Raising the Office Party Debacle to a new level

[cadmonkey]

OK, I've been here for a while and some people know I have a pretty bad reputation when it comes to the booze, drugs, and partying. I really haven't said much lately and feel that I need to let some of the newer members in on some of the fun.

For you older memebers.......keep your "shut up you skin head nazi motherfucker" comments quiet. Some n00bs don't need to hear that shit. but some of you want to hear some back stories:

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=104842

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=121868

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...93#post2270193

and the one of me being a skin head I can't find..........anyways, here is the latest horror story as taken from an email I wrote to my buddies:

I must say that I am a little upset that I didn’t make it to the Festivus party. I think I am more upset that I actually attended my Holiday Party at all…….and before I tell this story just understand that I may infact be looking for a new job soon……..and might have a broken thumb.



So the night was going as well as could be expected, open bar, casino night, and good times had by most. Then after my 10th Gin and Tonic, one girl (some of you know who I am talking about) pulls me aside and tells me “we need to talk about something”. She brings me to the second floor of the two story lobby that the gambling tables are set up in. I’m figuring she is going to explain to me why she has been acting really weird the past days and why she was avoiding my phone calls earlier that day. Well she drops a bomb, “I just want to tell you that I’m seeing our boss.” Mine you she is going through a divorce and our boss is married. I’m not really sure what the reaction she was looking for was but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the one I gave.



Not sure what the order was but, I called her wh0re, then I called her fucking joke, put my fist through a wall, blood EVERYWHERE, she started crying and curled up into the fetal position on the couch and told me to go away. I’ve never seen someone so terrified in my life…….until I got to my boss. But I’ll get to that. I go back down to the party and get another drink. My buddy Kevin sees that there is blood pouring from my hand. He takes me to my room to clean up, but on the way I see the guy who I knocked out over the summer at a cookout run past us and up to my friend on the couch.



I wash my hand off, but it won’t stop bleeding. We say fuck it and go back to the party. Not sure who looked for whom but before I know it I have my boss pinned in a corner, my finger in his face, blood still running down my hand telling him he’s a piece of sh*t who is taking advantage of someone in a bad situation. He tells me “obviously no one can find out about this seeing how I am married. I have very strong feeling for her and would hate if something happened to ruin this”



Seeing how I am now in complete rage and a physical mess, Kevin decided I should probably call it a night and go back to my room. As we are heading back there he tells me that the dipsh*t I that was on the couch comforting her is now looking for me, Kevin told him it was probably very wise to stay clear of me. We actually have to walk past the two of them, still on the couch, and the bloody hole in the wall in order to get to my room. But now my boss is also there and I can’t help myself but laugh and say “isn’t that cute.” We get to my room to find that I have been locked out. They shut both my keys off. I had to go to the front desk and tell them I lost my keys, the guy giving me the new one saw that they just locked me out but didn’t want to deal with me and just gave me a new one anyways.



Fast forward about an hour…………we’re hanging out in one girl’s room, about 8 or 9 of us, and she tells me to get on the bed so she came rub my back. At this point I can barley stand up and fall as I am heading to the bed. On the way to the floor my hand swipes across one girl’s nice new dress, giving it a nice red streak across the b00b area. “I think we should call house keeping and get matt some bandages for his hand.” Anyways the next thing I know I wake up in bed, alone with a nice new text from guess who. It says “I need you to respect my privacy and tell no one about this.” Well seeing I told just about all of our friends what happened I’m pretty sure that’s going to be tough. I get out of bed and see what destruction I did to my room after I left that other girl’s room. Pillows thrown every where, beer cans everwhere, “is that puke on the ground?” yup it was. I go to the fridge and crack a cold beer and start making some calls. I meet a few friends down for breakfast and of course the entire restaurant is filled with work people all looking at me and talking.



I think I just raised the bar when it comes to the Holiday Party debacle. I may have to look for a new job, needless to say.

So last night I went to the hospital to get some x-rays done. I’m waiting in the emergency room when I hear a girl’s voice say “ok matthew are you ready?” the curtain opens up and I think I recognize the girl. She looks at me and realizes she knows me too, we worked at the mall together for a few months. She takes me to the x-ray room and starts taking some photos. We’re flirting with each other the whole time until she takes me back to the waiting room. A few minutes later she comes back with a CD, she tells me that she isn’t supposed to do this but she saved the x-rays to the disk if I wanted to look at them at home, and I really wanted to I could call the phone number on the back and meet her for drinks some time. Nothing better than getting picked up at the hospital

.....and yes, after the holiday craziness is over with i have a date with her.

[2112]

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Phobia

First or second time?

And you figure that at some point he tried to go for a third.

http://www.d12.com/Resources/Alcoholism%20Self-Test.htm

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS OF ALCOHOLISM?

The NCADD SELF-TEST



WHAT ARE THE SIGNS OF ALCOHOLISM?

Here is a self-test to help you review the role alcohol plays in your life. These questions incorporate many common symptoms of alcoholism . This test is intended to help you determine if you or someone you know needs to find out more about alcoholism; It is not intended to be used to establish the diagnosis of alcoholism.

Do you ever drink heavily when you are disappointed, under pressure or have had a quarrel with someone?

Can you handle more alcohol now than when you first started to drink?

Have you ever been unable to remember part of the previous evening, even though your friends said that you did not pass out?

When drinking with other people, do you try to have a few extra drinks when others won't know about?

Do you sometimes feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available?

Do you sometimes feel a little guilty about your drinking?

Are you in more of a hurry to get your first drink of the day than you used to be?

Has a family member or close friend ever expressed concern or complained about your drinking?

Have you been having more memory 'blackouts' recently?

Do you often want to continue drinking after your friends say they've had enough?

Do you usually have a reason for the occasions when you drink heavily?

When you're sober, do you sometimes regret things you did or said while drinking?

Have you tried switching brands or drinks, or following different plans to control your drinking?

Have you sometimes failed to keep promises you.made to yourself about controlling or cutting down on your drinking?

Have you ever had a DWI (driving while intoxicated) or DUI (driving under the influence of alcohol) violation, or any other legal problem related to your drinking?

Do you try to avoid family or close friends while you are drinking?

Are you having more financial, work, school and/or family problems as a result of your drinking?

Has your physician ever advised you to cut down on your drinking?

Do you eat very little or irregularly during the periods when you are drinking?

Do you sometimes have the "shakes" in the morning and find that it helps to have a "little" drink, tranquilizer medication of some kind?

Have you recently noticed that you can't drink as much as you used to?

Do you sometimes stay drunk for several days at a time?

After periods of drinking do you sometimes see or hear things that aren't there?

Have you ever gone to anyone for, help about your drinking?

Do you ever feel depressed or anxious before, during or after of heavy drinking?

Any "yes" answer indicates that you may be a greater risk for alcoholism. More than one "yes" answer may indicate the presence of an alcohol-related problem or alcoholism, and the need for consultation with a alcoholism professional.

I think cadmonkey got about eight of these questions just based on last night.

[Bugeater]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

In a way, this lessens my embarrassment at using the wrong fork on my salad at a charity dinner the other night.

I always eat my entire meal with my salad fork. That's how I roll.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Bugeater

I always eat my entire meal with my salad fork. That's how I roll.

Barbarian.

[noa]

Do you do Bar Mitzvahs?

[Easy 6]

"Is THIS the man who WRECKED the buffet???"

[Bugeater]

Originally Posted by scott free

"Is this the man who WRECKED the buffet???"

[thedude]

Drinking=fun

Drinking+people like this=scary

[ChiefFan31]

Well, your not the first person in history to become a drunken mess at your companies Christmas party.

My question is why did you care so much about a girl at work sexing up her boss to punch a hole in the wall? Did you like her or something?

[Skyy God]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

In a way, this lessens my embarrassment at using the wrong fork on my salad at a charity dinner the other night.

Geez, you'd think that you'd have the whole dinner/salad fork distinction down by 50.

[big nasty kcnut]

Man do you ever have a normal day at work ever?

[Chief Roundup]

Dude you need to get some serious help for yourself. Drinking is going to ruin this time of your life and probably kill you?

[ChiefsfaninPA]

How do you think your mother or father would react to this story? I bet they wouldn't think it was funny or "cute". You need serious help.....NOW!!!!

[Hammock Parties]

I don't see what the big deal is. You put your fist through a wall. Big deal.

What I liked was the whole x-ray tech thing - like any girl in her right mind is going to be interested in a moron who hits walls.