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11-20-2012, 09:17 AM | #151 | |
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11-20-2012, 11:08 AM | #152 | |
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The point was that "abuse" hadn't been defined at all up to that point other than the fact that it was verbal. You placed A LOT of emphasis on the word ABUSE when you responded to my first post, so I wondered what you thought it meant. Maybe you realized that you didn't have a clue what his mother meant at that point or maybe you didn't, but whatever the case, our dialogue went downhill from there as a result of your insecurities. I wonder what sportsshrink (or any other psychologist) would think about your need to repeatedly refer to all of these people who supposedly agree with you or your references to me being a DC poster. It's kind of weird behavior, IMO.
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11-20-2012, 11:26 AM | #153 | ||
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I'm with these two.
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11-20-2012, 11:30 AM | #154 | |||||
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And MANY people thought the same, even publicly in this thread. Quote:
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And again, the only weird behavior here started and ended with YOU. Let's look at the conversation again, in a nutshell: tooge: my mom says she's being abused, i don't like it and i don't want to go to thanksgiving htismaqe: don't go patteu: htismaqe, what is your definition of "abuse" Now THAT is weird behavior. |
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11-20-2012, 11:38 AM | #155 |
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Quick update:
So I stick to my guns. She says she understands about my principles. Then she texts me that the BF is really hurting over this. I tell her that I don't intend to "hurt" him, but that his actions have consequences and time, therapy, and not apologies are what it will take with me. Today she basically tells me to **** off and she and the BF need time and not to call her for "a while". Wow. Sad. |
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11-20-2012, 12:20 PM | #156 | |
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Sorry to hear about your update, tooge, but I'm sure I'm speaking for all of us when I say that hopefully it will work out in the long run.
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11-20-2012, 12:28 PM | #157 | |
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11-20-2012, 12:29 PM | #158 | |
CHANGEd your mind yet????
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Unfortunately what she has been able to accomplish with your good intentions (remember the road to hell is paved with them) and involvement is transference. From him being the bad guy to you being one. The one who will ruin her holiday. The one who doesn't understand or appreciate her. The one who hurts her due his actions and words... All of this plays right into the hands of the abuser boyfriend. He likely thrives and survives on divide and conquer.
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11-20-2012, 12:30 PM | #159 | |||
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You're classless and deranged... Do you own season tickets?
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11-20-2012, 12:41 PM | #160 |
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+1 with patteau's sentiments. It is sad and doesn't make much sense. There's only so much you can control in your life. You can still maintain a happy and healthy environment for you, your wife, your children, & the rest of your extended family. Give thanks for everything that makes you smile in your life, and pray for everything that doesn't.
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11-20-2012, 12:56 PM | #161 | |
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This. Sincerely. |
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11-20-2012, 01:33 PM | #162 | |
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I'd be inclided to take Phil's advice and go ahead and continue your relationship. Mad props for sticking to your guns. |
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11-20-2012, 02:02 PM | #163 |
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yeah, I generally regard Phil's advice as very well thought out and sound. I am going to follow it. I will call her regularly every week or two, and I'll keep the conversation very clear of the BF. In fact it'll be very trivial talk about the kids and such. Thanks to all of you for your input. Hollidays shouldn't have to be ruined by things like this, but such is life. I'm looking at this as just another lesson life gives me that will help me to do something better next time a difficult situation arises. Happy Thanksgiving all.
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11-20-2012, 02:17 PM | #164 | |||
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11-20-2012, 03:08 PM | #165 | |
CHANGEd your mind yet????
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Tooge, in all honesty, I think you are focusing too much on the symbolism and tradition of the holiday at the expense of the big picture. Thanksgiving is one day on the calendar. Your mother's issues transcend that day. She is dealing with some deep shit right now. Your challenge is to develop a healthy boundary of concerned son vs. willing participant/figurative punching bag. Lastly, get over the image of the perfect holiday. It does not happen except on the Hallmark Channel and in marketing campaigns. Holidays are generally a stressful time for fully functional families. It can be sheer hell for dysfunctional or addicted/codependent families. Lots of drama and ignored dynamics come to play in a big way at a time when we are lead to THINK everyone else is having a great time with their families. Sounds like the BF probably has had this very scenario played out in his midst before. It likely is not the first Thanksgiving he's ruined. Rather, your families first. So do yourself a favor and adjust that image of what a successful, happy, and healthy Thanksgiving 'should be.' With that said, toxic people are not required to be around you or your children no matter what their blood type or relation to you is or what the date on the calendar says.
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