Misc Generic Stormtroopers BS thread

blaise · 07-31-2010, 10:03 AM

Woke up today. Death Star cafeteria serving scrambled eggs and French toast. #24656 said to me, "I really like the French Toast, do you?" We're ****ing clones of each other, what the hell does he think?

Was told today that I'm being assigned to Dagoba. This is the third time I've been transferred. I started in payroll, totally sucked. Sitting at a cubicle in Stormtrooper gear is a nightmare, especially since the A/C in the Death Star is breaking all the time. Thankfully they outsourced payroll to the Jawas. From there they sent me to the custodial staff. Cleaning toilets for 10,000 Stormtroopers on the Death Star sucks. You know why? They all need to piss and shit at exactly the same time. The toilets back up all the time and you've got Stormtrooper shit and piss flooding all over the floor. I've put it in the suggestion box a million times, "When you create new batches of Troopers can you stagger the start times, so their bowel movements don't happen simultaneously?" I know the Emperor saw it because I saw him squinting his ugly ass face over my note one day. Then he said, "Who the **** is questioning the Emperor? Who ****ing wrote this? Where's Vader? Where's Vader?" He wanted Vader to read a bunch of minds to find out who did it, but Vader was off doing something gay. Good thing the Emporer is too lazy of an ass to do it himself. Thank God they hired the Sand People to clean the toilets as part of the Sand People Diversity Program. Filthy ****ing Sandpeople. They shit their own pants half the time and they're supposed to clean our toilets?

Banged some prostitute on Dagoba last night. She stole all my credits. Now I can't buy Chapstick.

At the morning rally they showed a video about corporate theft. Apparently someone's been stealing soap from the bathrooms. Maybe if they gave us more soap we would stink like Wookie cab drivers. Assholes.

#456766 told me that Jabba the Hutt paid him 7,000 credits for a hummer. I just didn't know what to say to that.

In the Stormtrooper Basketball league our team tied team #56 85-85. I don't really get the point. Every team ties every game.

Ran into some guy at a bar, said his name was Captain Kirk of the USS Enterprise? Never heard of it. He was freaking hammered, talking abojut worm holes or some shit. What a pimp though. Dude left with two chicks and didn't even pay his tab. He was just standing there with these two bitches on his arm and goes, "Beam me up" and then all three of them just disappear into thin air. Wild man. The bartender was pissed. He started yelling and screaming and so I just shot him. What are they gonna do, arrest me? I'm with the ****ing Empire. Man, I bet that Kirk guy is cool to hang with. Not like Vader, that pillowbiter.

|Zach| · 07-31-2010, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blaise

Woke up today. Death Star cafeteria serving scrambled eggs and French toast. #24656 said to me, "I really like the French Toast, do you?" We're ****ing clones of each other, what the hell does he think?

Nice.

**Baby Lee** · 07-31-2010, 10:26 AM

07-31-2010, 10:03 AM
blaise In Search of a Life Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Plano, TX Casino cash: $9989900	Generic Stormtroopers BS thread Woke up today. Death Star cafeteria serving scrambled eggs and French toast. #24656 said to me, "I really like the French Toast, do you?" We're **ing clones of each other, what the hell does he think? Was told today that I'm being assigned to Dagoba. This is the third time I've been transferred. I started in payroll, totally sucked. Sitting at a cubicle in Stormtrooper gear is a nightmare, especially since the A/C in the Death Star is breaking all the time. Thankfully they outsourced payroll to the Jawas. From there they sent me to the custodial staff. Cleaning toilets for 10,000 Stormtroopers on the Death Star sucks. You know why? They all need to piss and shit at exactly the same time. The toilets back up all the time and you've got Stormtrooper shit and piss flooding all over the floor. I've put it in the suggestion box a million times, "When you create new batches of Troopers can you stagger the start times, so their bowel movements don't happen simultaneously?" I know the Emperor saw it because I saw him squinting his ugly ass face over my note one day. Then he said, "Who the is questioning the Emperor? Who ing wrote this? Where's Vader? Where's Vader?" He wanted Vader to read a bunch of minds to find out who did it, but Vader was off doing something gay. Good thing the Emporer is too lazy of an ass to do it himself. Thank God they hired the Sand People to clean the toilets as part of the Sand People Diversity Program. Filthy ing Sandpeople. They shit their own pants half the time and they're supposed to clean our toilets? Banged some prostitute on Dagoba last night. She stole all my credits. Now I can't buy Chapstick. At the morning rally they showed a video about corporate theft. Apparently someone's been stealing soap from the bathrooms. Maybe if they gave us more soap we would stink like Wookie cab drivers. Assholes. #456766 told me that Jabba the Hutt paid him 7,000 credits for a hummer. I just didn't know what to say to that. In the Stormtrooper Basketball league our team tied team #56 85-85. I don't really get the point. Every team ties every game. Ran into some guy at a bar, said his name was Captain Kirk of the USS Enterprise? Never heard of it. He was freaking hammered, talking abojut worm holes or some shit. What a pimp though. Dude left with two chicks and didn't even pay his tab. He was just standing there with these two bitches on his arm and goes, "Beam me up" and then all three of them just disappear into thin air. Wild man. The bartender was pissed. He started yelling and screaming and so I just shot him. What are they gonna do, arrest me? I'm with the **ing Empire. Man, I bet that Kirk guy is cool to hang with. Not like Vader, that pillowbiter.
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07-31-2010, 10:26 AM	#3
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