Chiefs What is UP with this Bronco's fan?

Direckshun · 06:38 AM

You see her at 0:10 seconds.

Take away the fact that this is a terrible commercial. Terrible acting, and terrible attempts at poetry -- apparently the NFL has assumed its audience is a bunch of 12-year-olds who will be impressed by such clever turns of phrase as "'cause fantasy I play." And ignore the fact that the Redskins fan at 0:49 looks like a reject from Fight Club.

Somewhere in this commercial is a grain of unholy truth.

The Broncos girl at about ten seconds in is downright unsettling. She is supposedly this hardcore Broncos fan. But she is clearly getting no joy out of the whole ritual.

Sure, she comes to the games.

She comes because her brothers forcefed her a steady stream of football since she could crawl.

She comes because this is all she knows.

She gets no enjoyment from any of this.

She knows football forwards and backwards, and she can recite with dead eyes the many preferred platforms she knows she's supposed to prefer watching it on.

But deep inside her, she is alone.

She is not following a passion. She is a prisoner of social norms.

She wanted to follow her dream of making floral arrangements for television infomercials.

When she got a chance to break away from her rigid, miserable father, and her overbearing brothers, she would often go to the park nearby and observe the Japanese gardens.

They would have all sorts of floral arrangements, and she could let her mind and soul finally follow her dreams.

But then she would return.

Her father would force a Broncos jersey onto her before suppertime.

And her brothers would convince her that she should wear darker eye shades, because all guys want is a racoon for a girlfriend.

That and a football fan.

You will love and dream of Broncos football, Melissa. Or you're not an Oswald.

So she goes to the games.

And people ask her who she thinks should start at running back.

She always has an opinion. She always says the right things.

But it's been years since she's felt joy.

It's been years since she's felt emotions of any kind.

That's why she started killing.

At first it was a couple hitchhikers on the way to a Broncos game.

Imprisoned into rooting for the Broncos for a lifetime, she thought it'd finally give her day some purpose.

Murder an innocent, and see if you could stash the body for the day without anybody at the tailgate noticing.

The stench of the rotting corpse being overshadowed by smokey coals after the game.

Once, before a home game in 2011, she was sloppy about it on the way to the stadium.

She was running late and did a terrible hack job on one innocent.

She hacked him up but didn't control the wounds in time.

Between their 11th and 12th cans of Bud Light Lime, her brothers started smelling something.

They started wondering what on earth that horrific stench was.

They turned to Melissa. "What the hell is that smell? And why aren't you wearing more eye black?"

Quickly, robotically, she had done what she had done all her life:

"I think the real question here is how serious is Ty Warren's injury? I bet he ends up on IR."

Her brothers, thoughtlessly and drunkenly, followed her lead and began discussing Warren's future with the team.

And Melissa smirked.

It's the only time she feels anything.

When she kills.

And only her dead eyes betray her when she talks football.

**Baby Lee** · 08-11-2014, 06:56 AM

Be strong Reck

Direckshun · 08-11-2014, 07:02 AM

bobhill · 08-11-2014, 07:26 AM

There are Redskins

fans?

**Gonzo** · 08-11-2014, 07:31 AM

You're next...

Direckshun · 08-11-2014, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gonzo

You're next...

She wouldn't harm me.

I understand that she is a prisoner. I would try to free her.

I believe that her skills will be necessary in the apocalyptic aftermath of WWIII.

**MahiMike** · 08-11-2014, 07:33 AM

That's a horrible commercial.

htismaqe · 08-11-2014, 07:58 AM

Quote:

She is not following a passion. She is a prisoner of social norms.

Hit the nail right on the head.

**LoneWolf** · 08-11-2014, 08:04 AM

After years of Bronco fandom and ritual killings before games, she turned those dead eyes into crazy eyes. Eye black was no longer needed because the blackness of her soul kept the glaring sun out of her eyes. Her Bronco fandom had turned her into a monster.

Her last killing before she was apprehended by police at a Schlotzky's after the most recent Bronco playoff loss was a poor soul he went by the name Knowmo. His last words as she cut his throat were: "If Clady would have played, we would have won this game." Here is her most recent prison photo.

Coochie liquor · 08-11-2014, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoneWolf

After years of Bronco fandom and ritual killings before games, she turned those dead eyes into crazy eyes. Eye black was no longer needed because the blackness of her soul kept the glaring sun out of her eyes. Her Bronco fandom had turned her into a monster.

Her last killing before she was apprehended by police at a Schlotzky's after the most recent Bronco playoff loss was a poor soul he went by the name Knowmo. His last words as she cut his throat were: "If Clady would have played, we would have won this game." Here is her most recent prison photo.

Omfg, great ending!

**Rain Man** · 08-11-2014, 09:26 AM

This woman is the marketing face of the modern NFL. She's young and nominally attractive, and she buys merchandise and proclaims fandom even though she doesn't really care about the games. I bet she wins a trip to the Super Bowl in this year's "Together We Make Football" contest.

**Nzoner** · 08-11-2014, 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

This woman is the marketing face of the modern NFL. She's young and nominally attractive, and she buys merchandise and proclaims fandom even though she doesn't really care about the games. I bet she wins a trip to the Super Bowl in this year's "Together We Make Football" contest.

I had a young lady at my Super Bowl party last year sporting a shirt that read Peyton ****ing Manning.She fit your description perfectly.

**Rain Man** · 08-11-2014, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nzoner

I had a young lady at my Super Bowl party last year sporting a shirt that read Peyton ****ing Manning.She fit your description perfectly.

I'm pondering creating a fake entry to this year's sham NFL contest that features a stock photo of an attractive young woman. I bet I could win a trip to the Super Bowl.

L.A. Chieffan · 08-11-2014, 09:43 AM

It's a commercial for an app?

DMAC · 08-11-2014, 09:46 AM

Love it brother

08-11-2014, 06:31 AM	Topic Starter
Direckshun __ Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Springpatch Casino cash: $2033447	What is UP with this Bronco's fan? You see her at 0:10 seconds. Take away the fact that this is a terrible commercial. Terrible acting, and terrible attempts at poetry -- apparently the NFL has assumed its audience is a bunch of 12-year-olds who will be impressed by such clever turns of phrase as "'cause fantasy I play." And ignore the fact that the Redskins fan at 0:49 looks like a reject from Fight Club. Somewhere in this commercial is a grain of unholy truth. The Broncos girl at about ten seconds in is downright unsettling. She is supposedly this hardcore Broncos fan. But she is clearly getting no joy out of the whole ritual. Sure, she comes to the games. She comes because her brothers forcefed her a steady stream of football since she could crawl. She comes because this is all she knows. She gets no enjoyment from any of this. She knows football forwards and backwards, and she can recite with dead eyes the many preferred platforms she knows she's supposed to prefer watching it on. But deep inside her, she is alone. She is not following a passion. She is a prisoner of social norms. She wanted to follow her dream of making floral arrangements for television infomercials. When she got a chance to break away from her rigid, miserable father, and her overbearing brothers, she would often go to the park nearby and observe the Japanese gardens. They would have all sorts of floral arrangements, and she could let her mind and soul finally follow her dreams. But then she would return. Her father would force a Broncos jersey onto her before suppertime. And her brothers would convince her that she should wear darker eye shades, because all guys want is a racoon for a girlfriend. That and a football fan. You will love and dream of Broncos football, Melissa. Or you're not an Oswald. So she goes to the games. And people ask her who she thinks should start at running back. She always has an opinion. She always says the right things. But it's been years since she's felt joy. It's been years since she's felt emotions of any kind. That's why she started killing. At first it was a couple hitchhikers on the way to a Broncos game. Imprisoned into rooting for the Broncos for a lifetime, she thought it'd finally give her day some purpose. Murder an innocent, and see if you could stash the body for the day without anybody at the tailgate noticing. The stench of the rotting corpse being overshadowed by smokey coals after the game. Once, before a home game in 2011, she was sloppy about it on the way to the stadium. She was running late and did a terrible hack job on one innocent. She hacked him up but didn't control the wounds in time. Between their 11th and 12th cans of Bud Light Lime, her brothers started smelling something. They started wondering what on earth that horrific stench was. They turned to Melissa. "What the hell is that smell? And why aren't you wearing more eye black?" Quickly, robotically, she had done what she had done all her life: "I think the real question here is how serious is Ty Warren's injury? I bet he ends up on IR." Her brothers, thoughtlessly and drunkenly, followed her lead and began discussing Warren's future with the team. And Melissa smirked. It's the only time she feels anything. When she kills. And only her dead eyes betray her when she talks football. Last edited by Direckshun; 08-11-2014 at 06:38 AM..
Posts: 59,693

08-11-2014, 06:56 AM	#2
Baby Lee Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $8028275	Be strong Reck __________________ We need the kind of courage that can withstand the subtle corruption of the cynics - E.W.
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08-11-2014, 07:02 AM	#3
Direckshun __ Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Springpatch Casino cash: $2033447
Posts: 59,693

08-11-2014, 07:26 AM	#4
bobhill Starter Join Date: Jan 2014 Casino cash: $2568028	There are Redskins fans?
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08-11-2014, 07:33 AM	#7
MahiMike He's Mahomie! Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Jax, FL Casino cash: $10023443	That's a horrible commercial. __________________ 99.9%
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08-11-2014, 08:04 AM	#9
LoneWolf Constable of Untruths Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Wichita Casino cash: $-948916	After years of Bronco fandom and ritual killings before games, she turned those dead eyes into crazy eyes. Eye black was no longer needed because the blackness of her soul kept the glaring sun out of her eyes. Her Bronco fandom had turned her into a monster. Her last killing before she was apprehended by police at a Schlotzky's after the most recent Bronco playoff loss was a poor soul he went by the name Knowmo. His last words as she cut his throat were: "If Clady would have played, we would have won this game." Here is her most recent prison photo.
Posts: 15,432

08-11-2014, 09:26 AM	#11
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-672449 VARSITY	This woman is the marketing face of the modern NFL. She's young and nominally attractive, and she buys merchandise and proclaims fandom even though she doesn't really care about the games. I bet she wins a trip to the Super Bowl in this year's "Together We Make Football" contest. __________________ Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history.
Posts: 145,500

08-11-2014, 09:43 AM	#14
L.A. Chieffan PLAY GOOD FOOTBALL Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: American Gardens Building Casino cash: $2688654	It's a commercial for an app?
Posts: 17,400

08-11-2014, 09:46 AM	#15
DMAC MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $10008735	Love it brother
Posts: 11,651