Funny Sports Writing Style or Not

[NewChief]

I'm torn over this guy who is writing for one of our local e-zines. I think I like it, though.

http://www.fayettevilleflyer.com/201...t-vs-arkansas/
Hogs Guy Predicts: Vanderbilt vs. Arkansas
By Hogs Guy · October 29, 2010 · 1 Comment ·

Hogs Guy
To all of the various readers that have been reading and enjoying my sports articles about the college football team of Arkansas Razorbacks. First, my name is Hogs Guy. Second, and I L-O-V-E the Hogs footballers. And more important than that, is how good they are at winning and life. C, I’d say their cool for 43 reasons. Amen brothers. Amen sisters. Amen it all to heck. Hogs and Bobby Petrino coach, Ryan Malletts, they’re wide receivers and more are teh sweet team to cheer for.

Speaking of cheer fors, when the Arkansas team beat the Ole Missers last week! We scored several more points than the other team. In fact, it was a final game score of 38 to 24, in favor of our team (the Razorbakcs!)! That means it’s time to go a Hogs Call cheer:

Whoo-weee pigs! Ooie!
Whoo-weee pigs! Ooie
Whoo-weee pigs! Ooie! The razorbacks can!

Fire is in my blood. And that is because we have a winner coach over our old losing coach of Houston Nutt. It was a different looking game than before it happened. The Razorbacks didn’t do a ton of pass play choices. That’s because Malletts threw intercept pass-play #7 on the year already and then had a sore shoulder. It wasn’t a game plan, but then Knife Knile Davis ran it left and ran it right and ran it almost two football game fields and scored three six-pointers. Bad news is Joe Adams and Greg Childs got hurt. And then it rained a bunch. And then Houston Nutts was at a loss for ideas and or wins. What a dumb choice.


Hogs Guy spotted calling the Hogs
Which brings us to winning 5 of most of our games this year. Due to this achievement, the college officials have said that we are now the Homecomers for the weekend! And that means that we get to throw parties and footballs and the rules say we have to play football against a not so very good team. That team is called Vanderbilt-Commodores.

The Vanderbilts have only won 2 of most of their games this year. Like we did, they were the winning team in their match up with Old Miss. But don’t let that fool your mind and whatever idea you have of evenness. The Vanderbilts are not very too good at football. They ARE very too good at graduation plays. Nerds.

We have a good news in that Malletts will be playing quarterback. More good news is that Greg Childs and his ankle have said they should play. Bad news is Joe Adams and his ankle say no way guys, we aren’t going to run around, give me a rest, give us a rest we mean. More bad news, Dequinta Jones was running red stoplights and holding bags of weed pot out of his car window for any cop to see. Which means he gots arrested. Which means his play is suspended for life. Or until Petrinos says his play isn’t suspended.

Maybe our defense got smarter and better over the week. They really have to start getting smarter soon, we have big tough games to play soon for the rest of the season. But this week shouldn’t be so big or tough so we can be the Homecomers and throw parties before and throw parties after we throw footballs on the winning field of football contests.

And if you’re wanting to take me on in a bet, you can. I think this is how the game will turn out – Arkansas Razorbacks 45, Vanderbilt 13. If you think you can beat me, first off, you can’t. Get a life. Second off, tell me YOUR score guess below. I’d say good luck, but you’ve already lost. And don’t even think about guessing AGAINST the Hogs. If you do the vision of me ripping the bottom off a iron skillet is the least of your worries. The most of your worries should be how in the heck I did it. A portion of your worries should be what I will do with it after I rip it off. Option A: hit you. Option B: frisbee you. Option C: large human coin flip. Hint. It’s probably A and B. C is dumb.

I’m Hogs Guy. Bye.

[Psyko Tek]

Originally Posted by NewPhin

Yeah, I can't figure out if he's supposed to be a dumbass hillbilly... or if he's trying to play a foreigner who is writing about football and knows nothing about it.

my guess it's straight up truth
what you see is what you get

it's not a joke

[NewChief]

Originally Posted by Psyko Tek

my guess it's straight up truth
what you see is what you get

it's not a joke

Ummmm. No. Did you see the picture of the guy? He's definitely trying to create a persona.

[Psyko Tek]

looks like a normal moran to me
but I grew up in NE and live in AZ
he would fit right in a party in either place

[KcMizzou]

Originally Posted by Rausch

A gal with the "please don't hurt me" look isn't much of a personal turn on.

Just me.

Just how I feel...

"Ugh. He's touching me. He's touching me!"

[RJ]

Reminds me of reading Junie B Jones books with my daughter.