever since Mr. DaneMcCloud raised himself from the dead. FAX
Posts: 44,492

01-30-2010, 09:20 PM	#20
DJJasonp My work speaks for itself!!! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: So Cal Casino cash: $-1884800	Seriously....I live in San Diego....20% of our population is named Jesus! __________________ Its easier to fool a man, than to convince a man he's been fooled.
Posts: 13,982

01-30-2010, 09:24 PM	#21
CosmicPal Learn it. Know it. Live it. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Casino cash: $10004900	Speaking of Jesus, this is a hilarious read- Christopher Moore's "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal." http://www.amazon.com/Lamb-Gospel-Ac...4908149&sr=1-1 __________________ - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - Four blessings upon my fellow planeteers: Older whiskey, younger women, faster horses, and more money.
Posts: 10,840