Now I know why wii's are so popular...

[keg in kc]

The OIOO is actually two devices sharing one common name, much like you will be sharing STDs with your roommates if you ever actually buy one. The OI and OO are a dildo and a synthetic vagina, respectively, that you slip over your WiiMote. This, in combination with special software that syncs up with Skype, allows you to virtually screw somebody over the Internet, a pastime which was normally only reserved for 4chan.

Supposedly the vibrations will feed back and forth between the two devices allowing two partners to simulate sex, and that's a fine idea for very sad people who are far away from each other, but it's also pretty dangerous. First and foremost, as pretty much any male can confirm, one is not exactly in the best mindset for subterfuge, post-orgasm. That is to say, the sated and deflated feeling that follows orgasm is not conducive to the thoroughness required for the cleaning up and hiding of pornographic or sexual materials. Still too oblique?

Fine: Somebody, at some point, is going to leave a pocket pussy on their WiiMote.

Do you want to put your penis in this? No? Congratulations! There is nothing wrong with you.

If you live in a college dorm, you're likely going to be responsible for coining the new term "Wii-STD." If you live with children, you're likely to be under arrest. If you live alone, you're likely to find yourself accidentally playing the most terrifyingly erotic game of Resident Evil 4 in the existence of man. And there are no therapy sessions for an experience like that; you just live with that darkness forever, until it finally takes you.