A completely new way of wearing a bathing suit...

**DaFace** · 08-21-2006, 10:42 PM

http://www.patentlysilly.com/patent.php?patID=6832983

Article of Clothing with a Novel Attachment Means
patent#: US 6832983
view the full patent
posted on 12/21/2004, patent issued on 12/21/2004

Don't put your clothes on, put them IN! (In your anus, your vagina, whatever you've got to work with).

Inventor John Mott Goodman has patented an entirely new way to hang clothing--snap them into your genitals. Tired of that thong creeping up your bum? Your best solution might be to jam it in further. This invention holds your clothes in place by snapping them onto a bulb that is inserted into your vagina and/or rectum. Don't just cover your orifices, fill them in as well!

Goodman lays the case for his role in the evolution of fashion:

"The purposes for holding garments on one's body are to protect one from the environment, for modesty, and to conform to the dictates of fashion. And, of course, to avoid losing them altogether."

"Modesty or decency are terms that vary by culture. But in almost all cultures the minimum requirements include covering the external genitalia [penis and testicles for men, and vaginal lips for women], plus the anus. In many cultures women are also required to cover their breasts (at least the nipples and areolae). Some cultures require more coverage than this minimum, but for swimwear and underwear in particular, any such additional coverage is fast becoming optional. "

The female versions come in three sizes--Lolita, Regular, and M.I.L.F.:

"A young woman or girl might need a very small extension, whereas a woman who is sexually active might need a larger one, and a woman who has had several children might need a still larger one."

No word on the mens' sizes.

The inventor claims that his swimsuits may be safer than currently existing options. The garment can be put on "without having to lift either leg, thus allowing one to minimize the risk of falling over"

Vibrating bulbs are optional.

**Bugeater** · 08-21-2006, 11:15 PM

Ultra Peanut · 08-22-2006, 12:20 AM

Safety first!

**TinyEvel** · 08-22-2006, 01:24 AM

This gives me an idea for a new iPod holder...

**Rain Man** · 08-22-2006, 02:03 PM

Hence the nickname, "Orifice of a thousand uses".

ROYC75 · 08-22-2006, 02:10 PM

That's very revealing to say the least !

ck_IN · 08-22-2006, 02:12 PM

I thought the pron industry had already came up with this.

BucEyedPea · 08-22-2006, 02:18 PM

This is what I'd call Men's English.

DMAC · 08-22-2006, 02:21 PM

Would you wear one to the beach for a few hours if it meant the Chiefs win the Super Bowl?

In other words, would you stick a doorknob up your ass so the can Chiefs win a Super Bowl?

Robo-Chachi · 08-22-2006, 02:22 PM

**morphius** · 08-22-2006, 02:24 PM

Quote:

The garment can be put on "without having to lift either leg, thus allowing one to minimize the risk of falling over"

Is this really an issue for anyone other then maybe a great grandma, and if that thought doesn't ruin this, nothing well...

DMAC · 08-22-2006, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robo-Chachi

Too bad he can't enjoy this moment because he has a doorknob stuck in his arse.

**Rain Man** · 08-22-2006, 02:43 PM

This would bring a new meaning to the term "wardrobe gap".

BucEyedPea · 08-22-2006, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

This would bring a new meaning to the term "wardrobe gap".

Are you still thinking about fashion?

**Rain Man** · 08-22-2006, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BucEyedPea

Are you still thinking about fashion?

If I weighed 30 pounds less and was 20 years younger and had hair and was handsome, I would be in great demand as a male model.

08-21-2006, 10:42 PM
DaFace Kind of a mod Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Donkey Land Casino cash: $-1933101	A completely new way of wearing a bathing suit... http://www.patentlysilly.com/patent.php?patID=6832983 Article of Clothing with a Novel Attachment Means patent#: US 6832983 view the full patent posted on 12/21/2004, patent issued on 12/21/2004 Don't put your clothes on, put them IN! (In your anus, your vagina, whatever you've got to work with). Inventor John Mott Goodman has patented an entirely new way to hang clothing--snap them into your genitals. Tired of that thong creeping up your bum? Your best solution might be to jam it in further. This invention holds your clothes in place by snapping them onto a bulb that is inserted into your vagina and/or rectum. Don't just cover your orifices, fill them in as well! Goodman lays the case for his role in the evolution of fashion: "The purposes for holding garments on one's body are to protect one from the environment, for modesty, and to conform to the dictates of fashion. And, of course, to avoid losing them altogether." "Modesty or decency are terms that vary by culture. But in almost all cultures the minimum requirements include covering the external genitalia [penis and testicles for men, and vaginal lips for women], plus the anus. In many cultures women are also required to cover their breasts (at least the nipples and areolae). Some cultures require more coverage than this minimum, but for swimwear and underwear in particular, any such additional coverage is fast becoming optional. " The female versions come in three sizes--Lolita, Regular, and M.I.L.F.: "A young woman or girl might need a very small extension, whereas a woman who is sexually active might need a larger one, and a woman who has had several children might need a still larger one." No word on the mens' sizes. The inventor claims that his swimsuits may be safer than currently existing options. The garment can be put on "without having to lift either leg, thus allowing one to minimize the risk of falling over" Vibrating bulbs are optional.
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08-21-2006, 11:15 PM	#2
Bugeater The Maintenance Guy Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Renovated Bugeater Estate Casino cash: $3992680
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08-22-2006, 12:20 AM	#3
Ultra Peanut v^V^v^V^v^V^ Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Holland* Casino cash: $10005177	Safety first! __________________
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08-22-2006, 01:24 AM	#4
TinyEvel Just a li'l Evel Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Bald. Goatee. Jorts. Casino cash: $2219601	This gives me an idea for a new iPod holder...
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08-22-2006, 02:03 PM	#5
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-732449 VARSITY	Hence the nickname, "Orifice of a thousand uses". __________________ Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history.
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08-22-2006, 02:10 PM	#6
ROYC75 Time For Your Wake Up Call !!! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Barn Yard Casino cash: $2110400	That's very revealing to say the least ! __________________ Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it. John Lennon
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08-22-2006, 02:12 PM	#7
ck_IN Feels so good. Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $10004900	I thought the pron industry had already came up with this. __________________ As sweet as Tupelo Honey
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08-22-2006, 02:18 PM	#8
BucEyedPea Here comes Peter Cottontail! Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: None of your business Casino cash: $-340037	This is what I'd call Men's English. __________________ Hello, Bearcat. Two Questions: Are you Malcor? Because call-out threads don't get moved to the Romper Room, but asking who Malcor is, as in being mult was moved there. Only a mod can do that. Why is DC getting over-moderated these days?
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08-22-2006, 02:21 PM	#9
DMAC MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $10008735	Would you wear one to the beach for a few hours if it meant the Chiefs win the Super Bowl? In other words, would you stick a doorknob up your ass so the can Chiefs win a Super Bowl?
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08-22-2006, 02:22 PM	#10
Robo-Chachi Veteran Join Date: Mar 2002 Casino cash: $10004925
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08-22-2006, 02:43 PM	#13
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-732449 VARSITY	This would bring a new meaning to the term "wardrobe gap". __________________ Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history.
Posts: 145,562