The ten best things about being sick.

[Rain Man]

1. I sound kind of like that one Statler brother with the droopy eyes and deep voice.

2. I feel that I'm finally reaching my full potential in mucous production.

3. I haven't shaved in five days.

4. Quality time with my cat.

5. It gives me a wistful appreciation of life and the verve that I once had.

6. If it gets really bad and I'm hospitalized, popular Internet cinema indicates that sexy night-shift nurses often get rather kinky.

7. If I make obscene phone calls, people won't recognize my voice.

8. High fever = low heating bills.

9. I'm in preliminary discussions for my own telethon.

10. I've learned to time my coughing to add a new percussion track to Meat Loaf's "Bat Out of Hell" album.


I hate being sick. I don't know why I do it.