Annual Darwin Awards.....

[talastan]

I know in the vastness of ChiefsPlanet posts this might already exist so sorry if it is a repost......Just thought we needed a laugh today!!

ANNUAL DARWIN AWARDS

Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us, including those who removed themselves from the gene pool for the sake of all humanity.

Here is the glorious Winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel, and tried the trigger again! This time it worked.

And now, the Honourable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine, and he also lost a finger.

The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.

He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.

The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window.

The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of plexiglass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's the lady I stole the purse from. "

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 am, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.

The man, frustrated, walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. The police spokesman said the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.

The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind, please share these with your friends.

[Stinger]

Originally Posted by talastan

I4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.

He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

Brilliant

[Dartgod]

These aren't Darwin Award nominees. Just some crap that has been circulating in a chain email.

Most of them wouldn't even qualify, since one of the requirments of the Darwin Awards involves DYING!

[talastan]

I did recieve it in an email, so you're probably right Dartgod, just thought it was funny and wanted to share.

[kstater]

Originally Posted by Dartgod

These aren't Darwin Award nominees. Just some crap that has been circulating in a chain email.

Most of them wouldn't even qualify, since one of the requirments of the Darwin Awards involves DYING!

Exactly what I was thinking.

[Dartgod]

Originally Posted by talastan

I did recieve it in an email, so you're probably right Dartgod, just thought it was funny and wanted to share.

No problem, I wasn't attacking you, just debunking is all.

Here are the real 2007 Darwin Award Nominees

http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007.html

I'll post the top two vote getters...

Coitus Interruptus
2007 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
"What goes up must come down."

(20 June 2007, South Carolina) A 21 year-old couple was found naked in the road an hour before sunrise by a passing cabbie. The unconscious, injured pair was taken to the nearest hospital, where they died without regaining consciousness. Authorities were at a loss to explain what had happened. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked cars or motorcycles.

Investigators eventually found a clue high on the roof of a nearby building: two sets of neatly folded clothes, and nothing else. There was no indication of foul play, only of foreplay. "It appears as if [they] accidentally fell off the roof," Sgt. Florence McCants said.

Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a pyramid-shaped metal roof.

This is a true Darwin Award trifecta: TWO people die, WHILE in the act of procreation, due to an ASTONISHINGLY poor decision. Bottom line: If you put yourself in a precarious "position" at the edge of a pointy roof, you may well find yourself coming and going at the same time.

Ironically, one of the deceased was named, "Tumbleston."
(Some reports list the name as "Tubleston.")


The Enema Within
2007 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin

(21 May 2004, Texas) Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation.

The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!

When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.

The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%.

In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.

.

[HemiEd]

[CoMoChief]

Here are some more.

The Top Ten Stupid Criminals of 2007


A policeman’s job is never easy, but dumb criminals make it somewhat easier. This list was whittled down from a much longer list of stories of the stupid things lawbreakers did this past year. These are in chronological order instead of rank. The dates are from the news stories; in some cases the crime itself happened earlier. Most of the links have accompanying video.
1. Lottery Thief Sets Himself on Fire

150_arsonROME, GA June 2
A convenience-store thief got away, but the video from the security camera told a strange, strange tale. A man broke into the store overnight, and tried to cover his tracks by burning the place down. He threw charcoal lighter fluid around, but by the time he ignited it, the fumes had permeated the store, and he set himself on fire. While in flames, he grabbed a roll of lottery tickets and fled. At the time of the story, police were looking for a man with facial, neck, and possibly wrist burns.
2. Ten Hours Stuck in Restaurant Vent

150_stuck2HILLSBOROUGH COUNTY, FL June 8
An employee of the Lucky Buffet noticed a strange sight on arriving at the restaurant. There were legs hanging out of a vent over the grill! 45-year-old Billy Jordan had tried to enter the restaurant the night before by climbing through the ductwork, but became stuck and stayed there for ten hours. Hillsborough County Fire Rescue workers used a rope to pull Jordan back out through the roof, after which he was arrested for burglary.
3. Immovable ATM

ATMattempt

MILWAUKEE, WI July 27
Three men backed a stolen vehicle through the glass front of a gas station. Their intent was to steal an ATM. But they didn’t realize that ATMs are bolted to the floor. After some thought, they tied a rope around the machine and attched it to the vehicle, but still could not dislodge it. They left empty-handed. The ATM was still in working order the next day.
4. The Famous Duct Tape Bandit

NEduct-tape_011

ASHLAND, KY August 13
Police say Kasey Kazee entered Shamrock Liquors and attempted to rob the store. Employees were astonished that he had disguised his face by wrapping it in duct tape! The store manager chased him out with a baseball bat and an employee held him in the parking lot until police arrived. Police removed the duct tape after taking pictures, and arrested Kazee, who denied any memory of the incident.
See a video report here.
5. The Sign of the Crime

NEgrafitti

ADLINGTON, ENGLAND September 6
Peter Addison and his friend Mark Ridgeway vandalized the Toc H centre, a children’s campsite building. They smashed crockery, set off fire extinguishers, and drew grafitti on the walls. Part of the grafitti said “Peter Addison was here.” Police found Addison through a computer database. Both teenagers pled guilty and were ordered to pay for the damage.

Inspector Gareth Woods, of Cheshire Police, said: “This crime is up there with the dumbest of all in the criminal league table.

“There are some pretty stupid criminals around, but to leave your own name at the scene of the crime takes the biscuit.”

6. He Didn’t See the Cop

seethecop

LITTLE ROCK, AR September 7
21-year-old Langston Robins walked right past a uniformed police officer at the Metropolitan Bank and handed a robbery note to the teller. The unarmed would-be robber was arrested after a foot pursuit. Little Rock police spokesman Lt. Terry Hastings said:

“I just don’t know why he didn’t see a uniformed police officer standing basically right in front of him,” Hastings tells the Associated Press. “My guess is he’s just not the brightest of people.”

7. He Stole a Car to Turn Himself In

150_stolencarFLGENEVA, NY September 13
29-year-old Vincent Estrada Junior was pulled over because the car he was driving had been stolen from a parking lot. Estrada explained that he had stolen the car in order to drive to the Geneva City Police Department and turn himself in on a family court warrant! He didn’t make his destination, as police took him to the Ontario County Jail instead, where he was held on car theft charges.

(image credit: Ontario County Sheriff’s Office)
8. Burglar Falls Asleep Under Victim’s Bed

150_vodkaburglarWHITLEY BAY, England September 17
Usually, the burglar robs the house while the victim is asleep, but in this story, the roles were reversed. 24-year-old Mark Smith sneaked into Heather Stephenson’s home, crept past her while she was ironing, and rifled through her belongings in the bedroom. Then he fell asleep under her bed. Mrs. Stephenson couldn’t wake him, and police officers had to drag him out from under the bed. Smith’s vodka and valium consumption were to blame. He received an 18-month sentence for burglary.
9. Cash My Million-Dollar Bill!

150_phonymillionPITTSBURGH, PA November 9
A man flew into a rage at the Giant Eagle supermarket when employees refused to cash a million-dollar bill. 66-year-old Samuel Porter slammed an electronic machine on the counter and refused to give his name to authorities. He was then taken to the Allegheny County Jail. The largest bill currently in circulation is the $100 dollar bill.

Bonus: It happened again soon afterwards in Georgia!

(image credit: AP)
10. Carjacking at a Crime Scene

carjacking

RALEIGH, NC December 11
There had been a stabbing, and police were on the scene talking to a woman who had been a witness to the crime. 38-year-old Anthony William jumped into the woman’s car and drove away! He was arrested the next day, easily identified by the cops who saw him steal the car.

[Bump]

how are some of those darwin awards? My understanding of a Darwin Award is dying in a stupid way, survival of the fittest (or smartest). 3 & 4 are definately not darwin's