First Reviews of IJKoCS are in...

[irishjayhawk]

Last month, we posted about an alleged, albeit totes sketchy, early first review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull which called it “the best of the Indy sequels.” Well, the film recently screened and reviews are beginning to trickle in. Umm, they are not positive at all. Update: a new one is positive, summarized here at the end. AICN received three today, one heavy on the “it sucks” and spoilers, the other basically saying, “Yeah, that first guy who said the movie sucks? I see where he’s coming from.” The latest says it’s a worthy addition and brings a smile. Here are some lowlights from the second review…

it doesn’t totally suck, the sequel is just “unnecessary”
everything about the film is “bloated” and Spielberg/Lucas try way too hard.
it doesn’t feel like Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford may as well be Harvey Keitel or Booger
too much unnecessary, analytical dialogue a la the prequels
Cate Blanchett’s is the “least interesting” of the franchise’s villains
it’s a weak retread, but the reviewer didn’t “hate it”
But the first review out and out rips it…here’s a spoiler-free recap, spoilers after the jump

“this is the Indiana Movie that you were dreading”
compares it to…Allen Quatermain…, the Indy knockoff, ouch
perilous moments lack tension (this is a recurring criticism thus far)
sets switch jarringly from outdoors to indoors. “jungle looks like plastic.”
LaBeouf is “horrible,” a crybaby, and receives too much sappy “adulation” from Indy
Ford has “a few lines that work and a million that don’t” and never seems in danger, duress
end point: fanboys’ charges of “child hood memory molestation” against Lucas will explode once again
UPDATE: Now a third review has popped up. Surprise, it’s positive…

Crystal Skull is the 3rd best in the franchise, can’t top Raiders (duh)
best chase scene of all the movies
Shia was “just fine,” acting is “good across the board”
snake scene is way too slapstick (recurring criticism)
ending leaves something to be desired, but PLEASE not a fifth film
Ranks it third after Raiders and Temple of Doom, and before Last Crusade (Peter says WTF, but that’s my original trilogy order as well :P).
“Spielberg magic” is present
“people will be mixed.”
“Pretty. Damn. Good.”
Peter and I are in a disagreement as far as expectations go. While I don’t expect Crystal Skull to be as perfect as Raiders, if the film is tonally and structurally off as to be the Rocky V of the series, I will be pissed. If I glance at the four Indy movies in a DVD box-set later on and want to habitually shed it down to three, I will be pissed. Peter says he expects the film to be the Live Free or Die Hard of the franchise, but to me, that would be a travesty (proportionally speaking, of course).

After all of the time spent working to perfect the film’s script (after Darabont was left in the cold), the years of early hype, and the fact that Spielberg/Lucas are tinkering with one of the great franchises of all time, why set your standards low? I’m not sure what has happened on the Internet as of late as far as geek movie culture, but the “well it was pretty good and that’s fine” reigns supreme. I’d like to be able to think of one American popcorn franchise that consistently got it right and ended on a high note (not a “good if you’re an ’80s baby” way), and more and more, we’re seeing great records tarnished.

Alright, for you sickos out there, spoilers after the jump

Per slashfilm.


First two are exactly what i was thinking was going to happen. As always, we'll see.

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by frazod

I know that's been getting great reviews. I just don't have much interest in it.

I'm getting old, Clayton. Seeing new movies just doesn't interest me like it once did.

Hope I never get this jaded.

[Frazod]

Originally Posted by GOATSE

Hope I never get this jaded.

This isn't jaded. I'd just rather watch movies in the comfort of my own home now than the theater, unless it's something really spectacular. I just spent a small fortune on this new TV and blu ray player - I'm going to use them.

[kcxiv]

I am going to watch it, as long as i am halfassed entertained i am ok. Its just a movie. If i really like it fine, if its ok, then ok.

[beavis]

Originally Posted by frazod

Just that godawful Brad Pitt Jesse James movie, which I walked out on.

I've noticed you post this a couple of times before. I don't see where you are coming from... it wasn't great, but it wasn't that bad. The book was much better.

I totally get where you are coming from about watching from home rather than the theater. Given the quality of the equipment you can buy for your own use these days, it's kind of silly to drop $10 on a ticket when you can get it from Netflix three months later.

[FAX]

Originally Posted by frazod

I know that's been getting great reviews. I just don't have much interest in it.

I'm getting old, Clayton. Seeing new movies just doesn't interest me like it once did.

Normally, I would agree that the majority of movies don't warrant a theater visit, Mr. frazod. However, in this case, you should make the effort. IronMan is to be enjoyed on a big screen.

FAX

[Sure-Oz]

Originally Posted by frazod

This isn't jaded. I'd just rather watch movies in the comfort of my own home now than the theater, unless it's something really spectacular. I just spent a small fortune on this new TV and blu ray player - I'm going to use them.

You'll enjoy Iron Man and go see the dark knight when it comes too

[Adept Havelock]

I don't care what the reviewers say. I expect I'll go, follow the "Bond rule" (disengage my higher brain functions), lean back, and enjoy the ride.

Somebody should tell that one idiot that H. Rider Haggard's Allen Quatermain preceded Indiana Jones by 95 years, and was one of the inspirations for the character. AQ wasn't a rip-off of IJ, but IJ is partly an homage to AQ. That said, the Richard Chamberlain movie was horrible. However, that's not the fault of the source material.

Either way, I expect it'll be a fun ride. That's all I'm looking for in an IJ flick.

I'm not much of a comic-book hero fan, but I enjoyed Batman Returns enough to see Dark Knight, and I expect I'll give Iron Man a viewing as well.