Ask Iowanian. Pt II, the Keyboard of Doom - Page 14

**Iowanian** · 02-11-2005, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HarryParatestes

My Supervisor is a very sweet woman. But she's a...shall we say ..."substantial" sized woman. Not too big....5' 6" and maybe 230 lbs.

( I like to say the face of an angel..the body of a linebacker )

But I digress. It's a constant 75 degrees in our lab. Quite comfy, but she is ALWAYS cold! Shivering, hunkering down over her personal heater, bitchin' about freezing cold!

How can a woman with that much "insulation" be constantly cold?

Simple.

The amounts of sweets this brontasaurus has consumed has turned her blood into a cholesterol thickened Gravy. This thickening of the blood and hardening of the arteries have restricted the circulation to her extremities.

Thats mah guess.

**Saulbadguy** · 02-11-2005, 02:55 PM

Dear Dr IOWANIN :

How come wal-mart's produce isn't very good?

**Lzen** · 02-11-2005, 03:45 PM

OMG, this thread is great.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saulbadguy

Dear Dr IOWANIN :

How come wal-mart's produce isn't very good?

That's funny. I just tried a red apple from one of their mix bags (green apples, red apples, and oranges) and it was crap. Wasted $5 on that. Well, at least the oranges are alright and maybe the green apples. Still pisses me off, though.

**Saulbadguy** · 02-11-2005, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lzen

OMG, this thread is great.

That's funny. I just tried a red apple from one of their mix bags (green apples, red apples, and oranges) and it was crap. Wasted $5 on that. Well, at least the oranges are alright and maybe the green apples. Still pisses me off, though.

I've tried their bananas, their apples, and their oranges. I'm done with them now. All their fruit has a funky taste, IMO. I guess Iowanian explained it. I'm going to go to Dillons or Food 4 Less for all my produce needs, now.

**Lzen** · 02-11-2005, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saulbadguy

I've tried their bananas, their apples, and their oranges. I'm done with them now. All their fruit has a funky taste, IMO. I guess Iowanian explained it. I'm going to go to Dillons or Food 4 Less for all my produce needs, now.

I don't think I've ever had a problem with their bananas. The oranges sometimes have seeds and occasionally are bitter. I should probably go somewhere else for my fruit.

**Saulbadguy** · 02-11-2005, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lzen

I don't think I've ever had a problem with their bananas. The oranges sometimes have seeds and occasionally are bitter. I should probably go somewhere else for my fruit.

I'm going to try Aldi's as well. I heard they are really cheap.

**Iowanian** · 02-11-2005, 02:59 PM

Saul,
While I'm not positive on the exact problem with Walmart's produce selection, I'll make this observation.

A vast majority of items available at the aforementioned outlet of affordable merchandise is purchased in bulk from CHINA.

In China, tactics for growing vegetables and animals for consumption are less than may be desired in the continental US. An example might be that the lettuce salad you're eating now, was actually grown on a mound in the middle of a septic tank hole in the ground.

My second guess would be that the produce has been touched by numerous members of the butt picking horde of nohandwashers that fondled that fruit prior to you eating it without washing it properly.

**Saulbadguy** · 02-11-2005, 03:04 PM

Dear Dr IOWANAIN:

The poster formely known as Gunther_Fan has revealed his ugly face to this board once again. Should I blow his cover and reveal his identity, or should I make a game out of it (further than i already have..)

**Iowanian** · 02-11-2005, 03:22 PM

Saul,

If that Particular Poster has again shown face on the board, under a new name, Most regulars won't take long to pick up the scent.

The biggest problem Iowanian foresees with his change to yet another username, is how to work it into the next poem dedicated to that poster. If you are inclined to reveal the information in Saul's very own version of "username hangman", do so, knowing that you could draw the wrath of Tony Gonfreaquilizer_fan, and may even incur such undesirable punishment as a whisker burn on your belly from his massive Moustachio.

seclark · 02-11-2005, 04:10 PM

doc iowa,
i haven't drank a beer in over a month. i just woke up one morning and instead of cracking open a pi$$ warm natty and slurping it down, i opted for black coffee. f@cked up, huh?

what has me concerned is, i'm constantly shaking like a whore in church.

will this cease as time goes by, or should i go back to my old drunkin ways?

your constant reader,
sec

**Iowanian** · 02-11-2005, 03:56 PM

Iowanian once worked on a project for large scale animal(hog) confinement facility compounds that were built in China and North Korea.

There compounds had living quarters, the animal facilities, the waste lagoons, and gun towers. Workerswere fenced in and couldn't leave.

Anywho, they were supposed to be "Self sufficient" for the most part. The Sewage from the living quarters went into the lagoons of the animal waste. There were 3-4 lagoons, in various stages......The lagoons..........full of sewage, were also Food sources......One they grew crawdads, shrimp or lobster, one fish, and another it seems like some edible reed like plants. There was a "pit" with a lid where all of the dead animals were dumped to rot........that sludge was used for something else.

nasty.

**Iowanian** · 02-11-2005, 04:07 PM

Iowanian is not your typical Raider Fan........just word it.

Something tells me to dig the airsick bag out of the desk drawer.

Ghostof · 02-11-2005, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iowanian

Iowanian is not your typical Raider Fan........just word it.

Something tells me to dig the airsick bag out of the desk drawer.

Well, on that note I wont post it. It will have to wait for Monday that way the image will be burnt in peoples minds at the beginning of the week instead of the end of it.

|Zach| · 02-11-2005, 04:10 PM

Dear Dr. Iowanian,

Love your column. Could you explain to your fans what your field of expertise is and how you went about getting your doctorate?

- Zach

**Iowanian** · 02-11-2005, 04:18 PM

Now that is a true Dilema. The fact that I think I'd rather drink cold goat sweat than hot coffee doesn't help in formulating the proper answer.

It sounds like the Doc and Brideclark have the secjewels in a vicegrip.

I'd like to think that by the time the fish are biting after the ice is off that it would let up.......but whiskey Tango Foxtrot do I know.

I think the best course of action is to tell the Mrs.(your mrs, wiseass) that the shaking is caused by toxic MSB, and that you've been prescribed a daily treatment by your new doc. there are at least 4 valid forms of that treatment ifn' you forgot at your advancing age.

The Cialis commercial says a chub lasting more than 4 hrs can be dangerous, but I'm thinking it could be handy for you to hang your black tape roll and hammer on while on top of those towers.

I'd suggest doing whatever helps keep you positive you're hetero, and off the couch.

02-11-2005, 02:55 PM	#2
Saulbadguy When a nightmare becomes real Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $736966	Dear Dr IOWANIN : How come wal-mart's produce isn't very good? __________________ http://www.goemaw.com
Posts: 47,020

02-11-2005, 02:59 PM	#7
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1638454	Saul, While I'm not positive on the exact problem with Walmart's produce selection, I'll make this observation. A vast majority of items available at the aforementioned outlet of affordable merchandise is purchased in bulk from CHINA. In China, tactics for growing vegetables and animals for consumption are less than may be desired in the continental US. An example might be that the lettuce salad you're eating now, was actually grown on a mound in the middle of a septic tank hole in the ground. My second guess would be that the produce has been touched by numerous members of the butt picking horde of nohandwashers that fondled that fruit prior to you eating it without washing it properly.
Posts: 62,946

02-11-2005, 03:04 PM	#8
Saulbadguy When a nightmare becomes real Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $736966	Dear Dr IOWANAIN: The poster formely known as Gunther_Fan has revealed his ugly face to this board once again. Should I blow his cover and reveal his identity, or should I make a game out of it (further than i already have..) __________________ http://www.goemaw.com
Posts: 47,020

02-11-2005, 03:22 PM	#9
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1638454	Saul, If that Particular Poster has again shown face on the board, under a new name, Most regulars won't take long to pick up the scent. The biggest problem Iowanian foresees with his change to yet another username, is how to work it into the next poem dedicated to that poster. If you are inclined to reveal the information in Saul's very own version of "username hangman", do so, knowing that you could draw the wrath of Tony Gonfreaquilizer_fan, and may even incur such undesirable punishment as a whisker burn on your belly from his massive Moustachio.
Posts: 62,946

02-11-2005, 04:10 PM	#10
seclark MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: nemo Casino cash: $-410100	doc iowa, i haven't drank a beer in over a month. i just woke up one morning and instead of cracking open a pi$$ warm natty and slurping it down, i opted for black coffee. f@cked up, huh? what has me concerned is, i'm constantly shaking like a whore in church. will this cease as time goes by, or should i go back to my old drunkin ways? your constant reader, sec
Posts: 13,447

02-11-2005, 03:56 PM	#11
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1638454	Iowanian once worked on a project for large scale animal(hog) confinement facility compounds that were built in China and North Korea. There compounds had living quarters, the animal facilities, the waste lagoons, and gun towers. Workerswere fenced in and couldn't leave. Anywho, they were supposed to be "Self sufficient" for the most part. The Sewage from the living quarters went into the lagoons of the animal waste. There were 3-4 lagoons, in various stages......The lagoons..........full of sewage, were also Food sources......One they grew crawdads, shrimp or lobster, one fish, and another it seems like some edible reed like plants. There was a "pit" with a lid where all of the dead animals were dumped to rot........that sludge was used for something else. nasty.
Posts: 62,946

02-11-2005, 04:07 PM	#12
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1638454	Iowanian is not your typical Raider Fan........just word it. Something tells me to dig the airsick bag out of the desk drawer.
Posts: 62,946

02-11-2005, 04:10 PM	#14
\|Zach\| For The Glory Of The City Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Kansas City Casino cash: $2976768	Dear Dr. Iowanian, Love your column. Could you explain to your fans what your field of expertise is and how you went about getting your doctorate? - Zach
Posts: 54,757

02-11-2005, 04:18 PM	#15
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1638454	Now that is a true Dilema. The fact that I think I'd rather drink cold goat sweat than hot coffee doesn't help in formulating the proper answer. It sounds like the Doc and Brideclark have the secjewels in a vicegrip. I'd like to think that by the time the fish are biting after the ice is off that it would let up.......but whiskey Tango Foxtrot do I know. I think the best course of action is to tell the Mrs.(your mrs, wiseass) that the shaking is caused by toxic MSB, and that you've been prescribed a daily treatment by your new doc. there are at least 4 valid forms of that treatment ifn' you forgot at your advancing age. The Cialis commercial says a chub lasting more than 4 hrs can be dangerous, but I'm thinking it could be handy for you to hang your black tape roll and hammer on while on top of those towers. I'd suggest doing whatever helps keep you positive you're hetero, and off the couch.
Posts: 62,946