What is UP with this Bronco's fan?

[Direckshun]

You see her at 0:10 seconds.

Take away the fact that this is a terrible commercial. Terrible acting, and terrible attempts at poetry -- apparently the NFL has assumed its audience is a bunch of 12-year-olds who will be impressed by such clever turns of phrase as "'cause fantasy I play." And ignore the fact that the Redskins fan at 0:49 looks like a reject from Fight Club.

Somewhere in this commercial is a grain of unholy truth.

The Broncos girl at about ten seconds in is downright unsettling. She is supposedly this hardcore Broncos fan. But she is clearly getting no joy out of the whole ritual.

Sure, she comes to the games.

She comes because her brothers forcefed her a steady stream of football since she could crawl.

She comes because this is all she knows.

She gets no enjoyment from any of this.

She knows football forwards and backwards, and she can recite with dead eyes the many preferred platforms she knows she's supposed to prefer watching it on.

But deep inside her, she is alone.

She is not following a passion. She is a prisoner of social norms.

She wanted to follow her dream of making floral arrangements for television infomercials.

When she got a chance to break away from her rigid, miserable father, and her overbearing brothers, she would often go to the park nearby and observe the Japanese gardens.

They would have all sorts of floral arrangements, and she could let her mind and soul finally follow her dreams.

But then she would return.

Her father would force a Broncos jersey onto her before suppertime.

And her brothers would convince her that she should wear darker eye shades, because all guys want is a racoon for a girlfriend.

That and a football fan.

You will love and dream of Broncos football, Melissa. Or you're not an Oswald.

So she goes to the games.

And people ask her who she thinks should start at running back.

She always has an opinion. She always says the right things.

But it's been years since she's felt joy.

It's been years since she's felt emotions of any kind.

That's why she started killing.

At first it was a couple hitchhikers on the way to a Broncos game.

Imprisoned into rooting for the Broncos for a lifetime, she thought it'd finally give her day some purpose.

Murder an innocent, and see if you could stash the body for the day without anybody at the tailgate noticing.

The stench of the rotting corpse being overshadowed by smokey coals after the game.

Once, before a home game in 2011, she was sloppy about it on the way to the stadium.

She was running late and did a terrible hack job on one innocent.

She hacked him up but didn't control the wounds in time.

Between their 11th and 12th cans of Bud Light Lime, her brothers started smelling something.

They started wondering what on earth that horrific stench was.

They turned to Melissa. "What the hell is that smell? And why aren't you wearing more eye black?"

Quickly, robotically, she had done what she had done all her life:

"I think the real question here is how serious is Ty Warren's injury? I bet he ends up on IR."

Her brothers, thoughtlessly and drunkenly, followed her lead and began discussing Warren's future with the team.

And Melissa smirked.

It's the only time she feels anything.

When she kills.

And only her dead eyes betray her when she talks football.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

You need to get a girlfriend man