Application To Date My Daughter

[MTG#10]

Sorry if this is old but I just discovered it for the first time and since I have a 7 year old daughter it made me laugh my ass off.


APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement,
job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________

Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[Mr. Plow]

My daughter is only 6 months old. I'm glad I don't have to worry about this right now. I have figured out why all my girlfriends parents have been "over bearing" though.

[greg63]

Originally Posted by Mr. Plow

My daughter is only 6 months old. I'm glad I don't have to worry about this right now. I have figured out why all my girlfriends parents have been "over bearing" though.

Heh! I'm fortunate in this regard in that I don't have a daughter.

[Mr. Plow]

Originally Posted by greg63

Heh! I'm fortunate in this regard in that I don't have a daughter.

I am pretty lucky in one aspect.....my daughter has 3 older brothers who I am already teaching to protect their sister with their lives.

[kepp]

Originally Posted by greg63

Heh! I'm fortunate in this regard in that I don't have a daughter.

I have two daughters. I am not looking forward to ten years from now

[StcChief]

Good advise glad I don't have a daughter. and I taught my son respect for women.

[cadmonkey]

I'm not having daughters, I know what I think of when I am with some guy's daughter. I'm not having that happen to mine.

[smittysbar]

I have a 1 1/2 year old, not looking forward to little assholes like me and my friends pulling the shit we pulled chasing her some day.

I am hopeful right now that she will either be drastically overweight, or lesbian, which would help me out with the boy situation. LOL

[BucEyedPea]

More evidence that all men are pigs! Even daddy at one time. Otherwise how would he ever know.

[seclark]

got a 22 year old daughter still living at home.
her boyfriend for the last 3years is a pretty good kid. his parents are freaking nutcases though. always calling and wondering what they have planned for their future and such.

i say leave them the hell alone. they're both over 21. they both have pretty good jobs. seem like they're doing all right to me.

hell, when i was their age i had 3kids already.
sec

[smittysbar]

Originally Posted by seclark

got a 22 year old daughter still living at home.
her boyfriend for the last 3years is a pretty good kid. his parents are freaking nutcases though. always calling and wondering what they have planned for their future and such.

i say leave them the hell alone. they're both over 21. they both have pretty good jobs. seem like they're doing all right to me.

hell, when i was their age i had 3kids already.
sec

Damm Sec, you were a baby makin machine.

Or I guess from this area you could have been Amish LOL.

[teedubya]

CadMonkey will probably end up with 3 daughters... each one like Jenna Bush.

[MTG#10]

Its weird, I never wanted a daughter for this very reason but now that I have her I am finding myself more attached to her than my boys. My boys have always preferred my wife but my daughter is daddy's girl. I know this will all change once she gets old enough to date though, she is going to hate me.

[smittysbar]

yep

[BucEyedPea]

I have a very attractive 14 year old daughter with a hot body.
I used to be glad I never had to deal with this stuff and am now.
I still don't act like you dad's with daughters though.
I find it amusing...but not in a bad way.