Job interview - make your destiny here.

[Rain Man]

I'm thinking about hiring someone, and my lawyer tells me that I need to open up my search beyond merely competent, trained people. So if you'd like to be considered for an exciting career in market research, please answer the following questions in this initial interview. If you answer the questions properly, I'll give you a job.

On your mark, get set, go.

Situational Questions

1. You are at a party, and you meet a brand manager at Burger King. She mentions that she thinks the whole psychotic king ad theme is getting old, but she’s not sure. What do you say or do?
2. You are in a meeting with the president of the firm, two other senior managers, three other analysts, two interns, and a client who’s picky about their report. Suddenly, a Nazi soldier throws one of those potato masher hand grenades into the room. What do you say or do?
3. You are on a cruise ship with your boss when it hits an old Nazi sea mine and sinks. There are only two life preservers left, and you, your boss, and your boss’s prized rare medieval anvil are alone on the deck. What do you say or do?
4. You and your boss are on your way to an interview. You arrive early and visit the restroom, and while inside you see a pair of feet under a stall and a competitor’s proposal sitting on the counter with another document titled, “Our Top-Secret Plan to Beat [your company]”. What do you say or do?
5. You are on a business trip with your boss. At dinner, your boss stands up and accidentally hits a tray being carried by a waiter. The tray tips and the waiter falls. As he goes down, he clutches frantically and accidentally grabs the strapless evening gown of a beautiful woman at the next table, pulling it off of her. Screaming, she jumps up and tries to cover herself with the tablecloth, pulling all of the food off the table. One of the candles ignites the Baked Alaska, and the carpet catches on fire. Everybody runs, and within minutes the entire restaurant goes up in flames. You and your boss are separated amidst the chaos, and you have to hitchhike home because he had the airline tickets. Once you arrive back at the office, what do you say or do?
6. Your boss mentions that he’s going to have to move his anvil collection this weekend, and asks for volunteers to help. What do you say or do?

Personality Questions

7. If you were a planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid, which one would you be, and why?
8. Excluding all Americans and English, which major or minor leader or general during World War II do you most resemble in personality, and why?
9. If you could change one thing about your current grocery store, what would it be and why?
10. Tarzan lived during the 1930s, as played by Johnny Weismuller. He’s got to be dead by now. How do you think he died?
11. A priest, a hooker, and Paris Hilton walk into a bar. What happens next?
12. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What number do you think it is?

[KCGridironBeast]

After making my post, I realize that banyon and I think alike. Scary...

[runnercyclist]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I'm thinking about hiring someone, and my lawyer tells me that I need to open up my search beyond merely competent, trained people. So if you'd like to be considered for an exciting career in market research, please answer the following questions in this initial interview. If you answer the questions properly, I'll give you a job.

On your mark, get set, go.

Situational Questions

1. You are at a party, and you meet a brand manager at Burger King. She mentions that she thinks the whole psychotic king ad theme is getting old, but she’s not sure. What do you say or do?

I don't talk to people who work at Burger King.

2. You are in a meeting with the president of the firm, two other senior managers, three other analysts, two interns, and a client who’s picky about their report. Suddenly, a Nazi soldier throws one of those potato masher hand grenades into the room. What do you say or do?

Throw the client on the grenade and blame the interns.

3. You are on a cruise ship with your boss when it hits an old Nazi sea mine and sinks. There are only two life preservers left, and you, your boss, and your boss’s prized rare medieval anvil are alone on the deck. What do you say or do?

Grab the hottest chick and the two life preservers.

4. You and your boss are on your way to an interview. You arrive early and visit the restroom, and while inside you see a pair of feet under a stall and a competitor’s proposal sitting on the counter with another document titled, “Our Top-Secret Plan to Beat [your company]”. What do you say or do?

Wipe with it.

5. You are on a business trip with your boss. At dinner, your boss stands up and accidentally hits a tray being carried by a waiter. The tray tips and the waiter falls. As he goes down, he clutches frantically and accidentally grabs the strapless evening gown of a beautiful woman at the next table, pulling it off of her. Screaming, she jumps up and tries to cover herself with the tablecloth, pulling all of the food off the table. One of the candles ignites the Baked Alaska, and the carpet catches on fire. Everybody runs, and within minutes the entire restaurant goes up in flames. You and your boss are separated amidst the chaos, and you have to hitchhike home because he had the airline tickets. Once you arrive back at the office, what do you say or do?

Oops.

6. Your boss mentions that he’s going to have to move his anvil collection this weekend, and asks for volunteers to help. What do you say or do?

Ride my bike.

Personality Questions

7. If you were a planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid, which one would you be, and why?

The Sun, because the world revolves around me.

8. Excluding all Americans and English, which major or minor leader or general during World War II do you most resemble in personality, and why?

I can't remember.

9. If you could change one thing about your current grocery store, what would it be and why?

Allow beer sales so I could buy beer at the grocery store,- Duh!

10. Tarzan lived during the 1930s, as played by Johnny Weismuller. He’s got to be dead by now. How do you think he died?

Cancer, unfortunately. Perhaps caused by a monkey or Jennifer Lopez's behind.

11. A priest, a hooker, and Paris Hilton walk into a bar. What happens next?

When did Paris become a Priest?

12. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What number do you think it is?

pi

[Bob Dole]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

This is not a job requirement. However, the successful applicant will have to work in Denver, and commuting times should be considered.

Are there travel allowances built-in to the compensation package?

[RealSNR]

I have one or two questions before I answer this:

1. In #7, do you want a specific planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid? And which one is Charon? I missed the ruling on that.

2. Do we have to come within 100 miles of that hellhole called Denver in order to get hired?

[runnercyclist]

Originally Posted by Infidel Goat

The answer to question 9 is that my grocery store would sell beer on Sunday mornings.

I am seriously considering suing the state to change the blue laws; they are a clear violation of the separation of church and state. Honestly, I think I could win the case without a lawyer.

And if I would do that, everyone should just mail me cash.

I'll fax you cash.

[RealSNR]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

This is not a job requirement. However, the successful applicant will have to work in Denver, and commuting times should be considered.

Nevermind. Scratch my #2

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Bob Dole

Are there travel allowances built-in to the compensation package?

We will pay for downtown parking, unless the applicant drives a Big Rig. We will not pay hangar fees for helicopters or planes unless it's one of those Osprey planes.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by SNR

I have one or two questions before I answer this:

1. In #7, do you want a specific planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid? And which one is Charon? I missed the ruling on that.

2. Do we have to come within 100 miles of that hellhole called Denver in order to get hired?

Identification of a specific celestial body is preferred, but a general response is allowable as well.

[Bob Dole]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

We will pay for downtown parking, unless the applicant drives a Big Rig. We will not pay hangar fees for helicopters or planes unless it's one of those Osprey planes.

It's because of Bob Dole's disability, isn't it?

[Hammock Parties]

Where are all these nazis coming from?

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by SNR

Nevermind. Scratch my #2

I'm not going to be tempted into some kind of harassment lawsuit.

[banyon]

Originally Posted by KCGridironBeast

After making my post, I realize that banyon and I think alike. Scary...

Eh, there are probably worse posters here to think like.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Bob Dole

It's because of Bob Dole's disability, isn't it?

My lawyer just checked, and hypereyebrowemia is not recognized as a legal disability.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by GoChiefs

Where are all these nazis coming from?

Bavaria, mostly.

[Fairplay]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

1. You are at a party, and you meet a brand manager at Burger King. She mentions that she thinks the whole psychotic king ad theme is getting old, but she’s not sure. What do you say or do?

Hit on her and give her your extra room key.

2. You are in a meeting with the president of the firm, two other senior managers, three other analysts, two interns, and a client who’s picky about their report. Suddenly, a Nazi soldier throws one of those potato masher hand grenades into the room. What do you say or do?

Run like hell.

3. You are on a cruise ship with your boss when it hits an old Nazi sea mine and sinks. There are only two life preservers left, and you, your boss, and your boss’s prized rare medieval anvil are alone on the deck. What do you say or do?

Cannonball or backflip.

4. You and your boss are on your way to an interview. You arrive early and visit the restroom, and while inside you see a pair of feet under a stall and a competitor’s proposal sitting on the counter with another document titled, “Our Top-Secret Plan to Beat [your company]”. What do you say or do?

Continue to on and go poop.

5. You are on a business trip with your boss. At dinner, your boss stands up and accidentally hits a tray being carried by a waiter. The tray tips and the waiter falls. As he goes down, he clutches frantically and accidentally grabs the strapless evening gown of a beautiful woman at the next table, pulling it off of her. Screaming, she jumps up and tries to cover herself with the tablecloth, pulling all of the food off the table. One of the candles ignites the Baked Alaska, and the carpet catches on fire. Everybody runs, and within minutes the entire restaurant goes up in flames. You and your boss are separated amidst the chaos, and you have to hitchhike home because he had the airline tickets. Once you arrive back at the office, what do you say or do?

Blackmail the boss for his idiocy.

6. Your boss mentions that he’s going to have to move his anvil collection this weekend, and asks for volunteers to help. What do you say or do?

Volunteer to help. Thgen at the last minute call in sick.

Personality Questions

7. If you were a planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid, which one would you be, and why?

Mars. Because thats where im from.

8. Excluding all Americans and English, which major or minor leader or general during World War II do you most resemble in personality, and why?

General Von Thoma

9. If you could change one thing about your current grocery store, what would it be and why?

Free food on Fridays.

10. Tarzan lived during the 1930s, as played by Johnny Weismuller. He’s got to be dead by now. How do you think he died?

He shot himself.

11. A priest, a hooker, and Paris Hilton walk into a bar. What happens next?

Paris makes out with the hooker while the priest spanks his monkey.

12. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What number do you think it is?

50