Ask Iowanian. Pt II, the Keyboard of Doom - Page 14

**Iowanian** · 01-29-2004, 02:46 PM

If you've got a problem, yo Ahll Solve it, check out my hooks, while DJ revolves it..tss tss ts tss tst

If Dr Laura, Dr Phil or Ann Landers couldn't help you.....Serve it up.

Its the offseason, the board needs something other than politics. This thread, and the answers will go where you take it. A serious Question....I'll try to help, and or rely on others......A not serious question....You'll get what you ask for.

disclaimer: Iowanian is not a licensed Doctor, Psychologist or anything else. No responsibility shall be taken by advisors on any issue within the thread. The answer "I have no #@%&* idea " is valid and acceptable for these purposes. If the thread sucks, it shall fade into planet oblivion.

**Lzen** · 02-11-2005, 03:45 PM

OMG, this thread is great.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saulbadguy

Dear Dr IOWANIN :

How come wal-mart's produce isn't very good?

That's funny. I just tried a red apple from one of their mix bags (green apples, red apples, and oranges) and it was crap. Wasted $5 on that. Well, at least the oranges are alright and maybe the green apples. Still pisses me off, though.

**Saulbadguy** · 02-11-2005, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lzen

OMG, this thread is great.

That's funny. I just tried a red apple from one of their mix bags (green apples, red apples, and oranges) and it was crap. Wasted $5 on that. Well, at least the oranges are alright and maybe the green apples. Still pisses me off, though.

I've tried their bananas, their apples, and their oranges. I'm done with them now. All their fruit has a funky taste, IMO. I guess Iowanian explained it. I'm going to go to Dillons or Food 4 Less for all my produce needs, now.

**Lzen** · 02-11-2005, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saulbadguy

I've tried their bananas, their apples, and their oranges. I'm done with them now. All their fruit has a funky taste, IMO. I guess Iowanian explained it. I'm going to go to Dillons or Food 4 Less for all my produce needs, now.

I don't think I've ever had a problem with their bananas. The oranges sometimes have seeds and occasionally are bitter. I should probably go somewhere else for my fruit.

**Saulbadguy** · 02-11-2005, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lzen

I don't think I've ever had a problem with their bananas. The oranges sometimes have seeds and occasionally are bitter. I should probably go somewhere else for my fruit.

I'm going to try Aldi's as well. I heard they are really cheap.

**Iowanian** · 02-11-2005, 03:56 PM

Iowanian once worked on a project for large scale animal(hog) confinement facility compounds that were built in China and North Korea.

There compounds had living quarters, the animal facilities, the waste lagoons, and gun towers. Workerswere fenced in and couldn't leave.

Anywho, they were supposed to be "Self sufficient" for the most part. The Sewage from the living quarters went into the lagoons of the animal waste. There were 3-4 lagoons, in various stages......The lagoons..........full of sewage, were also Food sources......One they grew crawdads, shrimp or lobster, one fish, and another it seems like some edible reed like plants. There was a "pit" with a lid where all of the dead animals were dumped to rot........that sludge was used for something else.

nasty.

**Lzen** · 02-11-2005, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saulbadguy

I'm going to try Aldi's as well. I heard they are really cheap.

I used to do all my grocery shopping at Aldi's when I was very young and poor (about 18).

Ghostof · 02-11-2005, 04:06 PM

Iowanian,

I have a question but not sure how to word it so you could understand.

**Iowanian** · 02-11-2005, 04:07 PM

Iowanian is not your typical Raider Fan........just word it.

Something tells me to dig the airsick bag out of the desk drawer.

Ghostof · 02-11-2005, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iowanian

Iowanian is not your typical Raider Fan........just word it.

Something tells me to dig the airsick bag out of the desk drawer.

Well, on that note I wont post it. It will have to wait for Monday that way the image will be burnt in peoples minds at the beginning of the week instead of the end of it.

|Zach| · 02-11-2005, 04:10 PM

Dear Dr. Iowanian,

Love your column. Could you explain to your fans what your field of expertise is and how you went about getting your doctorate?

- Zach

seclark · 02-11-2005, 04:10 PM

doc iowa,
i haven't drank a beer in over a month. i just woke up one morning and instead of cracking open a pi$$ warm natty and slurping it down, i opted for black coffee. f@cked up, huh?

what has me concerned is, i'm constantly shaking like a whore in church.

will this cease as time goes by, or should i go back to my old drunkin ways?

your constant reader,
sec

**Iowanian** · 02-11-2005, 04:18 PM

Now that is a true Dilema. The fact that I think I'd rather drink cold goat sweat than hot coffee doesn't help in formulating the proper answer.

It sounds like the Doc and Brideclark have the secjewels in a vicegrip.

I'd like to think that by the time the fish are biting after the ice is off that it would let up.......but whiskey Tango Foxtrot do I know.

I think the best course of action is to tell the Mrs.(your mrs, wiseass) that the shaking is caused by toxic MSB, and that you've been prescribed a daily treatment by your new doc. there are at least 4 valid forms of that treatment ifn' you forgot at your advancing age.

The Cialis commercial says a chub lasting more than 4 hrs can be dangerous, but I'm thinking it could be handy for you to hang your black tape roll and hammer on while on top of those towers.

I'd suggest doing whatever helps keep you positive you're hetero, and off the couch.

Ghostof · 02-11-2005, 04:34 PM

Ah heck with it

So this one time, I was making out with this chick, an exgirlfriend of mine, in my truck at the Best Buy parking lot on 115th and metcalf. We were going at it and decided to move to a more quieter spot, the empty restaurant's parking lot just north of the Picadelly cafe. Heavy petting ensued and after awhile it was her turn. So she unbuttoned her pants, and I was overtaken by this concoction of roadkill and dead fish. She had told me that she was on her period, but that didnt really phase me. What bothered me was that rank smell. So I flat out told her she stank and her reply was "well, during my heavy flow days I dont take a shower or use pads over and over. I just shove a tampon up there and pull it out in a few days." Furthermore she passed on this great tidbit "Why take a shower or change pads if its just going to get all messed up again." SHe literally would wait a day or two through her heavy days until it was light.

This is the kicker. There was always this weird smell in her room. She always blamed it on the "dead mice in the basement" but eventaully everyone found out what it was. A few times she had problems with um, overflowing, and she rolled it all up in her panties and stuffed them in her closet. Her parents fianlly got sick of the smell and decided to help clean her room. I wasnt going to help snoop around so I was watching TV in her bedroom while they cleaned. They got to the closet, the last dirty section. After moving boxes around they found the crusty dried up panties and she got into alot of trouble over that. That was the only time I felt bad for her parents, because imagine finding that in your own house or better yet doing the laundry and coming across a mess like that.

So my question is how the hell can a woman go that long without changing her "feminine hygiene products" and doesnt that cause major problems?? along with the most hideous gangrenish smell!

Oh damn it was like the extra chunky Ragu garden style spaghetti sauce.

**Saulbadguy** · 02-11-2005, 04:36 PM

Terrible.

**Iowanian** · 02-11-2005, 06:36 PM

" The answer "I have no #@%&* idea " is valid and acceptable for these purposes. If the thread sucks, it shall fade into planet oblivion.'

Easiest answer I've ever given, you nasty bastard.

Stop. Fugging. Nasty. Women.

Spend an extra $10 and get yourself a higher class crack ho.

01-29-2004, 02:46 PM
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1648454	Ask Iowanian. Pt II, the Keyboard of Doom If you've got a problem, yo Ahll Solve it, check out my hooks, while DJ revolves it..tss tss ts tss tst If Dr Laura, Dr Phil or Ann Landers couldn't help you.....Serve it up. Its the offseason, the board needs something other than politics. This thread, and the answers will go where you take it. A serious Question....I'll try to help, and or rely on others......A not serious question....You'll get what you ask for. disclaimer: Iowanian is not a licensed Doctor, Psychologist or anything else. No responsibility shall be taken by advisors on any issue within the thread. The answer "I have no #@%&* idea " is valid and acceptable for these purposes. If the thread sucks, it shall fade into planet oblivion.
Posts: 62,945

02-11-2005, 03:56 PM	#200
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1648454	Iowanian once worked on a project for large scale animal(hog) confinement facility compounds that were built in China and North Korea. There compounds had living quarters, the animal facilities, the waste lagoons, and gun towers. Workerswere fenced in and couldn't leave. Anywho, they were supposed to be "Self sufficient" for the most part. The Sewage from the living quarters went into the lagoons of the animal waste. There were 3-4 lagoons, in various stages......The lagoons..........full of sewage, were also Food sources......One they grew crawdads, shrimp or lobster, one fish, and another it seems like some edible reed like plants. There was a "pit" with a lid where all of the dead animals were dumped to rot........that sludge was used for something else. nasty.
Posts: 62,945

02-11-2005, 04:06 PM	#202
Ghostof Starter Join Date: Aug 2004 Casino cash: $10004900	Iowanian, I have a question but not sure how to word it so you could understand.
Posts: 769

02-11-2005, 04:07 PM	#203
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1648454	Iowanian is not your typical Raider Fan........just word it. Something tells me to dig the airsick bag out of the desk drawer.
Posts: 62,945

02-11-2005, 04:10 PM	#205
\|Zach\| For The Glory Of The City Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Kansas City Casino cash: $2986768	Dear Dr. Iowanian, Love your column. Could you explain to your fans what your field of expertise is and how you went about getting your doctorate? - Zach
Posts: 54,757

02-11-2005, 04:10 PM	#206
seclark MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: nemo Casino cash: $-410100	doc iowa, i haven't drank a beer in over a month. i just woke up one morning and instead of cracking open a pi$$ warm natty and slurping it down, i opted for black coffee. f@cked up, huh? what has me concerned is, i'm constantly shaking like a whore in church. will this cease as time goes by, or should i go back to my old drunkin ways? your constant reader, sec
Posts: 13,447

02-11-2005, 04:18 PM	#207
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1648454	Now that is a true Dilema. The fact that I think I'd rather drink cold goat sweat than hot coffee doesn't help in formulating the proper answer. It sounds like the Doc and Brideclark have the secjewels in a vicegrip. I'd like to think that by the time the fish are biting after the ice is off that it would let up.......but whiskey Tango Foxtrot do I know. I think the best course of action is to tell the Mrs.(your mrs, wiseass) that the shaking is caused by toxic MSB, and that you've been prescribed a daily treatment by your new doc. there are at least 4 valid forms of that treatment ifn' you forgot at your advancing age. The Cialis commercial says a chub lasting more than 4 hrs can be dangerous, but I'm thinking it could be handy for you to hang your black tape roll and hammer on while on top of those towers. I'd suggest doing whatever helps keep you positive you're hetero, and off the couch.
Posts: 62,945

02-11-2005, 04:34 PM	#208
Ghostof Starter Join Date: Aug 2004 Casino cash: $10004900	Ah heck with it So this one time, I was making out with this chick, an exgirlfriend of mine, in my truck at the Best Buy parking lot on 115th and metcalf. We were going at it and decided to move to a more quieter spot, the empty restaurant's parking lot just north of the Picadelly cafe. Heavy petting ensued and after awhile it was her turn. So she unbuttoned her pants, and I was overtaken by this concoction of roadkill and dead fish. She had told me that she was on her period, but that didnt really phase me. What bothered me was that rank smell. So I flat out told her she stank and her reply was "well, during my heavy flow days I dont take a shower or use pads over and over. I just shove a tampon up there and pull it out in a few days." Furthermore she passed on this great tidbit "Why take a shower or change pads if its just going to get all messed up again." SHe literally would wait a day or two through her heavy days until it was light. This is the kicker. There was always this weird smell in her room. She always blamed it on the "dead mice in the basement" but eventaully everyone found out what it was. A few times she had problems with um, overflowing, and she rolled it all up in her panties and stuffed them in her closet. Her parents fianlly got sick of the smell and decided to help clean her room. I wasnt going to help snoop around so I was watching TV in her bedroom while they cleaned. They got to the closet, the last dirty section. After moving boxes around they found the crusty dried up panties and she got into alot of trouble over that. That was the only time I felt bad for her parents, because imagine finding that in your own house or better yet doing the laundry and coming across a mess like that. So my question is how the hell can a woman go that long without changing her "feminine hygiene products" and doesnt that cause major problems?? along with the most hideous gangrenish smell! Oh damn it was like the extra chunky Ragu garden style spaghetti sauce.
Posts: 769

02-11-2005, 04:36 PM	#209
Saulbadguy When a nightmare becomes real Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $736966	Terrible. __________________ http://www.goemaw.com
Posts: 47,020

02-11-2005, 06:36 PM	#210
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1648454	" The answer "I have no #@%&* idea " is valid and acceptable for these purposes. If the thread sucks, it shall fade into planet oblivion.' Easiest answer I've ever given, you nasty bastard. Stop. Fugging. Nasty. Women. Spend an extra $10 and get yourself a higher class crack ho.
Posts: 62,945