The Pitch trying to call out Chiefs as being racists

[Rain Man]

NFC North next.

Bears - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Bears is fine.

Lions - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Lions is fine.

Packers - Treading dangerously close to the LGBTQ line, and the original Packers were named after the Indian Packing Company. That's therefore a hard pass. Indian Packing was purchased soon thereafter by Acme Packing, and of course the Acme Corporation's biggest client is Wile E. Coyote. So change it to Coyotes.

Vikings - While it's kind of a profession, it's mostly an ethnic/nationalist identifier. Can't do that. So what else is Minnesota known far? I think Minnesota has ermines and snow, but we probably can't embrace too much white stuff. They have cold, but what's dangerous about cold? Got it - Minnesota is the Frostbite.

NFC North becomes:

Chicago Bears
Detroit Lions
Green Bay Coyotes
Minnesota Frostbite

[Rain Man]

NFC South next.

Falcons - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Falcons can stay.

Panthers - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Panthers can stay.

Saints - Way too eurocentric and religious. I'm surprised there's not been a lot of pushback on this. As far as new names, Mardi Gras names will be offensive to women who don't like the toplessness traditions, so we can't use those. The Louisiana Purchase is obviously about European conquest, so that's a no. I think our only option is Shrimp as a regional identifier. Maybe you could go with Beignets, but doughnuts aren't very scary. Shrimp it is. (Or is it shrimps?)

Buccaneers - This is a tough one. Buccaneer is a profession, and I think the term applies to both men and women. I've never heard of a female word for Buccaneer. However, the name does promote crime. and we're all against crime unless we're the ones doing it. So Buccaneers is out. What else is central Florida known for? Seniors, of course, and Early Bird dinner specials. Early Birds would be an awesome name, so let's go with that.

NFC South:

Atlanta Falcons
Carolina Panthers
New Orleans Shrimp
Tampa Bay Early Birds

[Megatron96]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

NFC South next.

Falcons - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Falcons can stay.

Panthers - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Panthers can stay.

Saints - Way too eurocentric and religious. I'm surprised there's not been a lot of pushback on this. As far as new names, Mardi Gras names will be offensive to women who don't like the toplessness traditions, so we can't use those. The Louisiana Purchase is obviously about European conquest, so that's a no. I think out only option is Shrimp as a regional identifier. Maybe you could go with Beignets, but doughnuts aren't very scary. Shrimp it is. (Or is it shrimps?)

Buccaneers - This is a tough one. Buccaneer is a profession, and I think the term applies to both men and women. I've never heard of a female word for Buccaneer. However, the name does promote crime. and we're all against crime unless we're the ones doing it. So Buccaneers is out. What else is central Florida known for? Seniors, of course, and Early Bird dinner specials. Early Birds would be an awesome name, so let's go with that.

NFC South:

Atlanta Falcons
Carolina Panthers
New Orleans Shrimp
Tampa Bay Early Birds

NO/Louisiana is probably better known for crawfish than shrimp. So, maybe "Crawdads"? probably too gender specific . . . "Mudbugs"? "Yabbies"?

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Megatron96

NO/Louisiana is probably better known for crawfish than shrimp. So, maybe "Crawdads"? probably too gender specific . . . "Mudbugs"? "Yabbies"?

Is etoufee shrimp or crawfish? I'm open to crawfish, though as you noted, crawdads is a nonstarter.

[Megatron96]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Is etoufee shrimp or crawfish? I'm open to crawfish, though as you noted, crawdads is a nonstarter.

"Etouffee" is a style of dish. literally means "smothered." Essentially Etouffee refers to the sauce/gravy used. I like crawfish etouffee a lot more than i like shrimp Etouffee.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Megatron96

"Etouffee" is a style of dish. literally means "smothered." Essentially Etouffee refers to the sauce/gravy used. I like crawfish etouffee a lot more than i like shrimp Etouffee.

We can put it up to a vote, then. I have no concerns about either name.

[Rain Man]

NFC West.

Cardinals - It's kind of a dumb name for the desert, but there's tradition there. The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Cardinals can stay.

Rams - Again, have there ever been Rams in Los Angeles? The name is fine from an animal perspective, but not from a gender perspective. It's too male-centric. We'll default back to the more inclusive name of Sheep.

Seahawks - The NFC West is really bad at animals. I don't think this is even a real animal, so it needs to be renamed. Seattle is known for coffee, vagrants, commercial aircraft, and salmon. Let's go with Salmon for the alliterative ring. It sounds way better than the current name, too.

49ers - Nope. Manifest Destiny doesn't fly in the modern world, and the 49ers most likely did a lot of environmental damage to boot. San Francisco is known for the gay community, vagrants, Alcatraz, and the bay. Prisons are not good from a racial equity standpoint, and we can't narrow in on the gay and vagrant populations. What else is big there? Bridges, but you can't go with "Bridgers" since that's reminiscent of mountain man Jim Bridger, who brought a white presence to native lands. Chinatown is obviously out of play. "Bay" reminds one of Bayer, which is German and big pharma, and we can't do anything Tech related due to their reputation for misogyny. Earthquakes will trigger people, and Trolleys could have an income stigma. They probably should just move this team, but if you have to go with a name, I think you go with the Coasters since being on the coast is the only thing that's not offensive about the city.

NFC West:

Arizona Cardinals
Los Angeles Sheep
Seattle Salmon
San Francisco Coasters

[Rain Man]

AFC East.

Bills - Glorifying a gun-carrying white guy who brought a large mammal species to the brink of extinction. How is this happening in the 21st century? This one's easy. Let's honor the victims instead with Buffalo.

Dolphins - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. And dolphins are smart enough that they can file suit if they don't like it. Dolphins stays.

Jets - This one seems easy unless you've ever lived in a country that was bombed by jets. We can remove the war aspect and keep the wondrous travel aspect alive with a simple change to jetliners. But how does 9/11 fit this narrative? I don't like it. Let's move from the technology to the experience and go with Travelers. It matches the international flavor the city. (I guess you could also go with Immigrants in that regard, but New York was mostly European immigrants, so that's a soft no.)

Patriots - Obviously too political. The name has been co-opted by the far right. And patriots are also known for following founding fathers, many of whom were slave holders. (Maybe not so much in Massachusetts, but you get the drift.) And these people framed Native Americans for the Boston Tea Party. No thank you. Boston's identity is through history, so we can hearken back to the past with a name like Redskins or Beaneaters. The more I think about it, probably not Redskins so let's go with Beaneaters. It's race and gender neutral.

AFC East

Buffalo Buffalo
Miami Dolphins
New York Travelers
Boston Beaneaters

[candyman]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Patriots - Obviously too political. The name has been co-opted by the far right. And patriots are also known for following founding fathers, many of whom were slave holders. (Maybe not so much in Massachusetts, but you get the drift.) And these people framed Native Americans for the Boston Tea Party. No thank you. Boston's identity is through history, so we can hearken back to the past with a name like Redskins or Beaneaters. The more I think about it, probably not Redskins so let's go with Beaneaters. It's race and gender neutral.

Do you really think its sensitive to call them the Beaneaters? What if they have Hispanic players on the team? Maybe they should just be the Boston Football Team.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by candyman

Do you really think its sensitive to call them the Beaneaters? What if they have Hispanic players on the team?

Hmm, I'm not up on my racial slurs. I thought Beaneaters were universal. I could consider changing it to Boston Lobsters if that wouldn't anger Maine.

[candyman]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Hmm, I'm not up on my racial slurs. I thought Beaneaters were universal. I could consider changing it to Boston Lobsters if that wouldn't anger Maine.

I dont think "beaneater" is necessarily a racial slur, but it would definitely offend someone eventually.

[Rain Man]

AFC North

Ravens - Animal rights again. But Ravens can stay.

Browns - Oh, come on. Who's doing this stuff? Replace this immediately. There's an obvious replacement in Eries, which sounds really cool, but apparently that's a local Indian tribe so we have to eliminate it. Cleveland's a tough one when you think about what it offers - Lebrons is too black-centric, Sausages is too Polish-centric, DrewCareys is too white-centric. You could go with Lakers, but that's already taken. There are a lot of presidents from that area, but they're all white male presidents and half of them were assassinated. Cleveland's heyday was in the Gilded age with big, smoking factories that were environmental and worker rights issues. They really should move this team, but perhaps you can build around their proximity to the birthplace of the NFL in Canton. I'd go with the Cleveland Historians.

Bengals - Stop trying to get fancy. Are you really differentiating between Bengal Tigers and other breeds of tigers? That's being separatist and non-inclusive of Siberian Tigers and Sumatran Tigers, and it also shows a pro-India bias. Just make it Tigers.

Steelers - Is that even a word? And in spoken terms it glamorizes petty crime. There's no reason you can't honor the profession and keep it gender and race-neutral by going with Steelworkers.

So the AFC North is...

Baltimore Ravens
Cleveland Historians
Cincinnati Tigers
Pittsburgh Steelworkers

[Rain Man]

AFC South

Texans. At first it seems innocuous. But Mexican-Americans living in Texas use the term Tejanos, so Texans as a term excludes them. And then you've got that whole history of Texas fighting with Mexico which isn't very internationalist. So let's rework it. What's big in Houston? Oil is, but naming the team the Oilers isn't environmentally conscious. They're well known for bad zoning and mosquitos, so I think Mosquitos could work. But what really scares people about Houston? I think we all know, and it makes for a nice alliterative name. The Humidity.

Colts - Name the team after an adult animal, for crying out loud. Colts will work, but at least be a horse. Are you trying to intimidate opponents or not?

Jaguars - This one is a little risky since it could be seen as cultural appropriate from the Aztecs. But on the surface I think it can stand up to scrutiny since the jaguar symbol isn't wearing Aztec finery or standing on a pyramid. This one can stand.

Titans - Eurocentric mythology. That's a no. Thumbtacks could work, but that's kind of circular logic. You can't go with anything related to country music since that's a redneck thing. Tennessee was a rebellious state in the Civil War, so you have to eliminate any references there. What else is Tennessee known for? Moon pies and goo goo clusters are probably already copyrighted. I'm kind of stumped. Looking through some documents about things that are specific to Tennessee, I see the Tennessee Trillium, which is a very rare flowering plant that exists in only two Tennessee counties. Lacking any other options, I'll go with the Trilliums.

AFC South is now:

Houston Humidity
Indianapolis Horses
Jacksonville Jaguars
Tennessee Trilliums

[ChiefsFanatic]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

AFC South



Texans. At first it seems innocuous. But Mexican-Americans living in Texas use the term Tejanos, so Texans as a term excludes them. And then you've got that whole history of Texas fighting with Mexico which isn't very internationalist. So let's rework it. What's big in Houston? Oil is, but naming the team the Oilers isn't environmentally conscious. They're well known for bad zoning and mosquitos, so I think Mosquitos could work. But what really scares people about Houston? I think we all know, and it makes for a nice alliterative name. The Humidity.



Colts - Name the team after an adult animal, for crying out loud. Colts will work, but at least be a horse. Are you trying to intimidate opponents or not?



Jaguars - This one is a little risky since it could be seen as cultural appropriate from the Aztecs. But on the surface I think it can stand up to scrutiny since the jaguar symbol isn't wearing Aztec finery or standing on a pyramid. This one can stand.



Titans - Eurocentric mythology. That's a no. Thumbtacks could work, but that's kind of circular logic. You can't go with anything related to country music since that's a redneck thing. Tennessee was a rebellious state in the Civil War, so you have to eliminate any references there. What else is Tennessee known for? Moon pies and goo goo clusters are probably already copyrighted. I'm kind of stumped. Looking through some documents about things that are specific to Tennessee, I see the Tennessee Trillium, which is a very rare flowering plant that exists in only two Tennessee counties. Lacking any other options, I'll go with the Trilliums.



AFC South is now:



Houston Humidity

Indianapolis Horses

Jacksonville Jaguars

Tennessee Trilliums

I think you missed the obvious name for Tennessee, which is the Tennessee Whiskey, because of Jack Daniel's and all.

I would say that the name Whiskey could be insensitive to people suffering from alcoholism, but football and alcohol are married to each other, so I think it could stand.

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[displacedinMN]

Inside the brain of Rain Man must be an experience.