Social Anxiety

[TLO]

Anyone ever have issues with social anxiety before?

I've noticed myself being uncomfortable with large crowds of people as far back as 3rd or 4th grade. Recently though, I'm noticing it around people all together. Yesterday we had a medium size group for Easter dinner, mostly family, and I didn't really talk to anyone. Sometimes I have difficulty going to class because I'm afraid I'll be judged, or God forbid the professor puts us into a small group to do an activity.

Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.

I have anxiety but socially I'm fine. Sometimes I can't muster up the courage to leave the house but it has nothing to do with social situations.

[Rain Man]

A lot of this is practice and exposure.

When I was in my 20s, I was petrified to speak in front of a crowd. Even if it was just a "go around the room and let's all say our names", it was petrifying. Then I got a job where I had to do public presentations all the time, and I realized that it's really not terrifying. The people don't care about you anyway. They just want to hear what you're talking about and you're just a vessel for that. So you just get up there and talk. I've found that it's best to know your material, but to not practice. Talking is much easier than reciting a memorized speech. Now I don't think twice about it, and I'm a pretty strong introvert.

I had a new experience last month that pushed my limits a bit. I had to moderate a focus group live in front of 500+ people. That was a bit concerning because I had no idea what people were going to say, and I had to guide the discussion. But it went very well.

Now, social gatherings are a different animal. I really don't like going to parties where you have to break into social conversations and stand there with a drink in your hand. I pretty much just stand by myself the whole time. I was just at a fundraiser party last week, and I stood there like a doofus the whole time because everyone was broken up into groups of two or three people and they were all these "society people" who know each other and it was loud and there were no other people standing around that I could talk to.

Funny story, though, and I'll share this at the risk of sounding like a snobby wannabe, which is truly not my intent. It's just kind of funny. The event was a small fundraiser for the governor's race, maybe 50 or 60 people. I'm standing there not sure what to do and everybody else seems to know each other and are chattily gabbing. At one point the only other person standing there alone was the governor. So I went over and introduced myself and we had a pleasant conversation. I thought it was really weird that he wasn't surrounded by hangers-on.

[GordonGekko]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Now, social gatherings are a different animal. I really don't like going to parties where you have to break into social conversations and stand there with a drink in your hand. I pretty much just stand by myself the whole time. I was just at a fundraiser party last week, and I stood there like a doofus the whole time because everyone was broken up into groups of two or three people and they were all these "society people" who know each other and it was loud and there were no other people standing around that I could talk to.

This shit happens to me all the time. I frequently go to things where I do not know anyone, and just try to play cool. What helps is that I try to think what Van Wilder, (Ryan Reynolds) would do. It seems like in all his movies he just kind of goes with the flow and adds in laughterous comments every now and again. It helps to have that kind of gameplan.

[NewChief]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Now, social gatherings are a different animal. I really don't like going to parties where you have to break into social conversations and stand there with a drink in your hand. I pretty much just stand by myself the whole time. I was just at a fundraiser party last week, and I stood there like a doofus the whole time because everyone was broken up into groups of two or three people and they were all these "society people" who know each other and it was loud and there were no other people standing around that I could talk to.

You sound a lot like me. I, too, had anxiety earlier, and I conquered it as I became a teacher and had to be in front of people constantly. Since then, I actually enjoy being in front of people and use the same preparation techniques as you do (don't memorize, have talking points/outline, etc...).

I, too, hate those sorts of cocktail parties and find myself having to attend them more and more as I get older. I usually find a person or two to talk to (often the bartender, hah), and just spend the majority of the evening chatting with them.

[TLO]

I can relate to you guys about the party situations. Nothing more awkard then just standing by yourself with a drink in your hand.

It's sad, but I'm often much happier just sitting in my dorm, watching sports, and playing around on CP.

[tooge]

I generally hate people in general, unless they are part of my inner circle of 30 or so friends. So, if I'm at a social gathering that is mostly those people, I'm all good. If not, I'm not anxious, but I lighten my own mood by secretly making fun of all the other people there. Plus I drink.

[Buehler445]

I probably have some. But I'd say if it is there at all it is pretty mild. I'd rather just not talk to people. I've pissed away some potential opportunities because I was too much of a pussy to step out and start an uncomfortable conversation. Part of it is that I've had very very little success doing it but I have to. Shit isn't going to just land in my lap.

I'd say see a professional. I've known some people with debilitating anxiety.

[TribalElder]

Quit smoking weed it is making you paranoid

Get shitfaced drunk and go to rockfest to get over your issues

[Demonpenz]

Smoke weed/Drink more.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Big Smoke

I can relate to you guys about the party situations. Nothing more awkard then just standing by yourself with a drink in your hand.

It's sad, but I'm often much happier just sitting in my dorm, watching sports, and playing around on CP.

The weird thing to me is that CP is basically the same thing as a party. It's just written and not spoken. But for some reason I like hanging out here but I don't like hanging out with people in person. If CP had a party I'd probably just stand around by myself.

[Mr. Plow]

Originally Posted by NewChief

I used to get it really bad though my teenage years. Then I started drinking and became an extrovert in social situations. Interestingly, I'm now pretty extroverted all the time, not just when I'm drinking. I do still get in scenarios where I feel awkward and tend to get introverted.

I'm not suggesting to start drinking as a way to combat your social anxiety, but it did actually work for me.

This is about how it was for me. I'm a bit more confident now which allows me to be comfortable in larger groups. Generally, if there is one person in a place I know, I'm solid. But, as I've gotten older I've gotten better at even sitting in a bar by myself to watch a game and chatting up whoever is around.

[Mr. Plow]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

The weird thing to me is that CP is basically the same thing as a party. It's just written and not spoken. But for some reason I like hanging out here but I don't like hanging out with people in person. If CP had a party I'd probably just stand around by myself.

I'd be willing to bet that if you attended a CP party that you would have no shortage of people sitting there chatting with you - whether you wanted it or not.

You're like the Dos Equis guy.....the most interesting person in the world.

[DaveNull]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

The weird thing to me is that CP is basically the same thing as a party. It's just written and not spoken. But for some reason I like hanging out here but I don't like hanging out with people in person. If CP had a party I'd probably just stand around by myself.

You'd be surprised. I go to an event every year that's full of folks that are usually very introverted. Getting together with other people that really do share the same interests and have common experiences really greases the wheels.

I'm pretty extroverted, but I'm not a person who waltzes into many happy hours and just works the room.

[Otter]

Is not liking most people you meet social anxiety? I don't get nervous or uncomfortable around people it's more of a 'I just have no desire to talk to you' kind of thing.

Mabey I just need to stop going to Wal Mart.

[Dante84]

Originally Posted by Big Smoke

It depends. Sometimes I'd say average to good. Other times it's very, very low. I'd say it's very low most of the time.

What is your sticking point? (i/e: body image issues, bullying issues from growing up, etc...)

What are some of the thoughts you have when you feel this way?

It could be something stemming from a bad situation earlier in life (therapy needed) or it could even be something as simple as a chemical imbalance that can be fixed with a prescription.