Looking for some advice..

[Joe Seahawk]

Dear Planet,

I'm, about to lose both of my parents in probably the next year or so, My mother has been diagnosed with mesothelioma from asbestos apparently.. The doctor told her in March she would probably only have about 3 months to live, she's 84 so the only treatment according to her docs is comfort drugs.

I saw her today and she is still able to breathe without oxygen, and is mentally sharp as a tack, however it's apparent she is beginning to grow tired of always feeling so bad, she said to me today that she feels like she's just waiting to die. Needless to say I'm a little freaked out, luckily she lives close and I see her often as do my seven brothers and sisters.

To add to the situation, we had to put her husband of 60 years (my dad) into an Alzheimers home recently because we simply cannot take care of him.. it's gotten to the point where he needs 24/7 care (he likes to take his clothes off

Today when i was visiting my mom she informed me about an altercation at the home where he is staying, apparently a young lady
(81) has taken a fancy to him and they hang together alot, my mom thinks it's cute. anyway they were watching a movie the other night at the home and one of the other patients decided that the lady my dad was with was his wife (not) he came over and apparently the 2 went at it (according to my mom my dad won)

Has anybody here ever been through something similar that may have some advice for me?
It would be much appreciated as would some positive thoughts/ prayers etc for my dear parents.

Cheers

JS

[Iowanian]

Thats rough Joe. Best of luck.

I can't relate, but I know brideowanian has worked in some of those situations. I'll ask.

[luv]

I'm going through something similar with my mom. She found out a few years ago that she has congestive heart failure. Her heart is enlarged, and so it's over worked. Her doctors' visits have been really weird lately. They're suddenly changing her meds, talking to her about the high possibility of her heart just stopping (no heart attack, she'd just suddenly die), etc. She already had her burial plot and headstone paid for, and she's been talking to me about the state of her affairs, where I can find all of her paperwork, etc. On top of that, she's started losing a lot of weight without changing her habits. It's pretty hard to take it all in. She could live on for years, but the recent changes just make you question a lot.

[Joe Seahawk]

Originally Posted by luv

I'm going through something similar with my mom. She found out a few years ago that she has congestive heart failure. Her heart is enlarged, and so it's over worked. Her doctors' visits have been really weird lately. They're suddenly changing her meds, talking to her about the high possibility of her heart just stopping (no heart attack, she'd just suddenly die), etc. She already had her burial plot and headstone paid for, and she's been talking to me about the state of her affairs, where I can find all of her paperwork, etc. On top of that, she's started losing a lot of weight without changing her habits. It's pretty hard to take it all in. She could live on for years, but the recent changes just make you question a lot.

My mother did not expect to make it our annual 4th of july reunion, she went, and had a blast. all her estate affairs were completed, all the insurance stuff for my dad is handled, now she is just, as she says "waiting to die" I took her on a floatplane trip to victoria about a month ago and her mind seemed to be in a much more positive state. I can't sit there and say she'll be OK. It's a very uncomfortable situation..

[SAUTO]

maybe just being there for her throughout is enough, you dont need to say its going to be ok so dont feel bad about that, just try to be there for her. take joy in the good days and put on a good face on the bad days. prayers with you and your family

[Joe Seahawk]

Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO

maybe just being there for her throughout is enough, you dont need to say its going to be ok so dont feel bad about that, just try to be there for her. take joy in the good days and put on a good face on the bad days. prayers with you and your family

Thank you.

Pretty much what I'm doing..

[Iowanian]

Joe,

I'm lucky enough to have not been in your situation, so I don't have anything to offer but you know....reading your thoughts and caring about your situation.

Brideowanian says that its tough to have any advice on these situations(medically) without knowing more, and her suggestion was that any medical concerns you may have, or concern for your dad's safety she be something to talk with staff about. They see this all of the time, are used to it, know whats normal, what to expect, and can possibly help you deal with your end of all this.

Good luck.

Sorry to hear it, bud. This is the bad side of medicine. Sometimes they keep our shell alive far longer than is prudent and then we die painfully excruciating and lengthy deaths. I want to go quickly and be of little burden to my family.

My philosophy is that if I can't wipe my dirty hind end then I've probably outlived my usefulness and DNR orders are in effect.

[luv]

Originally Posted by Joe Seahawk

My mother did not expect to make it our annual 4th of july reunion, she went, and had a blast. all her estate affairs were completed, all the insurance stuff for my dad is handled, now she is just, as she says "waiting to die" I took her on a floatplane trip to victoria about a month ago and her mind seemed to be in a much more positive state. I can't sit there and say she'll be OK. It's a very uncomfortable situation..

My apologies. I didn't mean to try to make it seem like my situation with my mom was as hard as yours. Just brought those thoughts to mind. The thoughts of not having your mom around. I don't think you can ever really prepare for it. You're looking at losing both parents. I can't even imagine.

[Joe Seahawk]

Originally Posted by luv

My apologies. I didn't mean to try to make it seem like my situation with my mom was as hard as yours. Just brought those thoughts to mind. The thoughts of not having your mom around. I don't think you can ever really prepare for it. You're looking at losing both parents. I can't even imagine.

No need to apologize, I hope for the best for you and yours as well..

[TrebMaxx]

First off prayers to the both of you Joe, and Luv. It is is not easy when your parents complete the journey of life on earth. I think for Joe you should talk to the staff about your concerns for your father. For the both of you make sure you know where everything is, wills, burial arrangements, etc. If possible get yourself named on any financial accounts, especially if you are the executor of the estate.
I just went through this when my mother passed this May. Again, prayers to both of you and your families.

[Reerun_KC]

Good Luck Joe, I wish peace on you and your family in these trying times...

[cdcox]

My prayers are with you. My mom has Alzheimers, although it is in much earlier stages and my dad can still take care of her. Very hard to watch even so. God bless.

[Buehler445]

Hey Joe. Prayers go out to you and Luv. All you can ask for is strength it is really tough to come by sometimes.

I can't relate, but my dad's dad died in March. I paid close attention to what they did because there was a lot to learn prior to when I have to do it (hopefully a LONG ways down the road). He was on dialysis and had been for 9 years. When he started it, they gave him 2 years to live. By the end, he was pretty beat up. He couldn't do much. It was really tough for me to see him like that because all of my life he had been so strong and physically able.

Anyway, towards the end, I gained a new respect for my dad and aunts and uncles. They handled keeping him comfortable and handled the succession of his assets with upstanding professionalism. For about 6 years they dealt with the constant expectancy of death. It's really a tough situation for the kids.

What I gleaned from my dad's experience is you have to find peace in the fact that they have lived their life to the fullest. Eventually that must end and you are charged with continuing life and making the best of your opportunities as they did theirs.

Best of luck bud. It is a tremendous challenge, but I have confidence you will handle it well.

[KCJohnny]

Joe,
Sorry to hear about these heavy burdens - and they are heavy - which are a part of our lives on earth for the short time we sojourn here.

Suffering is always an occasion to reach out and receive the help that only God can provide. In some ways, suffering is a mysterious gift whereby we wake up from our preoccupation with things that really don't matter in the eternal scheme of things and engage in what is truly urgent: the salvation of our souls, the souls of our loved ones, and the priorities of heaven.

Your situation is exceedingly difficult because there are so many limits on what you can effect by direct human action. Place your parents in the loving arms of God who created them so deliberately and affectionately, and ask Him to grant you the peace that passes all understanding. God is very merciful, and forgiving, and gracious, and always eager to respond to us in our hour of need.

Lastly, you are doing the right thing by sharing your burdens with others that care. So many times we try to struggle through these trials alone - and we are simply not built for that. Know that your parents are not alone, and that you are not alone, and that with God's ever-present attentiveness and paternal care, we can make it through anything together - even death.

Death is an enemy, but an enemy that Christ has slain finally and irrevocably through his passion and resurrection. There may be people such as your mom who are ready to make the transition. In our own need we sometimes try to hold them too long in our own embrace for our own reasons; but the soul knows when it is ready. Ask God to grant you wisdom that you may cooperate with His loving work here. And believe in your heart that He is at work here.
With prayer,
KCJ