Free legal advice.

[DenverChief]

A lawyer (L Scott Briscoe) decided to offer some funny free legal advice on his Facebook page. I submit some of the funnier bits.

Free legal tip of the day #1. DO NOT post photos of yourself committing crimes A, B and C. They will become states exhibits 1, 2 and 3.

Free legal tip of the day #2. Drinking ice water just before your drug test does not adequately explain why your urine sample is cold.

Free legal tip of the day #8. Do not plan your next felony on the pay phone in the jail pod next to the sign that reads " All phone calls are monitored and recorded."

Free Legal Tip of the Day #51. Your probation officer may take your more seriously if you say "My leg is not circulating and they may have to amputate," as opposed to "My leg ain't percolatin' and they may hafta laminate it."

Free Legal Tip of the Day #47. "I had no idea that was there. I must have fallen on it . . . ". does not sufficiently explain to the judge how the plastic bag full of drugs ended up in your vagina. Neither does accusing the ER nurse of sticking it there during your examination.

Free Legal Tip of the Day #39. In response to the question, "Do you think you could be the father?", "Yes" would be a more appropriate response than "Let me put it this way, that last night, I filled her plum full."

Free Legal Tip of the Day #32. After stealing someone's debit card, do not use it to pay your home utilities, unless you wanted to give a deputy directions to your house.

Free Legal Tip of the Day #23. When the judge asks where your daughter is, "She's in the ladies' room," would be a more appropriate response than ""She's poopin'."

And finally my absolute favorite (for creativity)

Free Legal Tip of the Day #20. Men, when a woman asks you to send proof of your girth and length by holding your credit card next to it in the photo, it's not your pride and joy she's wanting to see. Major points for identity theft creativity.