News GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!

**gblowfish** · 05-14-2010, 08:30 AM

Or I'll kill you.

Man is accused of shooting neighbor over dog's accident

By Steve Schmadeke and Lolly Bowean
CHICAGO TRIBUNE
05/11/2010

CHICAGO -- A retired former Marine who neighbors say obsessed over his lawn is being held on $3 million bond, accused of gunning down a neighbor whose puppy allegedly urinated on the man's well-manicured grass.

Charles J. Clements, 69, of University Park routinely wins the Chicago suburb's beautification and lawn upkeep award but is also known for threatening children or adults who dare set foot in his yard, neighbors said.

On Sunday night, Joshua Funches, a 23-year-old father of two, was walking his fox terrier Gucci when the dog lifted its leg and urinated on Clements' lawn, said Funches' mother, Patricia, 53.

The two men began arguing and at some point, Clements, a retired bus driver, pulled out a pistol and pointed it at Funches, said Will County assistant state's attorney Sondra Denmark.

Witnesses said Funches then said to Clements, "Next time you pull out a pistol, why don't you use it?" Denmark said. At that point, witnesses said they saw orange and white light and heard a loud noise. They saw Funches fall to the ground.

"It was all over a little wooden plaque," said an emotional Patricia Funches, referring to the town's beautification award. "It was a senseless death. How can you take a life for a piece of wood?"

Clements then walked home and changed his clothes. When University Park police arrived, they found the master landscaper in his garage with the door open.

"I knew you were coming for me," he told police, according to Denmark. "That's why I changed my clothes. I knew you were coming for me."

Neighbors were shocked that such deadly violence could have stemmed from a minor fight.

"It hurt me pretty bad, to see a person killed over something so petty," said Joanne Byers, who lives across the street from where Funches died.

Funches had two children, ages 1 and 4, with another due to be born in August, his mother said.

Byers said her own son had a run-in with Clements, once accidentally stepping on the man's grass while walking and chatting on his cell phone.

"Man, he popped out and called, 'Hey watch it _ watch it!' " said Byers.

Judge Marzell Richardson ordered Clements, who has no criminal history, held in lieu of $3 million bond Tuesday on first and second-degree murder charges. He noted that Clements allegedly told his victim he would be found innocent if arrested.

**Bwana** · 05-14-2010, 08:32 AM

Heh, I think we may have just found Skip!

Pants · 05-14-2010, 08:34 AM

When an angered crazy old man pulls a gun on you, it's probably not the best idea to tell him to use it. Still, the old man is clearly ****ing insane to take a life over a stupid argument (no matter how important that lawn is to him).

**Bugeater** · 05-14-2010, 08:34 AM

This shouldn't be a crime at all.

**Bwana** · 05-14-2010, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gblowfish

Witnesses said Funches then said to Clements, "Next time you pull out a pistol, why don't you use it?"

Sometimes it pays just to stfu.

**gblowfish** · 05-14-2010, 08:35 AM

Good thing the dog didn't crap on his grass. He woulda taken out the guy's whole family.

**Buck** · 05-14-2010, 08:35 AM

What a pointless reason to die.

**Bugeater** · 05-14-2010, 08:37 AM

In all seriousness, there is a significant lack of respect for other people's property by many pet owners. Someone in my neighborhood walks their big-ass dog really early in the morning and I occasionally find their monster turds when I'm mowing. I swear to god when I find out who it is the next turd will be returned to them on their doorstep.

Sofa King · 05-14-2010, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bugeater

In all seriousness, there is a significant lack of respect for other people's property by many pet owners. Someone in my neighborhood walks their big-ass dog really early in the morning and I occasionally find their monster turds when I'm mowing. I swear to god when I find out who it is the next turd will be returned to them on their doorstep.

Some jackass in our town is walking his giant ass dog through our baseball field...

I can't wait to dive for a ball in left, and come up covered in dog crap.......

Might have to set some trail cams out, see who is doing it...

**Bwana** · 05-14-2010, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bugeater

In all seriousness, there is a significant lack of respect for other people's property by many pet owners. Someone in my neighborhood walks their big-ass dog really early in the morning and I occasionally find their monster turds when I'm mowing. I swear to god when I find out who it is the next turd will be returned to them on their doorstep.

I had this happen this winter. This douche would walk his dog every morning about 5:30am and let his dog crap in my front yard. I caught him in the act one day and opened the door and raised hell with him.

About a month later, I caught him again. This time, I went out with a shovel, gathered up the dog log, walked over to his house and unloaded it on his front steps. I have not had another problem with the guy.

**Bwana** · 05-14-2010, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gblowfish

Good thing the dog didn't crap on his grass. He woulda taken out the guy's whole family.

**Rain Man** · 05-14-2010, 08:58 AM

that poor dog is going to feel guilty for the rest of his life.
Posted via Mobile Device

Cannibal · 05-14-2010, 09:02 AM

What a ****in psycho. At least for him he's 69 years old so he's lived the majority of his life and he'll probably only spend maybe 10 years in prison until he dies of natural causes (unless he's shanked in the shower sooner than that). Ironically, he'll never get to see or manicure his beautiful lawn again though.

Cannibal · 05-14-2010, 09:04 AM

Watch, he'll probably mop and shine the area outside his sell and keep it spotless. Then some crazy huge freak will accidentally spill a beverage on it. It'll be on and the old dude will get shanked.

Brock · 05-14-2010, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Witnesses said Funches then said to Clements, "Next time you pull out a pistol, why don't you use it?"

That was a seriously bad idea.

05-14-2010, 08:30 AM
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $16886178 VARSITY	GET OFF MY LAWN!!!! Or I'll kill you. Man is accused of shooting neighbor over dog's accident By Steve Schmadeke and Lolly Bowean CHICAGO TRIBUNE 05/11/2010 CHICAGO -- A retired former Marine who neighbors say obsessed over his lawn is being held on $3 million bond, accused of gunning down a neighbor whose puppy allegedly urinated on the man's well-manicured grass. Charles J. Clements, 69, of University Park routinely wins the Chicago suburb's beautification and lawn upkeep award but is also known for threatening children or adults who dare set foot in his yard, neighbors said. On Sunday night, Joshua Funches, a 23-year-old father of two, was walking his fox terrier Gucci when the dog lifted its leg and urinated on Clements' lawn, said Funches' mother, Patricia, 53. The two men began arguing and at some point, Clements, a retired bus driver, pulled out a pistol and pointed it at Funches, said Will County assistant state's attorney Sondra Denmark. Witnesses said Funches then said to Clements, "Next time you pull out a pistol, why don't you use it?" Denmark said. At that point, witnesses said they saw orange and white light and heard a loud noise. They saw Funches fall to the ground. "It was all over a little wooden plaque," said an emotional Patricia Funches, referring to the town's beautification award. "It was a senseless death. How can you take a life for a piece of wood?" Clements then walked home and changed his clothes. When University Park police arrived, they found the master landscaper in his garage with the door open. "I knew you were coming for me," he told police, according to Denmark. "That's why I changed my clothes. I knew you were coming for me." Neighbors were shocked that such deadly violence could have stemmed from a minor fight. "It hurt me pretty bad, to see a person killed over something so petty," said Joanne Byers, who lives across the street from where Funches died. Funches had two children, ages 1 and 4, with another due to be born in August, his mother said. Byers said her own son had a run-in with Clements, once accidentally stepping on the man's grass while walking and chatting on his cell phone. "Man, he popped out and called, 'Hey watch it _ watch it!' " said Byers. Judge Marzell Richardson ordered Clements, who has no criminal history, held in lieu of $3 million bond Tuesday on first and second-degree murder charges. He noted that Clements allegedly told his victim he would be found innocent if arrested.
Posts: 41,016

05-14-2010, 08:32 AM	#2
Bwana It's Five O'Clock Somewhere Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Billings, Montana Casino cash: $2135820532	Heh, I think we may have just found Skip!
Posts: 70,496

05-14-2010, 08:34 AM	#3
Pants Time Keeps On Slipping Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Overland Park Casino cash: $3519900	When an angered crazy old man pulls a gun on you, it's probably not the best idea to tell him to use it. Still, the old man is clearly ****ing insane to take a life over a stupid argument (no matter how important that lawn is to him). __________________ "Turn the channel to 26!"
Posts: 27,417

05-14-2010, 08:34 AM	#4
Bugeater The Maintenance Guy Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Renovated Bugeater Estate Casino cash: $3992680	This shouldn't be a crime at all.
Posts: 70,546

05-14-2010, 08:35 AM	#6
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $16886178 VARSITY	Good thing the dog didn't crap on his grass. He woulda taken out the guy's whole family.
Posts: 41,016

05-14-2010, 08:35 AM	#7
Buck Take a Chill Pill Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: South Carolina Casino cash: $5980295	What a pointless reason to die.
Posts: 44,607

05-14-2010, 08:37 AM	#8
Bugeater The Maintenance Guy Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Renovated Bugeater Estate Casino cash: $3992680	In all seriousness, there is a significant lack of respect for other people's property by many pet owners. Someone in my neighborhood walks their big-ass dog really early in the morning and I occasionally find their monster turds when I'm mowing. I swear to god when I find out who it is the next turd will be returned to them on their doorstep.
Posts: 70,546

05-14-2010, 08:58 AM	#12
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-692449 VARSITY	that poor dog is going to feel guilty for the rest of his life. Posted via Mobile Device
Posts: 145,520

05-14-2010, 09:02 AM	#13
Cannibal Better to burn out... Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Bible Thumping Country Casino cash: $10010618	What a ****in psycho. At least for him he's 69 years old so he's lived the majority of his life and he'll probably only spend maybe 10 years in prison until he dies of natural causes (unless he's shanked in the shower sooner than that). Ironically, he'll never get to see or manicure his beautiful lawn again though.
Posts: 9,306

05-14-2010, 09:04 AM	#14
Cannibal Better to burn out... Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Bible Thumping Country Casino cash: $10010618	Watch, he'll probably mop and shine the area outside his sell and keep it spotless. Then some crazy huge freak will accidentally spill a beverage on it. It'll be on and the old dude will get shanked.
Posts: 9,306