If other NFL quarterbacks had been riding Ben Roethlisberger's motorcycle...

**Rain Man** · 06-13-2006, 05:44 PM

We all know what happened to Ben - some busted teeth, a lot of blood, and a good chewing out by Bill Cowher. But what would've been the outcomes for other NFL quarterbacks in this situation? Here's my theory.

Drew Bledsoe – He would have come under scorching criticism from Terrell Owens.

Eli Manning – Archie would have intervened and forced Philip Rivers to get on the motorcycle.

Donovan McNabb – He would have come under scorching criticism from Terrell Owens.

Mark Brunell – He would have thanked God for giving him that wonderful experience and would have tried to baptize the driver of the car.

Brett Favre – He would have received enormous national coverage and sympathy, and then participated in minicamp the following week, throwing seven interceptions.

Brad Johnson – Nobody would have noticed.

Rex Grossman – This is a trick question, because Grossman wouldn’t have been on the motorcycle. He would’ve been at a surgical clinic having arthroscopic surgery.

Josh McCown – Matt Millen would’ve traded for a wide receiver to replace him.

Chris Simms – People would’ve thought he was Brad Johnson.

Michael Vick – The media would be commenting on how he face-planted spectacularly, and no other quarterback could’ve done it.

Drew Brees – He would’ve been traded or cut because, hey, when you’ve got Reggie Bush you don’t need any other players.

Jake Delhomme – He would have survived and been okay, but people would credit Julius Peppers for saving him.

Alex Smith – He would’ve secretly been grateful for missing the 49ers’ season.

Matt Leinert – He would’ve dropped drastically on the draft chart amidst rumors that he can’t take a hit.

Matt Hasselbeck – He would’ve been embarrassed, because five seconds before the crash he would have predicted that he would beat the car.

Marc Bulger – (Long silence). I got nothing. There’s not a single thing about Bulger that’s interesting.

J.P. Losman – He would’ve overshot and missed the car completely.

Daunte Culpepper – Three years ago, he would have crushed the car and kept on going. Now, he would be injured and the driver of the car would have ended up with everything he was carrying.

Chad Pennington – He would’ve been injured. Duh.

Tom Brady – Angels would have descended and saved Tom from harm, and then after the other car stopped, Tom would have climbed into the back seat and given the driver a neck massage to calm her down.

Steve McNair – He would have walked it off, because Steve McNair is tough, man. He’s really tough. Everyone would have been talking about how tough he is.

Carson Palmer – Kimo Von Oelhoffen would have been ticketed for an illegal left turn.

Charlie Frye – Trent Dilfer would take over the team, win a Super Bowl, and then get benched when Elvis Grbac decided to come out of retirement

Peyton Manning – During his first year back, the NFL would institute a special rule that nobody is allowed to touch Manning, and he only has to say the name of a receiver for it to count as a completed pass.

Vince Young – Pfft. As if anything could hit Vince Young...

Byron Leftwich – He would’ve been okay, but Fred Taylor would have been hospitalized with sympathy pains.

David Carr – He would’ve been fine. He takes harder hits than that every Sunday.

Trent Green – If you think that car would’ve made it past Willie Roaf and Will Shields, you’re crazy.

Aaron Brooks – Al Davis would fire Art Shell.

Philip Rivers – Nobody knows…nobody has any idea at all.

Jake Plummer – He wouldn’t have hit the windshield at all, because Broncos only hit in the back.

BucEyedPea · 06-13-2006, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Tom Brady – Angels would have descended and saved Tom from harm, and then after the other car stopped, Tom would have climbed into the back seat and given the driver a neck massage to calm her down.

Yes. He is blessed isn't he.

Raiderhater · 06-13-2006, 05:56 PM

Some funny stuff there.

chubychecker · 06-13-2006, 09:09 PM

Impressed, very funny.

NJ Chief Fan · 06-13-2006, 09:51 PM

Monkeylook4food · 06-13-2006, 09:58 PM

This type of humor really needs a much larger platform.

**Rain Man** · 06-13-2006, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monkeylook4food

This type of humor really needs a much larger platform.

If only I could find one. If only...

Halfcan · 06-13-2006, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

If only I could find one. If only...

Nice list.

Discuss Thrower · 06-14-2006, 02:24 AM

Reposted as myspace bulletin, fo shizzle.

Calcountry · 06-20-2006, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monkeylook4food

This type of humor really needs a much larger platform.

It should only be available to premium members.

Ebolapox · 06-13-2006, 10:02 PM

yeah--I think rainman should be hired on as WPI's new humor columnist

**Fire Me Boy!** · 06-13-2006, 10:05 PM

That was funny! Rep.

KCBOSS1 · 06-13-2006, 10:18 PM

There is no larger platform than the planet! (insert grunt here)

Hammock Parties · 06-13-2006, 10:36 PM

I have a humor column in the latest WPI rag but it's mostly bad puns.

Monkeylook4food · 06-13-2006, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KCBOSS1

There is no larger platform than the planet! (insert grunt here)

Obviously the Planet has a larger message board, but we can syndicate articles through Warpaint to various sources around the internet.

06-13-2006, 05:44 PM	Topic Starter
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-642449 VARSITY	If other NFL quarterbacks had been riding Ben Roethlisberger's motorcycle... We all know what happened to Ben - some busted teeth, a lot of blood, and a good chewing out by Bill Cowher. But what would've been the outcomes for other NFL quarterbacks in this situation? Here's my theory. Drew Bledsoe – He would have come under scorching criticism from Terrell Owens. Eli Manning – Archie would have intervened and forced Philip Rivers to get on the motorcycle. Donovan McNabb – He would have come under scorching criticism from Terrell Owens. Mark Brunell – He would have thanked God for giving him that wonderful experience and would have tried to baptize the driver of the car. Brett Favre – He would have received enormous national coverage and sympathy, and then participated in minicamp the following week, throwing seven interceptions. Brad Johnson – Nobody would have noticed. Rex Grossman – This is a trick question, because Grossman wouldn’t have been on the motorcycle. He would’ve been at a surgical clinic having arthroscopic surgery. Josh McCown – Matt Millen would’ve traded for a wide receiver to replace him. Chris Simms – People would’ve thought he was Brad Johnson. Michael Vick – The media would be commenting on how he face-planted spectacularly, and no other quarterback could’ve done it. Drew Brees – He would’ve been traded or cut because, hey, when you’ve got Reggie Bush you don’t need any other players. Jake Delhomme – He would have survived and been okay, but people would credit Julius Peppers for saving him. Alex Smith – He would’ve secretly been grateful for missing the 49ers’ season. Matt Leinert – He would’ve dropped drastically on the draft chart amidst rumors that he can’t take a hit. Matt Hasselbeck – He would’ve been embarrassed, because five seconds before the crash he would have predicted that he would beat the car. Marc Bulger – (Long silence). I got nothing. There’s not a single thing about Bulger that’s interesting. J.P. Losman – He would’ve overshot and missed the car completely. Daunte Culpepper – Three years ago, he would have crushed the car and kept on going. Now, he would be injured and the driver of the car would have ended up with everything he was carrying. Chad Pennington – He would’ve been injured. Duh. Tom Brady – Angels would have descended and saved Tom from harm, and then after the other car stopped, Tom would have climbed into the back seat and given the driver a neck massage to calm her down. Steve McNair – He would have walked it off, because Steve McNair is tough, man. He’s really tough. Everyone would have been talking about how tough he is. Carson Palmer – Kimo Von Oelhoffen would have been ticketed for an illegal left turn. Charlie Frye – Trent Dilfer would take over the team, win a Super Bowl, and then get benched when Elvis Grbac decided to come out of retirement Peyton Manning – During his first year back, the NFL would institute a special rule that nobody is allowed to touch Manning, and he only has to say the name of a receiver for it to count as a completed pass. Vince Young – Pfft. As if anything could hit Vince Young... Byron Leftwich – He would’ve been okay, but Fred Taylor would have been hospitalized with sympathy pains. David Carr – He would’ve been fine. He takes harder hits than that every Sunday. Trent Green – If you think that car would’ve made it past Willie Roaf and Will Shields, you’re crazy. Aaron Brooks – Al Davis would fire Art Shell. Philip Rivers – Nobody knows…nobody has any idea at all. Jake Plummer – He wouldn’t have hit the windshield at all, because Broncos only hit in the back.
Posts: 145,444

06-13-2006, 05:56 PM	#3
Raiderhater Tried it on and it fit Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: A Webb of chaos Casino cash: $-1567979	Some funny stuff there. __________________ "Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, and disregard of all the rules." -- George Orwell, Shooting an Elephant
Posts: 29,547

06-13-2006, 09:09 PM	#4
chubychecker Starter Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: kansas, hiawatha Casino cash: $10004900	Impressed, very funny.
Posts: 398

06-13-2006, 09:51 PM	#5
NJ Chief Fan DAMMIT CARL! Join Date: Mar 2005 Casino cash: $10004900	YES!
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06-13-2006, 09:58 PM	#6
Monkeylook4food Starter Join Date: May 2006 Casino cash: $10004900	This type of humor really needs a much larger platform.
Posts: 343

06-14-2006, 02:24 AM	#9
Discuss Thrower "You like to drink?" Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: "I like to drink." Casino cash: $-340000	Reposted as myspace bulletin, fo shizzle. Last edited by Discuss Thrower; 07-30-2006 at 12:01 PM..
Posts: 45,249

06-13-2006, 10:02 PM	#11
Ebolapox remember, remember Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: como Casino cash: $-1740097	yeah--I think rainman should be hired on as WPI's new humor columnist
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06-13-2006, 10:05 PM	#12
Fire Me Boy! Cast Iron Jedi Join Date: Nov 2004 Casino cash: $9999900 VARSITY	That was funny! Rep.
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06-13-2006, 10:18 PM	#13
KCBOSS1 RAISE EM RIGHT Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Arkansas Casino cash: $10005366	There is no larger platform than the planet! (insert grunt here)
Posts: 1,927

06-13-2006, 10:36 PM	#14
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $840478	I have a humor column in the latest WPI rag but it's mostly bad puns. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 297,313