Analyzing the Analysts

[MahiMike]

Someone just mentioned Jimmy Johnson for GM or HC. I've thought about him and others and figured I'd throw out my analysis of the analysts around the league. Years ago, they actually had guys with 4 year communication degrees doing these jobs. Now it's any jock with star power. Some of them add to the team. Others should be sitting on the bench.

Jimmy Johnson? Hell yea! Why not? The guy's a winner. Rather see him as HC though. While we're at it, let's rank the other TV analysts for both their current and possible
future jobs. Course, any of these guys would be stupid to give up their current cushy gigs with no stress. But hey, maybe.

ESPN/ABC

Jaws - Let's start from the top. Best play analyst on TV hands down. Would make a great consultant, ala Steve Walsh. Perfect offensive coordinator. Possible GM.

Tom Jackson - in a word - Boring. He may know what he's talking about but I can't stay awake long enough to listen. Not sure what he brings to the table besides his fork.

MeShawn - People like T.O. knock his commentator skills. But I say he's a better commentator than he ever was a WR. I'd sign the guy to help with our WR's.

Cris Carter - This guy had great hands.

Mike Ditka - This guy had great hands.

Mark Schlereth - I really like this guy. Even if he did play for the hated Broncos. But I think he's second to Jaws at his analysis. Love to have him coach the OL. He
could teach our guys how to pull the guards and chop block.

Boomer - He...could...go...all...the...way! (to the buffet)

FOX

Terry Bradshaw - Would be a great QB coach. And a helluva lotta fun in the locker room.

Jimmy Johnson - He knows his stuff. Sometimes has "out there" ideas but I'm sure whatever he comes up with he could make work. I'd take him as HC in a heartbeat.

Howie Long - Can you think of a better DL coach?

Michael Strahan - Too new. But a great addition to the FOX team, IMO. Great personality and no stage fright.

CBS

Marino - Worst commentator on TV. Worse than Montana. Yeah, that bad. It's like he's back in Miami and nobody wants to tell him he sucks. I don't think he could even coach the QB's because nobody has the quick release he does while standing in concrete.

Shannon Sharpe (aka big lips) - My disdain for this idiot can't be expressed enough. He's nothing but a head with lips too big to speak. When he does speak, it's usually
about himself. He's awful. I wouldn't trust him to coach the TE's.

Esiason - The only talent on the show. I still can't believe he got canned from MNF. He knows what he's talking about and is the only one on the show that can articulate so that you can actually understand him. Would make a good OC and/or great QB coach.

Cowher (aka the Jaw) - Luckily they invented wet wipes for when this guy spits all over the microphone. Pretty poor commentator though. Actually meek and mild-mannered.
Could use a couple head butts with Sharpe to get him fired up. Might make a good HC though.

Phil Simms - He's not on the show but does the games as good as anyone. He has a great mind for football. See's everything on the field. I'd hire him as OC.

Charlie Casserly - Since we're talking about GM's these days, this guy gets an honorable mention. That's all.

Dan Dierdorf - He's a KC homer. Always loved Marty, for whatever that's worth. Kinda goofy but lovable.

Rich Gannon - Oh Rich! We were sooo wrong. Can you ever forgive us for letting you go? We'll make it up to you by giving you the OC/QB coach jobs.

All in all, I think FOX has the best team of analysts for the studio and the field. ESPN used to be the leader. Now, they're clearly second place. As far as CBS is concerned, they could use a rebuild as bad as the Chiefs. They're terrible. It's doubly bad since they cover the AFC and we have to watch them.

Out of the lot, Jaws, Jimmy and Cowher are the only true viable candidates. The 1st 2 of which I'd love to have. Cowher would be ok but my gut tells me he can't live up to past glory.

[Demonpenz]

dan derdiorf is as loveable as george popadopolus

[Skip Towne]

Jay Glazer knows more than all those guys.

[InChiefsHeaven]

Dan Dierdork annoys the piss out of me. THannon THarpe is a moron, but can at least be entertaining. Strahan is actually surprisingly good. Terry Bradshaw apparently suffers from a severe case of ADD...supposedly he's a whack job in real life, but entertaining as hell on TV. Howie Long has been cool, but got super cool after he did Broken Arrow...

[raybec 4]

I hate Chris Berman, his schtick was old 20 years ago. I wish ESPN would just get rid of the entire game day crew. Steve Young is awful as well.

Don't forget about the NFL Network guys- Mooch is good but Deion makes me want to puke. Jamie Dukes is an idiot but the rest are pretty good.

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

Meshawn as GM/HC/WR!!! How could we lose!!!???