Ten Things About Last Night's Game

[gblowfish]

10. I'm on vacation this week. I haven't had a lot of time off this year. My dad passed away back in January and after missing about two weeks of work, I've been doing nothing but grinding it. So it's nice to have a few days here just to chill, sleep late, goof off and watch sports. Last night I went to the Mizzou-Notre Dame game. I figured I wouldn't be missing much if I Tivo'ed the Chiefs. Turns out I missed the best part. I got out of the Sprint Center, turned on Mitch and Len in the car headed back home, just in time to hear Gronkowski score the Pats first TD. This morning I watched the part of the game I missed, and reviewed a few plays. Earlier in the week my prediction was Pats 55-0. 34-3 isn't quite that bad, but bad enough. Especially when all 34 points were unanswered after a 3-0 lead.

9. I like to look at the stats sheet after every game for a couple reasons. One reson is, the stats sheet is a quick snapshot of the game in objective terms. Second, stats can clarify or confound. People say the numbers don't lie, but sometimes they can be used to put lipstick on a pig. If you look at the stats sheet without seeing the score, you might think this game was in the neighborhood of 28-21. Total offense was pretty close; Pats had about 45 yards more than KC. Chiefs ran 67 plays; Pats 65. Both teams gave up three sacks. Both teams averaged about 4.5 yards per rush. Chiefs won time of possession, they had the ball three more minutes than the Pats. Of course, the two big differences: KC three picks, Pats zero. Pats four TDs, Chiefs zero.

8. Let's talk Tyler Callabaloo, aka Tyler Failco, aka Shane Falco, aka Tyler Thigpen. What can you say? You can see why he bounced around from New Orleans to Pittsburgh to here. He seems to have a pretty good head on his shoulders, but unfortunately that's where the talent stops. He's got a weak arm, he's inaccurate and he throws drive killing picks. His start reminded me a lot of when Thiggy got thrown into the breach after Huard went down under the Herminator. Predictably, Haley got pretty much the same results. Actually, it could have been worse. Callabaloo threw for 236 yards and spread the ball to seven different receivers. He only got sacked three times. I thought we might give up twice that many. Hell, the Duke of Dink only threw for 93 yards last week against the Donks. Palko moved the team, he just continually snuffed drives by turning the ball over. The last pick was into triple coverage.

7. I think the game actually turned when the Chiefs had to settle for three on their only scoring drive. They do a decent job mixing run and pass up to that point. "The Illusive Thomas Jones" actually breaks a decent run for 25 yards, but steps out of bounds at the five. What happens next? Illegal shift penalty. Then a sack back to the 15. Then a five yard pass on third and goal, hoping Bowe will somehow get the last ten yards on his own. So what started as first and goal on the five ends up being a field goal kicked from the eight. Then nothing the rest of the game. Chiefs have scored a whopping total of 16 point in the last three games.

6. Then following the field goal, Haley goes all Daffy Duck and tries a surprise onside kick. It doesn't work, and from there, there's nothing but disaster the rest of the way. I don't mind Haley going Daffy Duck, but at least be consistent. Later in the game Chiefs have a fourth and one, and try to draw Pats offsides for the first. Instead, they get a delay of game, which snuffs the drive. You've been averaging 4.5 yards per rush, you've got nothing to lose, really. If you're going to be a riverboat gambler, give the ball to Battle and make that yard. The bi-polar coaching style is maddening, and is probably confusing to the players.

5. God we miss Eric Berry. Because of the nature of his knee injury, there'll no telling if he'll ever be the player he was before he got hurt. But even Eric Berry at 75% would be better than the human fecal debris we're running out there now. "The Donald" Washington is useless. How did he ever make the roster at Ohio State? The rookie Brown from Colorado looks scared witless every time he's on the field. I never thought I'd mourn the loss of Jon McGraw, but Slappy Pistachio will do that to you. Can I ask a simple question? Why have our defensive backs never stopped a crossing pattern to a tight end EVER? Every time that play is called, they literally look dumbfounded, like a pygmy seeing a missionary for the first time. Is it too much to ask the defense to cover a damn tight end across the middle?

4. I'm not going to say much about the MNF broadcast crew, except to say they might as well have done the entire broadcast with a giant blue dildo labeled "Tom Brady's Johnson" in Gruden's mouth. The last Pats TD was a rub Haley/Pioli's nose in it statement. The MNF crew says something like "Oh, they're not running it up, that's just Patriot football." Then to make it worse, Turico says "Well, at least you Chiefs fans can watch the KU Basketball game later tonight." Obviously he doesn't realize that at least 70% of Chiefs fans are Mizzou or K-State fans and would rather be executed by firing squad that have to watch KU Basketball after that giant turd fest.

3. Did we miss Dorsey and Cassel all the much? I don't think the results would have been much different if they had played. This team has no depth. If you ask Clark Hunt, he can give you about 30 million reasons why that is. Chiefs Cheap is coming home to roost now. Do the Chiefs care? Not really. What do you want from them? They've already said they're not raising ticket prices next year, and the nosebleed seats will actually be cheaper. So now you can pay less to see the same garbage. Doesn't that make you feel better? And, if you pay your bill early, you'll get an exciting chance to win one of 30 prizes! Kind of like playing Monopoly at McDonalds. Ooo....look, I won small Coke. And it only cost me Three Grand!

2. There's been a lot of speculation that Coach Haley will get fired. I once told him he deserved to be fired, and he didn't agree with me. I've been watching the Chiefs front office for a long time. I don't think Clark is very far removed from his daddy. I think they'll white-wash this season as being all injury related, and give Haley one more year. Besides, he has another year on his contract, and the Hunt Family is notoriously cheap. They won't want to pay two coaches at the same time. People keep saying "Go get Gruden, or Jeff Fisher, or Cowher." I think Pioli has a bit of King Carl Control Disease, and wouldn't want to share power with a strong, experienced head coach. Not just yet, anyway. Pioli still has that "Hoodie's Yes Man" image that he's trying to shake. He needs to prove he can do it out of Hoodie's shadow. Until he does that, I don't think he'll go for a coach that has more success and experience than he's had. Watch for the Chiefs to give the Duke of Dink the dreaded vote of confidence, trade down in the draft, and take an offensive tackle in the first round. Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was.

1. Look for Sunday Night against the Steelers to be MNF part two. The score may be the same or worse. and I'll bet you about a third to half of the crowd will be Steelers fans. This time, I bet they blitz the crap out of Palko. After Woodley and Harrison have their way with him like a prison bitch, they scrape Palko off the field with a big spatula and then send Stanzi in to take his fraternity hazing. The rest of this year will not go well. Going into the season, I was expecting maybe a 7-9 or 6-10 year, because of the first place schedule, and because this team just won't ever be much good under Cassel. Now looks like a four win year, maybe five if we get lucky once. Have I cheered you up yet?

Bonus 11th Thing:

Finally, I wish you and yours a wonderful Thanksgiving. Please think about those less fortunate this season. Stick a couple bucks in a Salvation Army kettle, donate some canned goods, give up a coat or blanket in your office clothing drive. It seems like things only get worse for more and more folks as each year goes by, and a lot of people are truly hurting. Give thanks around your table on Thursday, but also remember to give back what you can, whenever you can.