Why Americans Have Become Spoiled Brats: Blame Mr. Rogers

[Mr. Kotter]

Good read. And, from the perspective of a teacher who's been in the classroom 16 years now.....it's exactly on target, as far as I can see.


http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1183...ost_viewed_day

Blame It on Mr. Rogers: Why
Young Adults Feel So Entitled

July 5, 2007; Page B5

Don Chance, a finance professor at Louisiana State University, says it dawned on him last spring. The semester was ending, and as usual, students were making a pilgrimage to his office, asking for the extra points needed to lift their grades to A's.

"They felt so entitled," he recalls, "and it just hit me. We can blame Mr. Rogers."

Fred Rogers, the late TV icon, told several generations of children that they were "special" just for being whoever they were. He meant well, and he was a sterling role model in many ways. But what often got lost in his self-esteem-building patter was the idea that being special comes from working hard and having high expectations for yourself.

Now Mr. Rogers, like Dr. Spock before him, has been targeted for re-evaluation. And he's not the only one. As educators and researchers struggle to define the new parameters of parenting, circa 2007, some are revisiting the language of child ego-boosting. What are the downsides of telling kids they're special? Is it a mistake to have children call us by our first names? When we focus all conversations on our children's lives, are we denying them the insights found when adults talk about adult things?

Some are calling for a recalibration of the mind-sets and catch-phrases that have taken hold in recent decades. Among the expressions now being challenged:

"You're special." On the Yahoo Answers Web site, a discussion thread about Mr. Rogers begins with this posting: "Mr. Rogers spent years telling little creeps that he liked them just the way they were. He should have been telling them there was a lot of room for improvement. ... Nice as he was, and as good as his intentions may have been, he did a disservice."

Signs of narcissism among college students have been rising for 25 years, according to a recent study led by a San Diego State University psychologist. Obviously, Mr. Rogers alone can't be blamed for this. But as Prof. Chance sees it, "he's representative of a culture of excessive doting."

Prof. Chance teaches many Asian-born students, and says they accept whatever grade they're given; they see B's and C's as an indication that they must work harder, and that their elders assessed them accurately. They didn't grow up with Mr. Rogers or anyone else telling them they were born special.

By contrast, American students often view lower grades as a reason to "hit you up for an A because they came to class and feel they worked hard," says Prof. Chance. He wishes more parents would offer kids this perspective: "The world owes you nothing. You have to work and compete. If you want to be special, you'll have to prove it."

"They're just children." When kids are rude, self-absorbed or disrespectful, some parents allow or endure it by saying, "Well, they're just children." The phrase is a worthy one when it's applied to a teachable moment, such as telling kids not to stick their fingers in electrical sockets. But as an excuse or as justification for unacceptable behavior, "They're just children" is just misguided.


"Call me Cindy." Is it appropriate to place kids on the same level as adults, with all of us calling each other by our first names? On one hand, the familiarity can mark a loving closeness between child and adult. But on the other hand, when a child calls an adult Mr. or Ms., it helps him recognize that status is earned by age and experience. It's also a reminder to respect your elders.

"Tell me about your day." It is crucial to talk to kids about their lives, and that dialogue can enrich the whole family. However, parents also need to discuss their own lives and experiences, says Alvin Rosenfeld, a Manhattan-based child psychiatrist who studies family interactions.

In America today, life often begins with the anointing of "His Majesty, the Fetus," he says. From then on, many parents focus their conversations on their kids. Today's parents "are the best-educated generation ever," says Dr. Rosenfeld. "So why do our kids see us primarily discussing kids' schedules and activities?"

He encourages parents to talk about their passions and interests; about politics, business, world events. "Because everything is child-centered today, we're depriving children of adults," he says. "If they never see us as adults being adults, how will they deal with important matters when it is their world?"

Write to Jeffrey Zaslow at [email protected]3

[Mr. Kotter]

FTR, I think it started with the idiots of MY generation....friggin' hippies.

[DeezNutz]

Nice article, Mr. Kotter. Thanks for posting this. I also found this argument to make a lot of sense.

Please note the respectful address, though I know you're way below my level.

[Mr. Kotter]

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

Nice article, Mr. Kotter. Thanks for posting this. I also found this argument to make a lot of sense.

Please note the respectful address, though I know you're way below my level.

Dat burn, smart aleck!

[keg in kc]

Probably more apropos to blame the 80's and the general so-called "conservative"-based econo-cultural changes that took place. There's a whole generation of "me first"ers who grew up in that era are now raising (or at least shipping off to daycare...) their own kids. I'm one of them. We're as emotionally castrated as our progenitors, and we've been taught essentially from birth that the point of life is to make money, because "the one with the most toys wins" and things like basic humanity and compassion are weaknesses that should be left by the wayside.

As for Mr. Rogers, or Sesame Street, or that purple dino-dildo, whatever their impact, the ones responsible for it are ultimately those who plopped their kids down in front of them and let the messages get through.

[Mr. Kotter]

Originally Posted by keg in kc

Probably more apropos to blame the 80's and the general so-called "conservative"-based econo-cultural changes that took place. There's a whole generation of "me first"ers who grew up in that era are now raising (or at least shipping off to daycare...) their own kids. I'm one of them. We're as emotionally castrated as our progenitors, and we've been taught essentially from birth that the point of life is to make money, because "the one with the most toys wins" and things like basic humanity and compassion are weaknesses that should be left by the wayside.

If that's the only message you got from the 80s, you had a messed up childhood. It started, and was much worse IMO, in the 60s and 70s.

[keg in kc]

Originally Posted by Mr. Kotter

If that's the only message you got from the 80s, you had a messed up childhood. It started, and was much worse IMO, in the 60s and 70s.

I wasn't alive in the 60's and 70's (well, okay, I was "alive" but not as it pertains to the discussion), so I have no basis of comparison. But it would be reasonable to expect that the 80's were a product of the 60's and 70's. That's how the world works, after all.

And that wasn't the message *I* got from the 80's. My parents did a better job than that (not that I don't have my own share of issues, particularly the emotional castration...). That is, however, the message I think most of society got. And I think it's only getting progressively worse, in the terms I established. Particularly the concept of absentee parenting.

[trndobrd]

Apparently FAX is the only one around here that had proper upbringing.

[keg in kc]

Originally Posted by trndobrd

Apparently FAX is the only one around here that had proper upbringing.

He didn't watch Mr. Rogers.

[Mr. Kotter]

Originally Posted by keg in kc

I wasn't alive in the 60's and 70's (well, okay, I was "alive" but not as it pertains to the discussion), so I have no basis of comparison. But it would be reasonable to expect that the 80's were a product of the 60's and 70's. That's how the world works, after all.

And that wasn't the message *I* got from the 80's. My parents did a better job than that (not that I don't have my own share of issues, particularly the emotional castration...). That is, however, the message I think most of society got. And I think it's only getting progressively worse, in the terms I established. Particularly the concept of absentee parenting.

I understand, that popular culture and the media elite....attempt to portray the 80s in that way. And, I would agree to a point. However, there was a "backlash" of sorts....that lasted from the late 70s to the early 90s, which TRIED to get society back on track. While the S & L debacle, the junk bond scandals, and the who yuppie culture were part of the 80s, there were MUCH LESS a part of the 80s, than the Counter-Culture was a part of the 60s. And to me, the whole "me-me-me" and "self-esteem" issues were, at least to some extent, ostracized by the more "conservative" 80s.

However, the parents of kids....from the mid-90s to today.....largely, "came of age" during the 60s and 70s. While they can rightly claim partial credit for the civil rights and feminists gains of the day, I think they also deserve some significant "blame" for the narcissism of society, at large (but which is seemingly being instilled in the youth of today) that seems increasingly present.

My point is....things started to get better for awhile, but we've since slipped back into the 60s-70s mindset.

I guess this view, according to some.....makes me an "old fogey." But it's one that, in my experiences, does seem to ring true.

[HemiEd]

Here is a little thing on Mr. Rogers, RIP!

Mr. Rogers was a U.S. Navy Seal,

combat-proven in Vietnam with over twenty-five

confirmed kills to his name. He wore a

long-sleeved sweater on TV, to cover the many

tattoos on his forearm and biceps. He was a master

in small arms and hand-to-hand combat, able to

disarm or kill in a heartbeat

After the war Mr. Rogers became an ordained

Presbyterian minister and therefore a pacifist.

Vowing to never harm another human and also

dedicating the rest of his life to trying to help

lead children on the right path in life. He hid away

the tattoos and his past life and won our hearts

with his quiet wit and charm.

[Amnorix]

[Amnorix]

Originally Posted by HemiEd

Here is a little thing on Mr. Rogers, RIP!

Snopes is your friend:

• Fred Rogers served as a sniper or as a Navy Seal during the Vietnam War, with a large number of confirmed kills to his credit.

This same rumor has often been applied to boyish country singer-songwriter John Denver (among others), and it's just as false when told of Fred Rogers. Not only did Fred Rogers never serve in the military, there are no gaps in his career when he could conceivably have served in the military — he went straight into college after high school, he moved directly into TV work after graduating college, and his breaks from television work were devoted to attending the Pittsburgh Theological Seminary (he was ordained as a Presbyterian minister in 1963) and the University of Pittsburgh's Graduate School of Child Development. Moreover, Fred Rogers was born in 1928 and was therefore too old to have enlisted in the armed services by the time of America's military involvement in Vietnam.

• Fred Rogers always wore long-sleeved shirts and sweaters on his show to conceal the tattoos on his arms he obtained while serving in the military.

As noted above, Fred Rogers never served in the military, and he bore no tattoos on his arms (or any other part of his body). He wore long-sleeved shirts and sweaters on his show to maintain an air of formality — although he was friendly with the children in his viewing audience and talked to them on their own level, he was most definitely an authority figure on a par with parents and teachers (he was Mister Rogers to them, after all, not Fred), and his choice of dress was intended to establish and foster that relationship.

http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/mrrogers.asp

[Simplex3]

In America today, life often begins with the anointing of "His Majesty, the Fetus," he says.

My kids can only dream of this type of existence.

[Mr. Kotter]

Originally Posted by Simplex3

My kids can only dream of this type of existence.

Heh. Me too.

Except there are times when I think I'm way too nice to my kids. Hopefully, I'm finding a reasonable middle ground. All I know is they hear plenty about the importance of goals, hardwork, and not expecting things to be handed to them.....about EARNING their self-esteem. OTOH, I don't want to be a nagging Nazi about it. So it's a balancing act to be sure.