Ask Iowanian. Pt II, the Keyboard of Doom

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by KCTitus

Dear Iowanian:

Can anyone stop Rich Scanlon from carrying out his his plan of total world domination?

Its highly undoubtful. Have you seen this kid play in NFLE? The Only reason I can think of, that may keep Scanlon off of the field this year would be that the NFL would be forced to implement "the scanlon clause" on the Union Bargaining agreement, which would require the Chiefs to only put 9 defensive players on the field when Scanlon is in the game. It has been deemed unfair to the opposing RBs and QBs who have many performance clauses in their contract.

Allowing Scanlon to be an every down starter is like Tieing the opposing OC to the Scanlon-tree of Woah.

I hope he turns into the next Singleterry. If it happens, I'm likely getting a jersey, and changing my username to Dr Royowanian IV.

[Saulbadguy]

Dear Dr IOWAN:

Sometimes when I go to the public bathrooms, some men choose to go to the stalls to urinate, rather than go to the urinals, which are vacant. They even close and lock the doors. Why do they do this?

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by Saulbadguy

Dear Dr IOWAN:

Sometimes when I go to the public bathrooms, some men choose to go to the stalls to urinate, rather than go to the urinals, which are vacant. They even close and lock the doors. Why do they do this?

I have no effing Idear.

My best guess is that you do that because you're embarrassed that you're 25 and still let your trousers and underoos fall down around your ankles while you take a potty.

I'm glad you have the descency to shut the door though, the Hetero's like me would find it more than disconscerting.

[Mr. Kotter]

Originally Posted by Saulbadguy

Dear Dr IOWAN:

Sometimes when I go to the public bathrooms, some men choose to go to the stalls to urinate, rather than go to the urinals, which are vacant. They even close and lock the doors. Why do they do this?

Iowanian, I know you are a busy man....I'll pitch in here too:

Dear Saul,

Men who engage in the sort of behavior you describe fall into one of two categories: horny and self-conscious. Horny men who've become excited have become masters at the "quickie" in the stall. Such men possess vivid imagination, an extensive pornography collection, and a quick wrist. Self conscious types are fearful they don't measure up to other men who have the confidence to use the urinals. Sometimes they will sneak into a urinal and feign that macho swagger....but only if there are "dividers" between the urinal that conceal his unit from meat-peaking eyes. Hope this helps.

Sincerely,
Dr. Kotter

[Jenny Gump]

Dear Iowanian,

I seem to be too abrupt when dealing with coworkers. Can you advise?

[Mr. Kotter]

Originally Posted by JennyGump

Dear Iowanian,

I seem to be too abrupt when dealing with coworkers. Can you advise?

Dear Jenny,

Become an actuary where you don't need to deal with other people, a mortician where the "people" don't talk back, or a hooker where your "business" is usually done in a minute or two from guys too shy to get laid.

Sincerely,

Dr. Kotter

[Jenson71]

Originally Posted by Mr. Kotter

or a hooker where your "business" is usually done in a minute or two from guys too shy to get laid.

Bad advice. Maybe this is why you're not the answer man.

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by JennyGump

Dear Iowanian,

I seem to be too abrupt when dealing with coworkers. Can you advise?

My advice is to hang a sign that says
"beatings will continue until moral improves"

Iowanian is not known for being delicate in very many phases of his life.
Dealing with coworkers is no exception. Try using more creative words when insunuating sarcastic insults so they have to think about it, and may not fully comprehend the intent of your message.

[Mosbonian]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

My advice is to hang a sign that says
"beatings will continue until moral improves"

Iowanian is not known for being delicate in very many phases of his life.
Dealing with coworkers is no exception. Try using more creative words when insunuating sarcastic insults so they have to think about it, and may not fully comprehend the intent of your message.

Do you do contract work?

mmaddog
*******

[Jenson71]

Iowanian,

Lately I've noticed donger and raiderhader getting rather intimate in their posts to each other. And just yesterday, raiderhader accidently sent me a PM obviously intended for donger. I won't repeat what was written, but it was rather detailed on what they planned to do to each other's bodies. As a community, how should we view these acts of affection between the two?

Thanks...

[ck_IN]

I've just noticed of-late that my voice has become higher, I've taken to the Oparah show, and that I've become plagued with unexplained and sudden fits of uncontrolled sobbing. This coincided with a ice-water bath that was prescribed as a part of my treatment for a nasty goin pull

I don't want to step on the doctors toes but my take is that the ice caused your balls to run so far up inside your body in search of warmth that they became ovaries. You are now a woman and just haven't realized it yet.

I hope this clears up your , um, confusion.

[Eleazar]

Dear Iowanian,

My girl says that we can't fool around any more until I get less 'fraid of commitment' or something like that. What should I do?

[Mr. Kotter]

Originally Posted by Cochise

Dear Iowanian,

My girl says that we can't fool around any more until I get less 'fraid of commitment' or something like that. What should I do?

Iowanian....I'll take this one:

Dear Cochise,

Tell her you love her (you don't gotta mean it!) and that when she learns to bake good pie, you'll be willin' to get hitched. You'll be back in the saddle in no time.

HINT: Be sure to specify type of pie, and set a standard that is unachievable...just in case

Sincerely, Dr. Kotter

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by Cochise

Dear Iowanian,

My girl says that we can't fool around any more until I get less 'fraid of commitment' or something like that. What should I do?

If you thought your Company was downsizing, because there wasn't enough work for you....would you wait for that to happen prior to beginning the Job search? No responsible man would do that.

"committment" is just a womans way of saying she wants you to buy her something expensive. Explain to her, that trading something of value for her legs to be elevated would make her a prostitute, and you have too much respect for her, to allow that to happen on your watch.

In the mean time, get your resume' ready(a new bottle of the latest Sex-Panther), a haircut, some new shoes and start Interviewing new candidates ASAP.

A well diversified portfolio is just good business in a shaky market.

[ck_IN]

Titus, is there a reason why you would want to?

*colour me confused *