Funny Stuff Have You Found Jesus?

**CosmicPal** · 01-30-2010, 10:49 AM

A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am."

The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.

"Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked.

"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?"

"No, I did not!"" said the drunk again.

Disgusted, the Minister holds the drunk under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

**luv** · 01-30-2010, 10:52 AM

I didn't know I was s'posed to be lookin' for him, sir.

JD10367 · 01-30-2010, 10:52 AM

JD10367 · 01-30-2010, 10:53 AM

**CosmicPal** · 01-30-2010, 10:56 AM

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face covered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

milkman · 01-30-2010, 10:58 AM

I haven't been in Seattle.

POND_OF_RED · 01-30-2010, 11:04 AM

He's too busy learning another position and recording commercials to let people know they should never listen to the advice of doctors.

Mr. Laz · 01-30-2010, 11:04 AM

i didn't know he was lost

**CosmicPal** · 01-30-2010, 11:06 AM

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
----- Benjamin Franklin

JD10367 · 01-30-2010, 11:06 AM

KurtCobain · 01-30-2010, 02:07 PM

Found jesus in a mexican pizza once, had to let him go though.

**Rausch** · 01-30-2010, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KurtCobain

Found jesus in a mexican pizza once, had to let him go though.

Found Jesus in a 1/2 mexican once.

Had to let her go too...

**Bowser** · 01-30-2010, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rausch

Found Jesus in a 1/2 mexican once.

Had to let her go too...

That must have been awkward.

Archie F. Swin · 01-30-2010, 04:29 PM

I saw Jesus at church on Sunday. He has a well groomed mustache and he turns water into coffee.

**Bugeater** · 01-30-2010, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JD10367

Mods, remove this post or I'm leaving forever.

01-30-2010, 10:49 AM
CosmicPal Learn it. Know it. Live it. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Casino cash: $10004900	Have You Found Jesus? A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am." The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked. "No, I didn't!" said the drunk. The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?" "No, I did not!"" said the drunk again. Disgusted, the Minister holds the drunk under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
Posts: 10,840

01-30-2010, 10:52 AM	#2
luv You think you can get by this? Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $-1250000	Have you found Jesus? I didn't know I was s'posed to be lookin' for him, sir.
Posts: 63,567

01-30-2010, 10:52 AM	#3
JD10367 Cheaterlover* Join Date: May 2009 Location: RI Casino cash: $10010716
Posts: 12,916

01-30-2010, 10:53 AM	#4
JD10367 Cheaterlover* Join Date: May 2009 Location: RI Casino cash: $10010716
Posts: 12,916

01-30-2010, 10:56 AM	#5
CosmicPal Learn it. Know it. Live it. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Casino cash: $10004900	A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face covered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does." __________________ - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - Four blessings upon my fellow planeteers: Older whiskey, younger women, faster horses, and more money.
Posts: 10,840

01-30-2010, 10:58 AM	#6
milkman Dumbass! Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Leading the Marty bashing Casino cash: $10029395	I haven't been in Seattle. __________________
Posts: 70,769

01-30-2010, 11:04 AM	#7
POND_OF_RED The talking stonehead Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Blue Springs, MO Casino cash: $-1916854	He's too busy learning another position and recording commercials to let people know they should never listen to the advice of doctors.
Posts: 6,016

01-30-2010, 11:04 AM	#8
Mr. Laz Don't Tease Me Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: KS Casino cash: $11047037	i didn't know he was lost __________________
Posts: 95,626

01-30-2010, 11:06 AM	#9
CosmicPal Learn it. Know it. Live it. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Casino cash: $10004900	"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ----- Benjamin Franklin __________________ - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - Four blessings upon my fellow planeteers: Older whiskey, younger women, faster horses, and more money.
Posts: 10,840

01-30-2010, 02:07 PM	#11
KurtCobain legend Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Independence, MO Casino cash: $-3347903	Found jesus in a mexican pizza once, had to let him go though.
Posts: 28,546

01-30-2010, 04:29 PM	#14
Archie F. Swin This is the way Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Wichita Falls, Texas Casino cash: $9975673	I saw Jesus at church on Sunday. He has a well groomed mustache and he turns water into coffee. __________________ "No Two People Will Do It The Same, You got It Down...When You Appear to Be In Pain!"
Posts: 11,800