The last moments of Rain Man

**Rain Man** · 02-15-2004, 03:43 PM

I had to offer up a condensed version in the main flight writeup, but for those of you who want more detail, here's an eyewitness account.

"Rain Man hit the water seamlessly, sliding between the waves like a razor blade through meringue. Concerned about his men, he had chosen not to open his parachute so he could reach the sea faster and be ready to help anyone who needed it.

As he hit, he let the water engulf him and slow his great speed, until he achieved neutral buoyancy 75 feet feet below the surface. With powerful strokes, he swam back to the surface, and scouted the situation.

The English Channel was stormy that day, with 20 and 30 foot waves crashing over anything that found itself in their path. Buffeted by their powerful forces, Rain Man battled nature while he scanned the sky for parachutes.

There they were! Spread over a several-mile range, nine other parachutes floated down to the rough seas. One item, plummeting much faster, was also recognizable: the B-17's life rafts. Rain Man had scavenged them from the bomb bay and handed them out to the crew just before he jumped.

He swam to where the rafts landed, and retrieved the floating packages. With no pump handly, he blew up the 4 three-person rafts using just his lungpower. He towed them to the nearest parachutes almost a quarter-mile away, and pushed his engineer and bombardier aboard. "Stay here," he ordered them. "I'll find the others."

He swam in ever larger circles around the rafts, seeking his fellow crew members. One mile out, he located his copilot, navigator, and radio operator, all already drowned. One at a time, he dragged each body back to the boat, using the transit time to compose letters to their families on a notebook that he held out of the water.

Beginning the search pattern again, he located his tail gunner, ball turret gunner, and right waist gunner, all dead amidst the waves that no normal human could withstand. Again, he towed each body back to the boat, composing letters along the way. Noting that his tail gunner had not polished his boots before takeoff, Rain Man took care of that detail as well. After all, a man can't have dirty boots at his own funeral.

Only the left waist gunner was still missing. Rain Man swam further, leaving the English Channel and entering the North Sea. He knew the directions of the currents well, and followed the most likely path that a body could take.

An Fw190 appeared on the horizon! Recognizing his duty to country, Rain Man pulled his service revolver out of his flight jacket, carefully aimed, and -

Nothing! The weapon and bullets were soaked and useless!

Well, almost useless. Rain Man waved at the fighter plane to draw its attention, then dove underwater as the plane circled to strafe him. Bullets struck the water in all directions. Calculating the speed of the bullets from their underwater trajectories, and familiar with the technical attributes of the Fw190, Rain Man calculated the expected speed of the plane toward his position. At just the right moment, he surfaced.

The Fw190 was only a hundred feet above the water, coming in at 200 miles per hour. Rain Man burst from the water and threw the pistol into the air. With a crunching sound it collided with the propeller of the plane, destroying it and causing the plane to impact the water just fifty feet beyond where Rain Man dog paddled. The plane bounced and skipped, coming to rest a quarter-mile away.

By the time Rain Man reached the downed plane, the pilot had already lumbered out onto the wing. He was one of Hitler's greatest creations, seven feet and 350 pounds of solid Nazi muscle. He had a bazooka with him, and a machine gun, and he let loose with both. Rain Man dove, dodged, and all the while swam forward. Grasping the wing of the floating plane, he flipped himself onto its surface, then disarmed the giant Nazi with two well-placed judo chops. With the third, the Nazi fell overboard, slowly sinking to Davy Jones' locker with four snapped neck vertebrae.

Retrieving the body, Rain Man stowed it in the back of the plane, then wrote a quick letter to the man's parents in high German, citing that the man had died a brave death even if he died as an enemy. Unable to resist, Rain Man added a short but well-conceived treatise about the fundamental flaws of Nazism, and why it was untenable in the long run.

Working quickly, Rain Man harvested extra grease from the landing gear system and used it to make the plane watertight. He reconfigured the engine and replaced the propeller with a piece of driftwood, creating a rough but usable motorboat in the process. The makeshift boat was capable of 25 knots, increasing to 27 after a quick tuneup.

Heading back out to sea, Rain Man located the left waist gunner's body, motored it back to the lifeboats, and pinned the letter home to his body. Knowing that the left waist gunner had Norwegian roots, he left both English and Norwegian copies, along with a Latin version that could easily be translated into any Romance language.

He gave the plane/motorboat to his comrades, and set out swimming again, this time toward France. The last he had seen of Gunther's Thunder II, it was heading south with a payload of bombs. He had orders to bomb Meaulte, and that meant finding those bombs and delivering them to their target, even if it meant carrying them one by one from the crash site...

Sadly, at that point, some French woman dropped her toaster into the water on the French coast. Not even Rain Man could survive that."

And that, my friends, is how we lost Rain Man, the pilot of Gunther's Thunder II.

Hydrae · 02-15-2004, 03:49 PM

Way to get your work done!

Talisman · 02-15-2004, 03:58 PM

Dude, that was hilarious. Taliswoman and I enjoyed your extended commentary. I have to admit I was wondering what happened to you. I knew there was more to the story than "blinded and choking from smoke, he stands no chance in the water and drowns immediately."

It was good of you not to show up everyone else in the mission summary with the actual story of your amazing bravery.

You were a great pilot, but now you're going to have to practice up on your shooting skills. All the other planes had much more fortunate missions than yours, and there weren't many casualties. So enjoy your new assignment as a Left Waist Gunner.

Zebedee DuBois · 02-15-2004, 04:06 PM

I don't know why, but this reminds me of a movie they had us watch in High School.

It took place during the Civil War, and a soldier was to be executed by hanging from a railroad bridge. He is marched to the bridge, a noose placed around his neck, and he stands on a plank extended from the bridge, over the creek bed. The executioner steps off the other end of the plank allowing our soldier to fall. Somehow the rope fails and he falls to the creek bed. He eludes the enemy soldiers trying to recapture him and firing their guns at him. He eventually makes it to the home of his true love. She sees him and comes to him. Just as they reach each others arms.... the noose snaps the man's neck. It was all a dream occuring from the moment the executioner stepped off the plank to the moment the soldier came to the end of his rope.

Or.....

It coulda happened the way you said.

MrBlond · 02-15-2004, 04:07 PM

(chris farley voice)

That was ...AWESOME...oh, except that dying part. I'm sorry, man. That sucks.

(/chris farley voice)

PastorMikH · 02-15-2004, 04:17 PM

STINKIN' FRENCH!!!

I'll bet that toaster was made in Germany too!

**cdcox** · 02-16-2004, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zebedee DuBois

I don't know why, but this reminds me of a movie they had us watch in High School.

It took place during the Civil War, and a soldier was to be executed by hanging from a railroad bridge. He is marched to the bridge, a noose placed around his neck, and he stands on a plank extended from the bridge, over the creek bed. The executioner steps off the other end of the plank allowing our soldier to fall. Somehow the rope fails and he falls to the creek bed. He eludes the enemy soldiers trying to recapture him and firing their guns at him. He eventually makes it to the home of his true love. She sees him and comes to him. Just as they reach each others arms.... the noose snaps the man's neck. It was all a dream occuring from the moment the executioner stepped off the plank to the moment the soldier came to the end of his rope.

Or.....

It coulda happened the way you said.

An Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge, and I was thinking the same thing.

keg in kc · 02-16-2004, 12:40 PM

The last moments of Rain Man:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Splash.

Gurgle.

Silence.

Zebedee DuBois · 02-16-2004, 05:18 PM

I don't know.....

Somehow, I think it was more of a "ker-plunk" than a "splash".

**Rain Man** · 02-16-2004, 06:25 PM

Are you guys questioning my story? Who was there? Me? Or you?

PastorMikH · 02-16-2004, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Are you guys questioning my story? Who was there? Me? Or you?

Actually, I believe the french dame with her toaster was there. BTW, upon futher review of your many letters to the numerous women you were engaged to, one has to wonder if the french woman with the wet toaster in question may be another sweetheart that perhaps found out about the others???

BTW, I attended your funeral. It was a real mess when 4 women that had been drapped over your coffin with tears streaming all over the place figured out that they were all engaged to you. You missed quite a cat fight!

Zebedee DuBois · 02-16-2004, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Are you guys questioning my story? Who was there? Me? Or you?

Yeah... you were there.

...and over there......

...and over there....

...and I think that blob over there might be you, too.

**Rain Man** · 02-17-2004, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PastorMikH

You missed quite a cat fight!

Heck. I always miss the good catfights.

KCWolfman · 02-19-2004, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdcox

An Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge, and I was thinking the same thing.

By Ambrose Bierce.

He was an odd duck and disappeared one day never to be found.

I think he took up residence creating polls on bulletin boards.

KCWolfman · 02-19-2004, 08:58 PM

Can I have the package your mom sent? Since you won't be needing it, I sure could use the cookies.

02-15-2004, 03:43 PM
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-672449 VARSITY	The last moments of Rain Man I had to offer up a condensed version in the main flight writeup, but for those of you who want more detail, here's an eyewitness account. "Rain Man hit the water seamlessly, sliding between the waves like a razor blade through meringue. Concerned about his men, he had chosen not to open his parachute so he could reach the sea faster and be ready to help anyone who needed it. As he hit, he let the water engulf him and slow his great speed, until he achieved neutral buoyancy 75 feet feet below the surface. With powerful strokes, he swam back to the surface, and scouted the situation. The English Channel was stormy that day, with 20 and 30 foot waves crashing over anything that found itself in their path. Buffeted by their powerful forces, Rain Man battled nature while he scanned the sky for parachutes. There they were! Spread over a several-mile range, nine other parachutes floated down to the rough seas. One item, plummeting much faster, was also recognizable: the B-17's life rafts. Rain Man had scavenged them from the bomb bay and handed them out to the crew just before he jumped. He swam to where the rafts landed, and retrieved the floating packages. With no pump handly, he blew up the 4 three-person rafts using just his lungpower. He towed them to the nearest parachutes almost a quarter-mile away, and pushed his engineer and bombardier aboard. "Stay here," he ordered them. "I'll find the others." He swam in ever larger circles around the rafts, seeking his fellow crew members. One mile out, he located his copilot, navigator, and radio operator, all already drowned. One at a time, he dragged each body back to the boat, using the transit time to compose letters to their families on a notebook that he held out of the water. Beginning the search pattern again, he located his tail gunner, ball turret gunner, and right waist gunner, all dead amidst the waves that no normal human could withstand. Again, he towed each body back to the boat, composing letters along the way. Noting that his tail gunner had not polished his boots before takeoff, Rain Man took care of that detail as well. After all, a man can't have dirty boots at his own funeral. Only the left waist gunner was still missing. Rain Man swam further, leaving the English Channel and entering the North Sea. He knew the directions of the currents well, and followed the most likely path that a body could take. An Fw190 appeared on the horizon! Recognizing his duty to country, Rain Man pulled his service revolver out of his flight jacket, carefully aimed, and - Nothing! The weapon and bullets were soaked and useless! Well, almost useless. Rain Man waved at the fighter plane to draw its attention, then dove underwater as the plane circled to strafe him. Bullets struck the water in all directions. Calculating the speed of the bullets from their underwater trajectories, and familiar with the technical attributes of the Fw190, Rain Man calculated the expected speed of the plane toward his position. At just the right moment, he surfaced. The Fw190 was only a hundred feet above the water, coming in at 200 miles per hour. Rain Man burst from the water and threw the pistol into the air. With a crunching sound it collided with the propeller of the plane, destroying it and causing the plane to impact the water just fifty feet beyond where Rain Man dog paddled. The plane bounced and skipped, coming to rest a quarter-mile away. By the time Rain Man reached the downed plane, the pilot had already lumbered out onto the wing. He was one of Hitler's greatest creations, seven feet and 350 pounds of solid Nazi muscle. He had a bazooka with him, and a machine gun, and he let loose with both. Rain Man dove, dodged, and all the while swam forward. Grasping the wing of the floating plane, he flipped himself onto its surface, then disarmed the giant Nazi with two well-placed judo chops. With the third, the Nazi fell overboard, slowly sinking to Davy Jones' locker with four snapped neck vertebrae. Retrieving the body, Rain Man stowed it in the back of the plane, then wrote a quick letter to the man's parents in high German, citing that the man had died a brave death even if he died as an enemy. Unable to resist, Rain Man added a short but well-conceived treatise about the fundamental flaws of Nazism, and why it was untenable in the long run. Working quickly, Rain Man harvested extra grease from the landing gear system and used it to make the plane watertight. He reconfigured the engine and replaced the propeller with a piece of driftwood, creating a rough but usable motorboat in the process. The makeshift boat was capable of 25 knots, increasing to 27 after a quick tuneup. Heading back out to sea, Rain Man located the left waist gunner's body, motored it back to the lifeboats, and pinned the letter home to his body. Knowing that the left waist gunner had Norwegian roots, he left both English and Norwegian copies, along with a Latin version that could easily be translated into any Romance language. He gave the plane/motorboat to his comrades, and set out swimming again, this time toward France. The last he had seen of Gunther's Thunder II, it was heading south with a payload of bombs. He had orders to bomb Meaulte, and that meant finding those bombs and delivering them to their target, even if it meant carrying them one by one from the crash site... Sadly, at that point, some French woman dropped her toaster into the water on the French coast. Not even Rain Man could survive that." And that, my friends, is how we lost Rain Man, the pilot of Gunther's Thunder II.
Posts: 145,499

02-15-2004, 03:49 PM	#2
Hydrae MVP Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Newport, Or Casino cash: $-1163000	Way to get your work done! __________________ My 2024 Adopt-A-Chief: Rashee Rice
Posts: 14,858

02-15-2004, 03:58 PM	#3
Talisman Champions Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Des Moines, IA Casino cash: $286743	Dude, that was hilarious. Taliswoman and I enjoyed your extended commentary. I have to admit I was wondering what happened to you. I knew there was more to the story than "blinded and choking from smoke, he stands no chance in the water and drowns immediately." It was good of you not to show up everyone else in the mission summary with the actual story of your amazing bravery. You were a great pilot, but now you're going to have to practice up on your shooting skills. All the other planes had much more fortunate missions than yours, and there weren't many casualties. So enjoy your new assignment as a Left Waist Gunner.
Posts: 6,844

02-15-2004, 04:06 PM	#4
Zebedee DuBois Veteran Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: floating in a tin can Casino cash: $-1844801	I don't know why, but this reminds me of a movie they had us watch in High School. It took place during the Civil War, and a soldier was to be executed by hanging from a railroad bridge. He is marched to the bridge, a noose placed around his neck, and he stands on a plank extended from the bridge, over the creek bed. The executioner steps off the other end of the plank allowing our soldier to fall. Somehow the rope fails and he falls to the creek bed. He eludes the enemy soldiers trying to recapture him and firing their guns at him. He eventually makes it to the home of his true love. She sees him and comes to him. Just as they reach each others arms.... the noose snaps the man's neck. It was all a dream occuring from the moment the executioner stepped off the plank to the moment the soldier came to the end of his rope. Or..... It coulda happened the way you said. __________________ What am I even doing here?
Posts: 3,935

02-15-2004, 04:07 PM	#5
MrBlond Lets Rock. Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: South of the border. Casino cash: $10004900	(chris farley voice) That was ...AWESOME...oh, except that dying part. I'm sorry, man. That sucks. (/chris farley voice) __________________ "I can handle things, I'm smart, not like everybody says, like dumb, I'm smart, and I want respect!"
Posts: 12,747

02-15-2004, 04:17 PM	#6
PastorMikH Will KC ever be better? Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Land of Red Dirt & Necks Casino cash: $9905087	STINKIN' FRENCH!!! I'll bet that toaster was made in Germany too! __________________
Posts: 20,454

02-16-2004, 12:40 PM	#8
keg in kc oxymoron Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: OP/KC/Whatever Casino cash: $9556299	The last moments of Rain Man: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Splash. Gurgle. Silence.
Posts: 58,682

02-16-2004, 05:18 PM	#9
Zebedee DuBois Veteran Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: floating in a tin can Casino cash: $-1844801	I don't know..... Somehow, I think it was more of a "ker-plunk" than a "splash". __________________ What am I even doing here?
Posts: 3,935

02-16-2004, 06:25 PM	#10
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-672449 VARSITY	Are you guys questioning my story? Who was there? Me? Or you? __________________ Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history.
Posts: 145,499

02-19-2004, 08:58 PM	#15
KCWolfman Fall down 7 times, get up 8 Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $10004900	Can I have the package your mom sent? Since you won't be needing it, I sure could use the cookies.
Posts: 15,474