Ask Iowanian. Pt II, the Keyboard of Doom

[Iowanian]

If you've got a problem, yo Ahll Solve it, check out my hooks, while DJ revolves it..tss tss ts tss tst

If Dr Laura, Dr Phil or Ann Landers couldn't help you.....Serve it up.


Its the offseason, the board needs something other than politics. This thread, and the answers will go where you take it. A serious Question....I'll try to help, and or rely on others......A not serious question....You'll get what you ask for.


disclaimer: Iowanian is not a licensed Doctor, Psychologist or anything else. No responsibility shall be taken by advisors on any issue within the thread. The answer "I have no #@%&* idea " is valid and acceptable for these purposes. If the thread sucks, it shall fade into planet oblivion.

[Iowanian]

Talisman.....

In a follow up to your previous question, I felt inclined to express how strongly I felt about the answer. I fear that you couldn't comprehend what I actually meant by written word, so I have demonstrated in Picture format what will happen if you don't stand firm on this issue.

[KCWolfman]

My brother thinks he is a mule. Should I feel guilty about having him pull a plow every spring?

[RealSNR]

Dr. Iowanian:

My life is perfect. Help me find a problem so I can get a question answered on here!

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by SNR

Dr. Iowanian:

My life is perfect. Help me find a problem so I can get a question answered on here!

I think the problem is obvious. Its -327 Degrees in Fargo today. Your brain is frozen and you're not thinking clearly. Otherwise, you might be asking how to mask the fact that one of your eyes sits higher on your head, one of your ears is half again bigger than the other, the combover isn't working for you. The magic 8ball tells me that your fly is open.

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by KCWolfman

My brother thinks he is a mule. Should I feel guilty about having him pull a plow every spring?

Ettiquette would indicate that this practice is acceptable, but only if you use him for some charity work also. Having him plow a vacant lot that he's cleaned up for a community garden is a grand idea.

The real comment should be about your actions though. I think the fact that you believe that having your brother pull you back and forth in the Foodbarn parking lot in a grocery cart is pulling a plow, indicates a need for the help of a mental health professional.

On the other hand, I can see how it might be fun. It may also be enjoyable to have him pull the kids and sleds back up the hill during winter sledding.

Spare the Rod and Spoil the Broad-er.

[Talisman]

Dr I,

Sally is now twice Susan's age. In five years, Susan will be two years younger than Sally is now. Five years ago, Susan was seven years younger than Sally was. How old are they now?

Mathematically Challenged

[seclark]

iowa...it's -2degrees outside this morning. how long can i leave my beer outside before it freezes? if needed, i can call my wifes office and she can come home and bring it back inside to me, but i don't want her to miss too much work, so timing is crucial.
regards,
sec

[Baby Lee]

Dear Dr. Iowanian;

A rope lying over the top of a fence is the same length on each side. It weighs one third of a pound per foot. On one end hangs a monkey holding a banana, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of the monkey. The banana weighs two ounces per inch. The rope is as long (in feet) as the age of the monkey (in years), and the weight of the monkey (in ounces) is the same as the age of the monkey's mother. The combined age of the monkey and its mother is thirty years. One half of the weight of the monkey, plus the weight of the banana, is one forth as much as the weight of the weight and the weight of the rope. The monkey's mother is half as old as the monkey will be when it is three times as old as its mother was when she she was half as old as the monkey will be when when it is as old as its mother will be when she is four times as old as the monkey was when it was twice as its mother was when she was one third as old as the monkey was when it was old as is mother was when she was three times as old as the monkey was when it was one fourth as old as it is now.


How long is the banana?

[Talisman]

Originally Posted by Baby Lee

Dear Dr. Iowanian;

A rope lying over the top of a fence is the same length on each side. It weighs one third of a pound per foot. On one end hangs a monkey holding a banana, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of the monkey. The banana weighs two ounces per inch. The rope is as long (in feet) as the age of the monkey (in years), and the weight of the monkey (in ounces) is the same as the age of the monkey's mother. The combined age of the monkey and its mother is thirty years. One half of the weight of the monkey, plus the weight of the banana, is one forth as much as the weight of the weight and the weight of the rope. The monkey's mother is half as old as the monkey will be when it is three times as old as its mother was when she she was half as old as the monkey will be when when it is as old as its mother will be when she is four times as old as the monkey was when it was twice as its mother was when she was one third as old as the monkey was when it was old as is mother was when she was three times as old as the monkey was when it was one fourth as old as it is now.


How long is the banana?

I'm guessing you have a 3" banana.

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by Talisman

Dr I,

Sally is now twice Susan's age. In five years, Susan will be two years younger than Sally is now. Five years ago, Susan was seven years younger than Sally was. How old are they now?

Mathematically Challenged

Susan is 14 and Sally is 7.

Now...the rest of the lesson is that math problems like this only occur in school. Never in the real world. This information is just taking up space in your brain that could be used to remember that square, square, Triangle, Circle circle Square is the Finishing move for the Blue guy on Mortal Kombat.

Iowanian is not a mathematician and will assume any further mathematic questions are intentional provocation.

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by seclark

iowa...it's -2degrees outside this morning. how long can i leave my beer outside before it freezes? if needed, i can call my wifes office and she can come home and bring it back inside to me, but i don't want her to miss too much work, so timing is crucial.
regards,
sec

Sec,
This is both a serious and Tragic situation. My heart goes out to you. It has been my experience that leaving beer outside for more than an hour in negative temperatures will result in frozen and foamy beer. Whoa to those who leave that beer out in the wind, as it shall be rendered useless in 45 minutes. I'd recommend tellin SheClark to hop out of the tub and run herself out to save that beer.

I'm a conservationist though.

I am currently experiencing an intense pressure in my rectal area. I feel as though I am ready to explode. But, I'm out of toilet paper. What should I do?

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by Baby Lee

Dear Dr. Iowanian;

A rope lying over the top of a fence is the same length on each side. It weighs one third of a pound per foot. On one end hangs a monkey holding a banana, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of the monkey. The banana weighs two ounces per inch. The rope is as long (in feet) as the age of the monkey (in years), and the weight of the monkey (in ounces) is the same as the age of the monkey's mother. The combined age of the monkey and its mother is thirty years. One half of the weight of the monkey, plus the weight of the banana, is one forth as much as the weight of the weight and the weight of the rope. The monkey's mother is half as old as the monkey will be when it is three times as old as its mother was when she she was half as old as the monkey will be when when it is as old as its mother will be when she is four times as old as the monkey was when it was twice as its mother was when she was one third as old as the monkey was when it was old as is mother was when she was three times as old as the monkey was when it was one fourth as old as it is now.

How long is the banana?

It is impossible to calculate the answer, as the Monkey had eaten the banana by the time the question was fielded.


Unfortunately, we were unable to compile an answer to this dilema. Iowanian was disgusted that the monkey was eating his own feces and throwing vomit at him while trying to survey the situation.

Research has indicated that the good news for the Monkey, according to his proctologist, is that he no longer is property of the Zoo of Sweeden.

[Talisman]

Originally Posted by Dr. Iowanian

This information is just taking up space in your brain that could be used to remember that square, square, Triangle, Circle circle Square is the Finishing move for the Blue guy on Mortal Kombat.

Doc,

I have an extra $50 lying around from that kidney I sold and was wondering what video game I should purchase. You seem to have some knowledge in this area. Are there any must-have games out right now that you would recommend I pick up?

Jonesing for Games

[Mark M]

Dear Dr. Iowanian ...

The Mrs. and I are expecting our first child in August. I know I am the father (DNA test) and a sonogram convinced us that we're having a boy (either that, or the kid is holding a baseball bat).

The problem is that we can't agree on a name. I like Joshua, she likes Ayden. What should we name him?

Sincerely,

Nameless in North KC