Chiefs Haleys first team meeting............... - Page 2

cardken · 02-10-2009, 08:07 PM

Thought this was kind of funny,found at www.kissingsuziekobler.com.
Tuesday, February 10th, 2009
Coach Haley Is A Bit Touchy

(Chiefs minicamp)

Scott Pioli: Gather round, everyone. Gather round. Guys, I know you’ve just been through a very difficult year. But I think today represents a fresh start for all of us. We have new leadership and a clear vision for where we want to go. And, with that in mind, I’d like to introduce you all to our new coach, Todd Haley.

(Ferrari door flies open)

(everyone applauds)

Scott Pioli: Coach Haley, it’s wonderful to have you on board.

Todd Haley: Coach? The **** you mean, “coach”? I didn’t toil as a goddamn o-coordinator in the desert all these years not to be called HEAD coach, you bespectacled fat ****.

Pioli: It’s okay, Todd. It’s okay. Do any of you have any questions for HEAD coach Haley?

Tyler Thigpen: Yes, coach. I was wondering when we can expect new playbooks so we can get a head start on learning the new offense.

Haley: What? What, you think I haven’t already thought of that?

Thigpen: No, I just…

Haley: You think I’m some kind of disorganized ****face who wouldn’t already be preparing your playbook for you? What are you, A ****ING reerun? Were your parents reeruned? Did they have drooly reerun sex? What do they do, bang forearms to French kiss or something?

Thigpen: Jesus Christ, that wasn’t what I meant at all.

Pioli: Does anyone else have a question?

Glenn Dorsey: Coach, have you hired a new defensive coordinator yet? Are you planning on changing our scheme to a 3-4 like the Pats have?

Haley: I’m sorry. Does this look like the ****ing Patriot locker room to you?

Dorsey: What?

Haley: ANSWER THE ****ING QUESTION, TITBLISTER.

Dorsey: Um… no?

Haley: No, you are not a Patriot. You are a ****ing Kansas City Chief. And don’t you ever ****ing forget it, OR I WILL SEND YOU HOME IN A ****ING PINE BOX. Do you read me? What are you, color blind or something? Your mother get the color ****ed out of her when she was knocked up with you or something?

Dorsey: I uh…

Brian Waters: Coach, what is the status of Larry Johnson? I know he’s not here today…

Haley: That’s right. He’s not here.

Waters: Yes, that’s what I said.

Haley: You saying I didn’t hear you? **** YOU.

Waters: Wait, I was just asking about LJ’s status is all.

Haley: Well, your buttbuddy LJ isn’t ****ing here. So I’m not worrying about him. If he doesn’t want to be here, that’s his choice. If he wants to be somewhere else, robbing liquor stores for alimony money, that lazy shit can go right ahead.

Waters: I just thought, since he’s one of our most important players.

Haley: Oh, was that your evaluation? ARE YOU A SCOUT?

Waters: No.

Haley: Then how the **** would you know anything? You know what your record was last year, dickwhipper? 2-14. So how ****ing important can any of you pieces of trash be? Jesus, you people are all ugly. At least Phoenix had some attractive people. You people are uglier than a fat chick in a walking boot. HEY, YOU!

Tamba Hali: Me?

Haley: What is your ****ing problem, asshole?

Hali: I didn’t say anything.

Haley: I saw that look you just gave me.

Hali: I wasn’t looking at you.

Haley: You trying to **** my wife?

Hali: What?

Haley: “What? What?” Got shit in your ears? You trying to **** my wife, cocksauce?

Hali: No, I didn’t even know you married.

Haley: What? You can’t read my bio before minicamp? YOU ARE ****ING CUT. My wife is a 10. A TEN. We met on the back bowls at Breckenridge. You have no shot with her if you can’t heliski like I can. NO SHOT. You think you can outshine me? I’m better looking than all of you. I drive an Italian sports car. I know wine. And I’m worth millions of dollars. MILLIONS.

Dorsey: We have money too, you know.

Haley: SHUT THE **** UP. YOU WANNA END UP ON THE BENCH LIKE Q BOLDIN, BUDDY? KEEP IT UP. Next question. YOU.

Dwayne Bowe: I didn’t have a question.

Haley: No curiosity about your own team? PATHETIC. DIE. Next!

Derrick Johnson: Coach, will we be receiving a full minicamp schedule?

Haley: What? You think I didn’t already have a schedule ready? You think I’m unprepared? ARE YOU A ****ING MONKEY?

Johnson: What?

Haley: Hey look, everyone! There’s a monkey in the locker room! OOO OOO OOO AAA AAA AAA!!! I better smear feces on the tackling dummies for our little monkey!

Johnson: Holy shit, you are an asshole.

Pioli: Players, one thing you should know about coach Haley is that he has a very rare form of Asperger’s Syndrome that makes social interaction a bit more… difficult than it is for the rest of us. But Mr. Hunt was always a big supporter of encouraging people with special needs, and this is no exception here. So I want you to accept coach Haley with open arms, and I’m sure he’ll do the same. Right, Coach?

Haley: Whatever. Listen to me, you pieces of shit. I know you boys have been used to a country club environment here, what with Barney Fife in charge before. But that’s all changing now. You see that over there? That’s my office door. It’s never open. It’s always CLOSED. From now on, you’ll speak only when spoken to. And if you have a ****ing question to ask me, you KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. There are no smart questions here. AND IT ISN’T OKAY TO SAY I DON’T KNOW. KNOW YOUR SHIT, OR I’LL CUT YOUR COCK OFF. I have the support of Scott and the ownership. So don’t **** with me. Got me? I’ve coached way cooler players than all of you. I bet most of you won’t be here long. I DON’T GIVE A **** ABOUT YOU. THIS IS HALEY TIME.

(leaves)

Bowe: That guy doesn’t have Asperger’s.

Pioli: Yes he does.

[ Big Daddy Drew ]

DaWolf · 02-10-2009, 10:37 PM

Extra Point · 02-10-2009, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by milkman

What the **** is wrong with you people?

Don't you ****ing know that's our new head coach they are making fun of? And you think it's funny that they are making fun of a guy with a handicap?

Are ****ers that insensitive?

"Noone compares with you." Sinead O'Connor shave herself you emulate you, back in that day, to look like you in a prior day?

Are you asking for it, or what, Milkdud?

RUSH · 02-10-2009, 10:46 PM

Hilarious!

**Bowser** · 02-10-2009, 10:47 PM

Cannibal · 02-10-2009, 10:50 PM

Football humor? Not my cup-o-tea. Not funny.

However, I am SOOO ****in glad Peterson is finally gone. Maybe this team can do something soon.

**KcMizzou** · 02-10-2009, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Extra Point

"Noone compares with you." Sinead O'Connor shave herself you emulate you, back in that day, to look like you in a prior day?

Are you asking for it, or what, Milkdud?

WHAT THE **** IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, PRIVATE PILE?

Ultra Peanut · 02-10-2009, 10:57 PM

So many golden lines, but:

Quote:

Dwayne Bowe: I didn’t have a question.

Haley: No curiosity about your own team? PATHETIC. DIE. Next!

**Bowser** · 02-10-2009, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by milkman

What the **** is wrong with you people?

Don't you ****ing know that's our new head coach they are making fun of? And you think it's funny that they are making fun of a guy with a handicap?

Are ****ers that insensitive?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cannibal

Football humor? Not my cup-o-tea. Not funny.

Ultra Peanut · 02-10-2009, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cannibal

Football humor? Not my cup-o-tea. Not funny.

(a) It's not really football humor
(b) SO'S YOUR FACE

keg in kc · 02-10-2009, 11:06 PM

There's 60 seconds I'll never get back.

Hammock Parties · 02-10-2009, 11:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bowser

Someday...I'm gonna find some chick...who will call me a "god damn sexual tyrannosaur"...and I will secretly videotape it.

Cannibal · 02-11-2009, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bowser

HAHAHA

sportsman1 · 02-11-2009, 07:45 PM

If only Haley did do that. This team might quit acting like a bunch of coddled p***y whipped cock stains from the planet Nannerpuss 7.

Thig Lyfe · 02-11-2009, 07:50 PM

Kissing Suzie Kobler sucks.

Kissing Suzy Kolber, on the other hand, is ****ing hilarious.

milkman · 02-11-2009, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Extra Point

"Noone compares with you." Sinead O'Connor shave herself you emulate you, back in that day, to look like you in a prior day?

Are you asking for it, or what, Milkdud?

I have no idea what the hell you just said here, but I get the distinct impression you and Bowser thought I was being serious.

If so, the "making fun of a guy with a handicap" should have been a tipoff that I wasn't.

02-10-2009, 08:07 PM
cardken Veteran Join Date: Nov 2006 Casino cash: $10004900	Haleys first team meeting............... Thought this was kind of funny,found at www.kissingsuziekobler.com. Tuesday, February 10th, 2009 Coach Haley Is A Bit Touchy (Chiefs minicamp) Scott Pioli: Gather round, everyone. Gather round. Guys, I know you’ve just been through a very difficult year. But I think today represents a fresh start for all of us. We have new leadership and a clear vision for where we want to go. And, with that in mind, I’d like to introduce you all to our new coach, Todd Haley. (Ferrari door flies open) (everyone applauds) Scott Pioli: Coach Haley, it’s wonderful to have you on board. Todd Haley: Coach? The ** you mean, “coach”? I didn’t toil as a goddamn o-coordinator in the desert all these years not to be called HEAD coach, you bespectacled fat . Pioli: It’s okay, Todd. It’s okay. Do any of you have any questions for HEAD coach Haley? Tyler Thigpen: Yes, coach. I was wondering when we can expect new playbooks so we can get a head start on learning the new offense. Haley: What? What, you think I haven’t already thought of that? Thigpen: No, I just… Haley: You think I’m some kind of disorganized face who wouldn’t already be preparing your playbook for you? What are you, A ING reerun? Were your parents reeruned? Did they have drooly reerun sex? What do they do, bang forearms to French kiss or something? Thigpen: Jesus Christ, that wasn’t what I meant at all. Pioli: Does anyone else have a question? Glenn Dorsey: Coach, have you hired a new defensive coordinator yet? Are you planning on changing our scheme to a 3-4 like the Pats have? Haley: I’m sorry. Does this look like the ing Patriot locker room to you? Dorsey: What? Haley: ANSWER THE ING QUESTION, TITBLISTER. Dorsey: Um… no? Haley: No, you are not a Patriot. You are a ing Kansas City Chief. And don’t you ever ing forget it, OR I WILL SEND YOU HOME IN A ING PINE BOX. Do you read me? What are you, color blind or something? Your mother get the color ed out of her when she was knocked up with you or something? Dorsey: I uh… Brian Waters: Coach, what is the status of Larry Johnson? I know he’s not here today… Haley: That’s right. He’s not here. Waters: Yes, that’s what I said. Haley: You saying I didn’t hear you? YOU. Waters: Wait, I was just asking about LJ’s status is all. Haley: Well, your buttbuddy LJ isn’t ing here. So I’m not worrying about him. If he doesn’t want to be here, that’s his choice. If he wants to be somewhere else, robbing liquor stores for alimony money, that lazy shit can go right ahead. Waters: I just thought, since he’s one of our most important players. Haley: Oh, was that your evaluation? ARE YOU A SCOUT? Waters: No. Haley: Then how the would you know anything? You know what your record was last year, dickwhipper? 2-14. So how ing important can any of you pieces of trash be? Jesus, you people are all ugly. At least Phoenix had some attractive people. You people are uglier than a fat chick in a walking boot. HEY, YOU! Tamba Hali: Me? Haley: What is your ing problem, asshole? Hali: I didn’t say anything. Haley: I saw that look you just gave me. Hali: I wasn’t looking at you. Haley: You trying to my wife? Hali: What? Haley: “What? What?” Got shit in your ears? You trying to my wife, cocksauce? Hali: No, I didn’t even know you married. Haley: What? You can’t read my bio before minicamp? YOU ARE ING CUT. My wife is a 10. A TEN. We met on the back bowls at Breckenridge. You have no shot with her if you can’t heliski like I can. NO SHOT. You think you can outshine me? I’m better looking than all of you. I drive an Italian sports car. I know wine. And I’m worth millions of dollars. MILLIONS. Dorsey: We have money too, you know. Haley: SHUT THE UP. YOU WANNA END UP ON THE BENCH LIKE Q BOLDIN, BUDDY? KEEP IT UP. Next question. YOU. Dwayne Bowe: I didn’t have a question. Haley: No curiosity about your own team? PATHETIC. DIE. Next! Derrick Johnson: Coach, will we be receiving a full minicamp schedule? Haley: What? You think I didn’t already have a schedule ready? You think I’m unprepared? ARE YOU A ING MONKEY? Johnson: What? Haley: Hey look, everyone! There’s a monkey in the locker room! OOO OOO OOO AAA AAA AAA!!! I better smear feces on the tackling dummies for our little monkey! Johnson: Holy shit, you are an asshole. Pioli: Players, one thing you should know about coach Haley is that he has a very rare form of Asperger’s Syndrome that makes social interaction a bit more… difficult than it is for the rest of us. But Mr. Hunt was always a big supporter of encouraging people with special needs, and this is no exception here. So I want you to accept coach Haley with open arms, and I’m sure he’ll do the same. Right, Coach? Haley: Whatever. Listen to me, you pieces of shit. I know you boys have been used to a country club environment here, what with Barney Fife in charge before. But that’s all changing now. You see that over there? That’s my office door. It’s never open. It’s always CLOSED. From now on, you’ll speak only when spoken to. And if you have a ing question to ask me, you KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. There are no smart questions here. AND IT ISN’T OKAY TO SAY I DON’T KNOW. KNOW YOUR SHIT, OR I’LL CUT YOUR COCK OFF. I have the support of Scott and the ownership. So don’t with me. Got me? I’ve coached way cooler players than all of you. I bet most of you won’t be here long. I DON’T GIVE A ** ABOUT YOU. THIS IS HALEY TIME. (leaves) Bowe: That guy doesn’t have Asperger’s. Pioli: Yes he does. [ Big Daddy Drew ]
Posts: 1,722

02-10-2009, 10:37 PM	#16
DaWolf Cry havoc... Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $10007725
Posts: 6,798

02-10-2009, 10:46 PM	#18
RUSH Starter Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: NY Casino cash: $10004905	Hilarious!
Posts: 728

02-10-2009, 10:47 PM	#19
Bowser sorta mod-ish Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: KC North Casino cash: $-218384
Posts: 106,884

02-10-2009, 10:50 PM	#20
Cannibal Better to burn out... Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Bible Thumping Country Casino cash: $10010618	Football humor? Not my cup-o-tea. Not funny. However, I am SOOO ****in glad Peterson is finally gone. Maybe this team can do something soon.
Posts: 9,306

02-10-2009, 11:06 PM	#25
keg in kc oxymoron Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: OP/KC/Whatever Casino cash: $9556299	There's 60 seconds I'll never get back.
Posts: 58,682

02-11-2009, 07:45 PM	#28
sportsman1 Nomadical Transient in Chief Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Fort Worth, TX Casino cash: $10005215	If only Haley did do that. This team might quit acting like a bunch of coddled p***y whipped cock stains from the planet Nannerpuss 7.
Posts: 1,456

02-11-2009, 07:50 PM	#29
Thig Lyfe Banned Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Thigpen's America Casino cash: $10004900	Kissing Suzie Kobler sucks. Kissing Suzy Kolber, on the other hand, is ****ing hilarious.
Posts: 25,680

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