The All Things St. Joseph Thread

[Rain Man]

I would consider vacationing in St. Joseph if I knew the following were available:

1. A nice historic area with home tours or guided walking tours.
2. At least three world-class restaurants, with entrees under $20. Or alternatively, a Chili's.
3. An area of great scenic beauty, preferably with a large waterfall, but one that's not really noisy, just tall.
4. Some sort of large archaeological vestige of a lost civilization. It could be a pyramid or it could be something else like a Mahal or a Wat.
5. A bear viewing area, preferably grizzly or polar.
6. A large wargaming convention, but one in which less than 80 percent of attendees aren't kind of weird.
7. At least one cool gimmick hotel, like one made out of ice, or underwater, or in a big treehouse.
8. A high point that offers stunning vistas of the surrounding area. It could be a natural high point like a mountaintop, or it could be a manmade high point like a Space Needle or Washington Monument.
9. A museum that contains one or more of the following: suits of armor, tanks, a display on tribal migration patterns, or a professional football history wing.
10. A festival that nominally celebrates something like Spring or Tuesday, but which informally is a raucous display of female exhibitionism.

Please advise.