Hypothetical: You're the coach of a Little League team.

**Rain Man** · 07-19-2005, 08:51 PM

You're the Coach of a team of 10-year olds that are sponsored by the local topless bar, Fleshy's. Your team, the Bouncers, is in the championship game, due in no small measure to the performance of your star player, Winky Vanderbeen. Winky has been hitting .800 with a slugging percentage of 2.400. On the mound, he's been practically unhittable, with an ERA of 0.27. Even better, he's a nice kid. Other coaches have been offering you their wives and teenage twin daughters to trade Winky, but you won't do it.

The rest of your team is a mix of weak to solid players, most of whom try hard. Overall, you like the team and they're good sports.

Your weakest player is a kid named Stone Savage. Stone is a sensitive kid who likes to read Whitman when he's in the outfield. He's playing Little League to please his father, and he puts forth a good, solid effort. He knows the rules and he doesn't mind playing baseball and he's relatively popular with the other kids, but plain and simple, he stinks at baseball. His batting average for the year is .145, thanks to a few fluke singles, and he's reached base a few times on errors or walks. Nonetheless, your policy is to let every kid play, so he has received a reasonable share of playing time.

Anyway, we're back to the championship game. It's the bottom of the ninth, two outs, you're down 4-3, and you have a kid on second. (It's Lester Periwinkle, an average outfielder and occasional backup third baseman, though you don't like to use him there.) The other team has a moderately strong pitcher on the mound, but their ace bowed out in the sixth because of an orthodontist appointment.

You're feeling pretty good about this position, because Winky has not shown up for some reason, which is quite unlike him.

Stone is due up to bat. He's been on the bench the entire game, and hasn't had the opportunity to play.

Before Stone can get up to the plate, a car comes screeching into the parking lot, and Winky flies out of it. He had been playing in a basketball championship game that had gone into triple overtime, and he had to stay in to take (and make) the winning shot. Winky comes running to the dugout, utilizing what will eventually be 4.4. speed. He's now available to be a pinch hitter.

Do you let Winky bat, or do you let Stone bat? Please defend your position.

keg in kc · 07-19-2005, 08:53 PM

I would never coach a bunch of little bastards.

**Rain Man** · 07-19-2005, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keg in kc

I would never coach a bunch of little bastards.

Be honest. The parents were concerned that your ugliness would frighten the children.

Rudy tossed tigger's salad · 07-19-2005, 08:59 PM

It's a trick question, the game should have ended after the sixth inning...right?

**Rain Man** · 07-19-2005, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chiefzilla

It's a trick question, the game should have ended after the sixth inning...right?

Your local league went to a nine-inning format after a series of lawsuits by the parents of middle relievers in the teeball league.

keg in kc · 07-19-2005, 08:57 PM

Oh, puh-leez. Like I would give a crap about what the parents thought, or that my hideous deformation scares their whiny little bastards. I just don't like kids. Or doing anything for anybody. Bah. And humbug.

Deberg_1990 · 07-19-2005, 09:00 PM

What would Buttermaker do??

**Rain Man** · 07-19-2005, 09:00 PM

You're telling me that you don't care what Lester Periwinkle's mom thinks, keg? The widowed blonde who dances at Fleshy's and has the gravity-defying breasts, and only works there because she enjoys self-expression?

keg in kc · 07-19-2005, 09:02 PM

She's blonde and has fake hoo-hoos? How much worse can it get?!

**Rain Man** · 07-19-2005, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keg in kc

She's blonde and has fake hoo-hoos? How much worse can it get?!

Oh, they're real...and they're spectacular.

keg in kc · 07-19-2005, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Oh, they're real...and they're spectacular.

So not only is she blonde and has fake hoo-hoos, but she's a liar, too? Like I'm supposed to believe they're real.

**Rain Man** · 07-19-2005, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keg in kc

So not only is she blonde and has fake hoo-hoos, but she's a liar, too? Like I'm supposed to believe they're real.

Ask Endelt. He practically lives at Fleshy's.

But if you don't like her, I don't know how you can resist your shortstop's aunt. She brings him to all of the practices, and she's a 19-year-old aspiring writer who enjoys surfing porn sites, is attracted to overweight men with low self-esteem, and is a willowy brunette. She hopes to someday participate in a threesome with another woman as the third.

keg in kc · 07-19-2005, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Ask Endelt. He practically lives at Fleshy's.

But if you don't like her, I don't know how you can resist your shortstop's aunt. She brings him to all of the practices, and she's a 19-year-old aspiring writer who enjoys surfing porn sites, is attracted to overweight men with low self-esteem, and is a willowy brunette. She hopes to someday participate in a threesome with another woman as the third.

Too bad she's not a couple years older. And asian. With a british accent.

And who has low self-esteem. I'm just brutally honest about my many shortcomings.

And I don't approve of filthy pornography.

**Skip Towne** · 07-19-2005, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Oh, they're real...and they're spectacular.

Nice Seinfeld reference.

**Skip Towne** · 07-19-2005, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keg in kc

She's blonde and has fake hoo-hoos? How much worse can it get?!

Whoa, I got here late, what about hoo hoos?

View Poll Results: Who gets to bat? (See thread header.)
Winky. He's eligible, and the team deserves to have their best chance at winning.	6	50.00%
Stone. He's been there the whole game, waiting patiently for his turn.	5	41.67%
Neither. I'd forfeit. Keeping score is barbaric.	0	0%
I'd pay Winky to hit Stone in the groin with a baseball.	1	8.33%
Voters: 12. You may not vote on this poll

07-19-2005, 08:51 PM	Topic Starter
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3048491 VARSITY	Hypothetical: You're the coach of a Little League team. You're the Coach of a team of 10-year olds that are sponsored by the local topless bar, Fleshy's. Your team, the Bouncers, is in the championship game, due in no small measure to the performance of your star player, Winky Vanderbeen. Winky has been hitting .800 with a slugging percentage of 2.400. On the mound, he's been practically unhittable, with an ERA of 0.27. Even better, he's a nice kid. Other coaches have been offering you their wives and teenage twin daughters to trade Winky, but you won't do it. The rest of your team is a mix of weak to solid players, most of whom try hard. Overall, you like the team and they're good sports. Your weakest player is a kid named Stone Savage. Stone is a sensitive kid who likes to read Whitman when he's in the outfield. He's playing Little League to please his father, and he puts forth a good, solid effort. He knows the rules and he doesn't mind playing baseball and he's relatively popular with the other kids, but plain and simple, he stinks at baseball. His batting average for the year is .145, thanks to a few fluke singles, and he's reached base a few times on errors or walks. Nonetheless, your policy is to let every kid play, so he has received a reasonable share of playing time. Anyway, we're back to the championship game. It's the bottom of the ninth, two outs, you're down 4-3, and you have a kid on second. (It's Lester Periwinkle, an average outfielder and occasional backup third baseman, though you don't like to use him there.) The other team has a moderately strong pitcher on the mound, but their ace bowed out in the sixth because of an orthodontist appointment. You're feeling pretty good about this position, because Winky has not shown up for some reason, which is quite unlike him. Stone is due up to bat. He's been on the bench the entire game, and hasn't had the opportunity to play. Before Stone can get up to the plate, a car comes screeching into the parking lot, and Winky flies out of it. He had been playing in a basketball championship game that had gone into triple overtime, and he had to stay in to take (and make) the winning shot. Winky comes running to the dugout, utilizing what will eventually be 4.4. speed. He's now available to be a pinch hitter. Do you let Winky bat, or do you let Stone bat? Please defend your position.
Posts: 141,663

07-19-2005, 08:53 PM	#2
keg in kc oxymoron Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: OP/KC/Whatever Casino cash: $9556299	I would never coach a bunch of little bastards.
Posts: 58,682

07-19-2005, 08:59 PM	#4
Rudy tossed tigger's salad Better than Nelson Join Date: Mar 2003 Casino cash: $10000400	It's a trick question, the game should have ended after the sixth inning...right?
Posts: 17,356

07-19-2005, 08:57 PM	#6
keg in kc oxymoron Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: OP/KC/Whatever Casino cash: $9556299	Oh, puh-leez. Like I would give a crap about what the parents thought, or that my hideous deformation scares their whiny little bastards. I just don't like kids. Or doing anything for anybody. Bah. And humbug.
Posts: 58,682

07-19-2005, 09:00 PM	#7
Deberg_1990 In Search of a Life Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: San Antonio Tx. Casino cash: $3744454	What would Buttermaker do?? __________________ Originally Posted by Cassel's Reckoning: Matt once made a very nice play in Seattle where he spun away from a pass rusher and hit Bowe off his back foot for a first down. One of the best plays Matt has ever made.
Posts: 66,914

07-19-2005, 09:02 PM	#9
keg in kc oxymoron Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: OP/KC/Whatever Casino cash: $9556299	She's blonde and has fake hoo-hoos? How much worse can it get?!
Posts: 58,682