I hope my flaccid, embarrassing penis breaks inside my mom

[#1 Bronco's Fan]

He gets staff infection in it and dies. I then hope his soul is forever tormented by Freddy Krueger as Krueger repeatedly rips out his intestines 3 times a day for eternity.

Breaking News:

Immediately following the game in San Diego, Kansas City Chiefs General Manager John Dorsey said, "It's really just terrible luck that we have to play a starting NFL Quarterback next week."

Peyton Manning was harassed all game by the San Diego Chargers, and the Officials did what they could to make sure Kansas City's goal to face all backup quarterbacks could be secured by not throwing flags on anything. Refusing to be named, one NFL Official said, "We definitely wanted to keep San Diego in it, so we threw flags whenever Rivers fumbled the snap. We assumed keeping the game close would be the best way to keep Manning under fire."

When reached for comment about having to face a starting NFL quarterback, backup quarterback Alex Smith said, "Well there was that one time I threw two touchdowns in a game, that was pretty insane. I think I even had over 100 yards."

Andy Reid did manage to finish a pile of uncooked pasta in time to comment on the game, stating, " Well, the Denver Broncos did fail to reach their 5 touchdown minimum this week, so there's that."

With Manning: Denver 41, KC 19
With Oz: Denver 24, KC 17