Raising the Office Party Debacle to a new level

[cadmonkey]

OK, I've been here for a while and some people know I have a pretty bad reputation when it comes to the booze, drugs, and partying. I really haven't said much lately and feel that I need to let some of the newer members in on some of the fun.

For you older memebers.......keep your "shut up you skin head nazi motherfucker" comments quiet. Some n00bs don't need to hear that shit. but some of you want to hear some back stories:

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=104842

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=121868

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...93#post2270193

and the one of me being a skin head I can't find..........anyways, here is the latest horror story as taken from an email I wrote to my buddies:

I must say that I am a little upset that I didn’t make it to the Festivus party. I think I am more upset that I actually attended my Holiday Party at all…….and before I tell this story just understand that I may infact be looking for a new job soon……..and might have a broken thumb.



So the night was going as well as could be expected, open bar, casino night, and good times had by most. Then after my 10th Gin and Tonic, one girl (some of you know who I am talking about) pulls me aside and tells me “we need to talk about something”. She brings me to the second floor of the two story lobby that the gambling tables are set up in. I’m figuring she is going to explain to me why she has been acting really weird the past days and why she was avoiding my phone calls earlier that day. Well she drops a bomb, “I just want to tell you that I’m seeing our boss.” Mine you she is going through a divorce and our boss is married. I’m not really sure what the reaction she was looking for was but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the one I gave.



Not sure what the order was but, I called her wh0re, then I called her fucking joke, put my fist through a wall, blood EVERYWHERE, she started crying and curled up into the fetal position on the couch and told me to go away. I’ve never seen someone so terrified in my life…….until I got to my boss. But I’ll get to that. I go back down to the party and get another drink. My buddy Kevin sees that there is blood pouring from my hand. He takes me to my room to clean up, but on the way I see the guy who I knocked out over the summer at a cookout run past us and up to my friend on the couch.



I wash my hand off, but it won’t stop bleeding. We say fuck it and go back to the party. Not sure who looked for whom but before I know it I have my boss pinned in a corner, my finger in his face, blood still running down my hand telling him he’s a piece of sh*t who is taking advantage of someone in a bad situation. He tells me “obviously no one can find out about this seeing how I am married. I have very strong feeling for her and would hate if something happened to ruin this”



Seeing how I am now in complete rage and a physical mess, Kevin decided I should probably call it a night and go back to my room. As we are heading back there he tells me that the dipsh*t I that was on the couch comforting her is now looking for me, Kevin told him it was probably very wise to stay clear of me. We actually have to walk past the two of them, still on the couch, and the bloody hole in the wall in order to get to my room. But now my boss is also there and I can’t help myself but laugh and say “isn’t that cute.” We get to my room to find that I have been locked out. They shut both my keys off. I had to go to the front desk and tell them I lost my keys, the guy giving me the new one saw that they just locked me out but didn’t want to deal with me and just gave me a new one anyways.



Fast forward about an hour…………we’re hanging out in one girl’s room, about 8 or 9 of us, and she tells me to get on the bed so she came rub my back. At this point I can barley stand up and fall as I am heading to the bed. On the way to the floor my hand swipes across one girl’s nice new dress, giving it a nice red streak across the b00b area. “I think we should call house keeping and get matt some bandages for his hand.” Anyways the next thing I know I wake up in bed, alone with a nice new text from guess who. It says “I need you to respect my privacy and tell no one about this.” Well seeing I told just about all of our friends what happened I’m pretty sure that’s going to be tough. I get out of bed and see what destruction I did to my room after I left that other girl’s room. Pillows thrown every where, beer cans everwhere, “is that puke on the ground?” yup it was. I go to the fridge and crack a cold beer and start making some calls. I meet a few friends down for breakfast and of course the entire restaurant is filled with work people all looking at me and talking.



I think I just raised the bar when it comes to the Holiday Party debacle. I may have to look for a new job, needless to say.

So last night I went to the hospital to get some x-rays done. I’m waiting in the emergency room when I hear a girl’s voice say “ok matthew are you ready?” the curtain opens up and I think I recognize the girl. She looks at me and realizes she knows me too, we worked at the mall together for a few months. She takes me to the x-ray room and starts taking some photos. We’re flirting with each other the whole time until she takes me back to the waiting room. A few minutes later she comes back with a CD, she tells me that she isn’t supposed to do this but she saved the x-rays to the disk if I wanted to look at them at home, and I really wanted to I could call the phone number on the back and meet her for drinks some time. Nothing better than getting picked up at the hospital

.....and yes, after the holiday craziness is over with i have a date with her.