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Old 06-25-2015, 07:53 PM  
Saccopoo Saccopoo is offline
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Hey Hootie!! I need some relationship advice!
Hoots, I'm going to lay out a situation. Tell me what you'd do.

It's been about 2.5 years since I've been laid. Basically because I don't care. Animals screw. It's just a base physical act that tends to complicate things in general. And I know. I've been laid plenty prior.

However, this past week, some of my co-workers and myself went out for some drinks to blow off some steam after a brutal couple of weeks and I proceeded to get pretty freaking drunk. Subsequently, I was told my no less than three girls that night that they had crushes on me. Probably something you don't want to tell a guy who hasn't been laid in two and a half years who's been drinking hard for four hours. Anyway, I now have naked pictures on my phone of four women (aged 19, 23, 38, 47) and I kinda made out that night with another one who is best friends with the 38 year old who is dating one of my good friends. (Who has subsequently asked me if I wanted to take her swimming while her boyfriend was at work.)

Also, I might or might not have had sex with the 23 year old in the back seat of a guys car who was the designated driver that night while he was driving us home.

So, what would you do in such a situation? I ask you because I'm looking for some solid, objective advice versus some horrible moralistic bullshit that I know I'm going to get from some of the other dudes around here. And it sounds like a situation you would have put yourself in at one time or another. Help me out bro.
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Old 06-25-2015, 08:44 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Hootie 2.0 View Post
You think I use condoms?
I know, what was I thinking.
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Old 06-25-2015, 08:52 PM   #32
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Old 06-25-2015, 09:06 PM   #33
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If Hootie ever banged a chick that posted on Chiefsplanet, I bet she said,"Peyton Manning sucks! Tom Brady is the best!" to get Hootie to go all in on her choking and forceful sex fetish.
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Old 06-25-2015, 09:09 PM   #34
Don Corlemahomes Don Corlemahomes is offline
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Originally Posted by Saccopoo View Post
Actually, before that I had a five year abstinence streak going.
Holy shit. How do you live through that? My girlfriedn holds off for a week and I go through withdrawals.

****. That. I would not trade 5 years (or 2.5, for that matter) to get ****ed by four chicks and then abstain again.

NO
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Old 06-25-2015, 09:58 PM   #35
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Old 06-25-2015, 10:19 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saccopoo View Post
Hoots, I'm going to lay out a situation. Tell me what you'd do.

It's been about 2.5 years since I've been laid. Basically because I don't care. Animals screw. It's just a base physical act that tends to complicate things in general. And I know. I've been laid plenty prior.

However, this past week, some of my co-workers and myself went out for some drinks to blow off some steam after a brutal couple of weeks and I proceeded to get pretty freaking drunk. Subsequently, I was told my no less than three girls that night that they had crushes on me. Probably something you don't want to tell a guy who hasn't been laid in two and a half years who's been drinking hard for four hours. Anyway, I now have naked pictures on my phone of four women (aged 19, 23, 38, 47) and I kinda made out that night with another one who is best friends with the 38 year old who is dating one of my good friends. (Who has subsequently asked me if I wanted to take her swimming while her boyfriend was at work.)

Also, I might or might not have had sex with the 23 year old in the back seat of a guys car who was the designated driver that night while he was driving us home.

So, what would you do in such a situation? I ask you because I'm looking for some solid, objective advice versus some horrible moralistic bullshit that I know I'm going to get from some of the other dudes around here. And it sounds like a situation you would have put yourself in at one time or another. Help me out bro.
Sounds to me like you had a good night. Anybody hating on that is just hating to hate.

Now the real question is do you not remember banging the 23 year old in the back seat because it'd been 2.5 years and lasted about the same length of time it takes to unzip a zipper or because you were smashed?
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Old 06-25-2015, 10:52 PM   #37
LoneWolf LoneWolf is online now
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This is just ****ing weird, man.

Even I get laid once in 2.5 years.
Of course you do. That Boba Fett costume has to be a guarantee for pussy at Comi-con every year.
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Old 06-25-2015, 11:08 PM   #38
Psyko Tek Psyko Tek is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saccopoo View Post
Actually, before that I had a five year abstinence streak going. A similar thing happened and I hit a hot streak with dating three girls at the same time to bust that one.

It's just how it happens with me. Miles and miles of desert and then an oasis pops up that has unlimited Mai Tai's served by topless waitresses.

So, Hootie, why dump the older two of the four ladies? Both are pretty attractive. I'm sure you won't be able to bounce a dime off their ass like you can with the 19 and 23 year old, but shit man, as long as I'm slumpbusting I was thinking that I should just go for broke. I'm even thinking about banging my friends chick as well. Great cans.
my worthless opinion, is **** THEM ALL
well start relationships with the young ones, play neeked twister with the older ones
and then go for getting any 2 adventurous one together for a 3 way
film the whole thing and then use the video proceeds to fund the planet
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Old 06-26-2015, 05:07 AM   #39
ShortRoundChief ShortRoundChief is offline
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Originally Posted by Psyko Tek View Post
my worthless opinion, is **** THEM ALL
well start relationships with the young ones, play neeked twister with the older ones
and then go for getting any 2 adventurous one together for a 3 way
film the whole thing and then use the video proceeds to fund the planet
Can you say new server?
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Old 06-26-2015, 05:25 AM   #40
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You really want to see a fat vegan ****ing an imaginary, whale of a woman?
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Old 06-26-2015, 06:51 AM   #41
WhiteWhale WhiteWhale is offline
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Asking Hootie for relationship advice?

Am I the only person who sees through the fake PUA bullshit he plays at? He probably goes hunting for women dressed like Menuto.
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Old 06-26-2015, 06:52 AM   #42
WhiteWhale WhiteWhale is offline
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Originally Posted by Saccopoo View Post
Actually, before that I had a five year abstinence streak going. A similar thing happened and I hit a hot streak with dating three girls at the same time to bust that one.

It's just how it happens with me. Miles and miles of desert and then an oasis pops up that has unlimited Mai Tai's served by topless waitresses.

So, Hootie, why dump the older two of the four ladies? Both are pretty attractive. I'm sure you won't be able to bounce a dime off their ass like you can with the 19 and 23 year old, but shit man, as long as I'm slumpbusting I was thinking that I should just go for broke. I'm even thinking about banging my friends chick as well. Great cans.
HE's not your friend. Obviously.

If you consider him a friend, and make a conscious decision to bang his woman, you're a piece of shit. Get your own ass loser. Don't snipe it from people who trust you.
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Old 06-26-2015, 07:00 AM   #43
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Originally Posted by Psyko Tek View Post
my worthless opinion, is **** THEM ALL
well start relationships with the young ones, play neeked twister with the older ones
and then go for getting any 2 adventurous one together for a 3 way
film the whole thing and then use the video proceeds to fund the planet
Solid take.

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Originally Posted by WhiteWhale View Post
HE's not your friend. Obviously.

If you consider him a friend, and make a conscious decision to bang his woman, you're a piece of shit. Get your own ass loser. Don't snipe it from people who trust you.
With this exception. Don't bang a buddy's girlfriend.
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Old 06-26-2015, 08:04 AM   #44
KCTitus KCTitus is offline
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I've had so much urine and blood on me over the years I think I'm immune to any disease, fungus, or sickness. I'm like the love cockroach.
Apparently....I'm immune from venom....
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Old 06-26-2015, 08:45 PM   #45
Saccopoo Saccopoo is offline
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Sounds to me like you had a good night. Anybody hating on that is just hating to hate.

Now the real question is do you not remember banging the 23 year old in the back seat because it'd been 2.5 years and lasted about the same length of time it takes to unzip a zipper or because you were smashed?
I'm trying to decide if I want to acknowledge that actual sex happened - or not. Because the real terror started today in that I got the "overly friendly" text.

Man, I'm not sure I want to bang any of them now. I don't know if the momentary burst of euphoria is worth the whole "relationship" thing.

Hootie, I'm curious how I actually bang the living daylights out of them without any of them getting into girlfriend mode. And how do I parlay that into the drunk 1 text message guaranteed booty call?

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You really want to see a fat vegan ****ing an imaginary, whale of a woman?
I'm not fat.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWhale View Post
Asking Hootie for relationship advice?

Am I the only person who sees through the fake PUA bullshit he plays at? He probably goes hunting for women dressed like Menuto.
I asked Hootie because I know that he's put himself, or, at the very least imagined himself, into such situations. I was looking for objective, experienced advice.

If I wanted to learn how to make a poll, I ask Rainman.

If I wanted to know the fat percentages of skim versus whole milk, I ask Milkman.

If I wanted to know the codpiece size of the seventh Stormtrooper on the left of the Emperor three rows deep in the Director's cut of The Empire Strikes Back, I ask GoChiefs.

If I wanted to know what to do with four skanks wanting me to bang them as a result of a single, drunken night of filth ridden debauchery, you are goddamn right I'm asking Hootie.

You go to the experts for expert advice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWhale View Post
HE's not your friend. Obviously.

If you consider him a friend, and make a conscious decision to bang his woman, you're a piece of shit. Get your own ass loser. Don't snipe it from people who trust you.
I'm pretty sure that he'd make every attempt to bang whatever girl I would be dating, so I'm not sure that level of morality really applies in this particular situation. (Again, this is why I asked Hootie. I know that most guys would find such behavior appalling. Other, more "enlightened" individuals, would provide a more objective, analytic opinion on the situation.)

Again, I'm really starting to overthink the situation and I'm not really sure that banging any of them is a really good idea.

Perhaps I want to save myself and the experience for someone special.
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