Other Sports Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 20 - Sofa King versus Iowanian - Page 4

**Rain Man** · 07-12-2018, 09:14 AM

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is. All participants are handed their weapons at t=0 unless stated otherwise.

Venue - Contestant 2 is at the top of an upward-moving escalator and Contestant 1 is at the bottom. The escalator is the only space in the venue.
Starting Distance - 54 feet

Sofa King

Main Weapon - Samurai sword
Backup Weapon - Taser (the touch kind, not the shooting kind) and steak knife

Prep Time - 22 seconds
Special Factors - None

Iowanian

Main Weapon - 2 boomerangs, one heavy and one bladed, and a handful of salt
Backup Weapon - BB gun with 50 BBs, each of which is coated with enough poison to slow a person down by 4 percentage points

Prep Time - 5 Minutes

**Bowser** · 07-12-2018, 09:18 PM

Anorexic Rob Ford. I almost pissed a little.

**srvy** · 07-12-2018, 09:39 PM

No mention if its a bb rifle or pistol weather gas or pump. If its a gas operated bb rifle sofa king is gonna be one drugged up slow moving sword swinger seeing quadruples. I think this one ends in Iowanian holding up the severed head by razor sharp Boomerang of the former king.

**SAUTO** · 07-12-2018, 10:15 PM

No way iowanian loses this

KS Smitty · 07-12-2018, 10:20 PM

Those voting for Sofa King obviously aren't very familiar with Iowanian.

He could kick you ass with a chihuahua as his only weapon.

NJChiefsFan · 07-12-2018, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iowanian

Oh yeah....I got a bob gun when I was six years old and spent my entire childhood shooting sparrows in barns and rabbits and grasshoppers.....I'll shoot your eye out, Ralphy.

How many times do you think you could hit him before he got close enough that you had to throw the bladed boomerang. I think if you had more distance the play would be to hit him and try and take out 30-40% of his movement. That's 7-10 hits though.

At that point throw the salt to mess with his vision and chuck that bladed boomerang. I think in that scenario on an escalator you have a good chance of hitting a guy fighting to see with salt in his eyes and moving at 60% capacity.

Big issue remaining is that even a good shot with the bladed boomerang may very well not be a kill-shot. Then what?

**srvy** · 07-13-2018, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJChiefsFan

How many times do you think you could hit him before he got close enough that you had to throw the bladed boomerang. I think if you had more distance the play would be to hit him and try and take out 30-40% of his movement. That's 7-10 hits though.

At that point throw the salt to mess with his vision and chuck that bladed boomerang. I think in that scenario on an escalator you have a good chance of hitting a guy fighting to see with salt in his eyes and moving at 60% capacity.

Big issue remaining is that even a good shot with the bladed boomerang may very well not be a kill-shot. Then what?

Who says he will have to throw it? Once sofa king is goofy from the bbs Iowanian will sever his head with razor boomerang like it was a corn knife!

Pasta Little Brioni · 07-13-2018, 06:13 AM

I envision that boomerang kid from Mad Max and Iowa slicing a limb off before sofa reaches the top

Graystoke · 07-13-2018, 06:44 AM

That salt Iowanian has is going to be used to enhance the flavor of a very dead Sofa King.

Iowans stick together, so he gets my vote.

Sofa King · 07-13-2018, 08:19 AM

Lmao. Lotta iffy bullshit coming from Iowa’s camp. It’s a shitty red Ryder B.B. gun, inaccurate and slow per Rain Man. And Iowa talks a mean game but that’s about it.

**Buehler445** · 07-13-2018, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJChiefsFan

How many times do you think you could hit him before he got close enough that you had to throw the bladed boomerang. I think if you had more distance the play would be to hit him and try and take out 30-40% of his movement. That's 7-10 hits though.

At that point throw the salt to mess with his vision and chuck that bladed boomerang. I think in that scenario on an escalator you have a good chance of hitting a guy fighting to see with salt in his eyes and moving at 60% capacity.

Big issue remaining is that even a good shot with the bladed boomerang may very well not be a kill-shot. Then what?

I wouldn’t throw the thing. The heavy one either. Just use it as a short sword. If he can use the heavy one to block/Perry he can counter with the sharp one quicker than a big sword can make another attack. Especially in confinement.

**Iowanian** · 07-13-2018, 09:38 AM

I don't even need to fire that red rider

**LoneWolf** · 07-13-2018, 09:57 AM

I just assume that Iowanian carries a swarm of trained attack bees with him wherever he goes plus I just believe he is a tougher SOB than Sofa King. I thought this would easily go to the man from Iowa.

By the way Iowanian, I was in Burlington, Iowa for four days this week. I asked around at the Catfish Bend Casino if anyone knew you. I got a lot of funny looks when I asked if anyone knew of a crazy, sarcastic beekeeper that goes by the name of Iowanian.

NJChiefsFan · 07-13-2018, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sofa King

Lmao. Lotta iffy bullshit coming from Iowa’s camp. It’s a shitty red Ryder B.B. gun, inaccurate and slow per Rain Man. And Iowa talks a mean game but that’s about it.

I actually voted for you. I don't think the distance is enough to get the poison dose strong enough.

Sofa King · 07-13-2018, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJChiefsFan

I actually voted for you. I don't think the distance is enough to get the poison dose strong enough.

Salt and boomerangs vs a taser and samurai sword, the strongest and mostly deadly sword of all time.

**The Franchise** · 07-13-2018, 10:31 AM

He'll shoot him with his BB gun! Then he'll throw salt in his eyes! Then he'll chop off his head with a boomerang!

Does Iowanian have 8 arms to do all this shit? They're moving closer to each other....he doesn't have time for all of that switching around. Sofa just has to charge with a sword. Boom....over.

View Poll Results: Who wins?
Sofa King	35	53.85%
Iowanian	30	46.15%
Voters: 65. You may not vote on this poll

07-12-2018, 09:14 AM
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-662449 VARSITY	Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 20 - Sofa King versus Iowanian Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is. All participants are handed their weapons at t=0 unless stated otherwise. Venue - Contestant 2 is at the top of an upward-moving escalator and Contestant 1 is at the bottom. The escalator is the only space in the venue. Starting Distance - 54 feet Sofa King Main Weapon - Samurai sword Backup Weapon - Taser (the touch kind, not the shooting kind) and steak knife Prep Time - 22 seconds Special Factors - None Iowanian Main Weapon - 2 boomerangs, one heavy and one bladed, and a handful of salt Backup Weapon - BB gun with 50 BBs, each of which is coated with enough poison to slow a person down by 4 percentage points Prep Time - 5 Minutes
Posts: 145,496

07-12-2018, 09:18 PM	#46
Bowser sorta mod-ish Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: KC North Casino cash: $-188384	Anorexic Rob Ford. I almost pissed a little.
Posts: 106,829

07-12-2018, 09:39 PM	#47
srvy Fight, build, win! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: KC Casino cash: $-2218750	No mention if its a bb rifle or pistol weather gas or pump. If its a gas operated bb rifle sofa king is gonna be one drugged up slow moving sword swinger seeing quadruples. I think this one ends in Iowanian holding up the severed head by razor sharp Boomerang of the former king. __________________ "The victim stance is a powerful one. The victim is always morally right, neither responsible nor accountable, and forever entitled to sympathy."
Posts: 25,872

07-12-2018, 10:15 PM	#48
SAUTO Shit Join Date: Jun 2008 Casino cash: $10039067	No way iowanian loses this
Posts: 55,715

07-12-2018, 10:20 PM	#49
KS Smitty Cool as a Cucumber Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: on the edge Casino cash: $2766717	Those voting for Sofa King obviously aren't very familiar with Iowanian. He could kick you ass with a chihuahua as his only weapon. __________________ A D with Sneed is a D indeed.
Posts: 3,827

07-13-2018, 06:13 AM	#52
Pasta Little Brioni Consuming CP souls Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: U.S.A. Casino cash: $188880	I envision that boomerang kid from Mad Max and Iowa slicing a limb off before sofa reaches the top __________________ **Official TFWdemB Trivia Commisioner**
Posts: 73,003

07-13-2018, 06:44 AM	#53
Graystoke MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Driftless Region Casino cash: $-2530000	That salt Iowanian has is going to be used to enhance the flavor of a very dead Sofa King. Iowans stick together, so he gets my vote.
Posts: 9,613

07-13-2018, 08:19 AM	#54
Sofa King Bump it Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: South Dakota Casino cash: $-370000 VARSITY	Lmao. Lotta iffy bullshit coming from Iowa’s camp. It’s a shitty red Ryder B.B. gun, inaccurate and slow per Rain Man. And Iowa talks a mean game but that’s about it.
Posts: 23,465

07-13-2018, 09:38 AM	#56
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1678454	I don't even need to fire that red rider
Posts: 62,945

07-13-2018, 09:57 AM	#57
LoneWolf Constable of Untruths Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Wichita Casino cash: $-938916	I just assume that Iowanian carries a swarm of trained attack bees with him wherever he goes plus I just believe he is a tougher SOB than Sofa King. I thought this would easily go to the man from Iowa. By the way Iowanian, I was in Burlington, Iowa for four days this week. I asked around at the Catfish Bend Casino if anyone knew you. I got a lot of funny looks when I asked if anyone knew of a crazy, sarcastic beekeeper that goes by the name of Iowanian.
Posts: 15,431

07-13-2018, 10:31 AM	#60
The Franchise Most Valuable Villain Join Date: Dec 2006 Casino cash: $2065047	He'll shoot him with his BB gun! Then he'll throw salt in his eyes! Then he'll chop off his head with a boomerang! Does Iowanian have 8 arms to do all this shit? They're moving closer to each other....he doesn't have time for all of that switching around. Sofa just has to charge with a sword. Boom....over.
Posts: 92,316