Hypothetical: Plastic Surgery

[Rain Man]

(Inspired by Vegas Dave's thread.)


You're walking down the street when you suddenly hear a loud noise. Startled, you look over and realize that it's just a guy starting up a jackhammer. Relieved, you arrive at your bus stop just in time for the #30 crosstown bus. You climb aboard and, due to the crowd, are forced to sit next to a mid-forties guy with a missing tooth right next to his front tooth on the right, and a smell that is vaguely reminiscent of sauerkraut.

The bus pulls away from the stop, and you realize that Sandra Bullock is driving it. That's no big deal, though, since her fifteen minutes of fame ended a while back. You open up your backpack, pull out your pack of Rolos and your Teen People magazine, and settle back for the ride.

Three stops later, you hear a commotion. A silver-haired gentleman is wedged in the bus door, and Sandra Bullock is screaming and slamming it on him, open and shut, open and shut. From what you can make out, the gentleman in peril made a comment that "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous" was a step backward from the original "Miss Congeniality," and Miss Bullock took offense.

You leap to your feet in a shower of Rolos and sprint toward the door. You hurtle yourself into the tangle of rubber, flesh, and amateur film critic. While your only thought was to save yourself from Sandra Bullock's wrath, you accidentally push the gentleman clear of the door in the process. You and he tumble to the ground, and Sandra Bullock squeals the bus tires as she drives off at speeds in excess of 50 miles per hour.

You stand up and brush yourself off, and the old man does the same. He effusively praises you and credits you with saving his life, since the bus door was pinching his carotid artery shut. He's a plastic surgeon, and he offers you any services you would like as a reward.

What plastic surgery services would you take? (See poll.) Answer only for those that you would truly want to have done.