Chiefs The night before Chiefsmas - Page 2

Hammock Parties · 09-06-2014, 10:42 PM

'Twas the night before Chiefsmas, when all through Arrowhead
No one had a clue to beat the Titans, and the franchise was dead.

But helmets were hung in their lockers with fear
In hopes that Fat Andy had not drunk too much beer.

The Chiefs were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of checkdowns danced in their heads;

And Dorsey in his jammies, and Clark in his nightgown
Had just settled down after drinking the town

When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the press box I flew like a flash,
Tore open the gate, past Hali smoking hash.

The moon shining down on the fresh-painted grass
Made me think of a god awful Alex Smith pass.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
A big red bus, the Kansas City Chiefs were here!

With an old coach, so fat, with a great big gut!
Yes, it was Andy, who jiggled his barbecue butt.

More rapid than Jamaal Charles his players they came
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them with shame.

"Now, Alex! Now Avery! Now, Parker and Smith!
On, Fisher! On Fulton! On Allen and whoever the **** is starting at right tackle!

You all ****ing suck! You can't ****ing ball!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

So back to the locker room, at the sound of the horn!
The players ran off, to avoid Fat Andy's scorn.

And then, in the hallway, I heard footsteps come.
It was Fat Andy and the Chiefs, even before the sun!

As I logged off the Planet, and was turning around,
Down the aisle Fat Andy came with a thunderous bound.

He was dressed all in red, yes, he looked overweight.
And said, "The Titans are going to kill us, bring on your hate."

A bundle of ribs he had tucked under his arm.
He promised, he'd eat them, after Alex bought the farm.

Said Andy: Alex will throw 40 passes, for a total of 100 yards.
We won't win at Arrowhead, I'd rather just go play cards.

Have you seen the Titans defense, and their monster Jurrell Casey?
Alex will run for his life, his escapes will be quite hasty.

Anyway, we don't have Bowe, but we've got this guy named Hammond.
But that's just because our GM sucks, and should have his head examined.

Meanwhile, our new offensive line will surely make our QB fall.
But Alex doesn't care, he's got some three yard passes for us all!

Did you know with his new contract, he bought a sweet new land rover?
He's actually betting on the Titans, here's a hint: take the over!

Fat Andy then closed his playbook, and got back on the bus
He added, "by the way, Alex's throwing arm is full bloody pus."

"Also, it's the opener, so our fans will be really loud!
"But when we're down by three touchdowns, their heads will be bowed."

He sprang to his seat, to his team gave a shout,
And away they all drove, ready for the rout.

But I heard Fat Andy exclaim, thinking just how the Chiefs had sucked.

"JUST GIVE ME A TOP TEN PICK, CUS BOY THIS TEAM IS ****ED!"

GloryDayz · 09-07-2014, 12:24 AM

That's better than free candy and a ride "to your mother" from some guy in a van you've never seen!

**bevischief** · 09-07-2014, 12:56 AM

And the planes...

MMXcalibur · 09-07-2014, 01:12 AM

Bravo.

threebag · 09-07-2014, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Count Zarth

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED???

IS THIS NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE?

Choke
Choke
Gag
Gasp
Choke
Gasp
Gasp
Gag
Gasp
Choke.....
Drain

*SPIT*

FYP

**BigMeatballDave** · 09-07-2014, 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC Tattoo

Alex Smith is going be lucky get out of this season alive.

I do believe several said this a year ago.

Coochie liquor · 09-07-2014, 07:13 AM

Twas the night before kickoff clay was at his computer, because like every other night he was not getting any cooter.
He was stroking 2 inches to his man Geno Smith, he's the best qb ever but not a first round pick.
The Titans will crush the Chiefs he sternly declared, as he wiped his own semen from his pubic hair.
I can't wait for everyone to see that I'm right, Alex Smith can't play qb and our coach ain't too bright.
He cleaned himself off and then went to bed, with dreams of giving Marcus Mariota head.
He awoke about 4 pm not feeling too sober, how'd I sleep thru the game tell me it's not over.
He turns on his tv and then starts to flip, the Chiefs beat the Titans and I didn't make any gifs.
My proclamation was wrong now I look like a fool, Jim Jones musta put something in my drink when he pushed in my stool.
Then he sees Alex's stat line scroll across the bottom, 4 touchdown passes but who the hell caught em.
Bowe is suspended and wr corps sucks, and because of a bet I'm out 100 bucks.
He rushes to CP and finds everyone cheerful, as soon as I log I'm I'll give them an earful.
But nobody will listen to his trolling this day, his fellow posters are laughing and talking about Clay.
"I'll show you all" is the last thing he said, before putting the shotgun barrel to his own head.
He says goodbye cruel world and preps to meet his fate, he pulls the trigger but realizes it's too late.
There were no bullets in the gun kinda like Barney Fife, now he loses at fandom and loses at life.

**cabletech94** · 09-07-2014, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coochie liquor

Twas the night before kickoff clay was at his computer, because like every other night he was not getting any cooter.
He was stroking 2 inches to his man Geno Smith, he's the best qb ever but not a first round pick.
The Titans will crush the Chiefs he sternly declared, as he wiped his own semen from his pubic hair.
I can't wait for everyone to see that I'm right, Alex Smith can't play qb and our coach ain't too bright.
He cleaned himself off and then went to bed, with dreams of giving Marcus Mariota head.
He awoke about 4 pm not feeling too sober, how'd I sleep thru the game tell me it's not over.
He turns on his tv and then starts to flip, the Chiefs beat the Titans and I didn't make any gifs.
My proclamation was wrong now I look like a fool, Jim Jones musta put something in my drink when he pushed in my stool.
Then he sees Alex's stat line scroll across the bottom, 4 touchdown passes but who the hell caught em.
Bowe is suspended and wr corps sucks, and because of a bet I'm out 100 bucks.
He rushes to CP and finds everyone cheerful, as soon as I log I'm I'll give them an earful.
But nobody will listen to his trolling this day, his fellow posters are laughing and talking about Clay.
"I'll show you all" is the last thing he said, before putting the shotgun barrel to his own head.
He says goodbye cruel world and preps to meet his fate, he pulls the trigger but realizes it's too late.
There were no bullets in the gun kinda like Barney Fife, now he loses at fandom and loses at life.

just might be better than the OP.
many laughs............

but suicide is not a laughing matter. even if it is clay.

**Dave Lane** · 09-07-2014, 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buehler445

Dude. As much as I don't like 2 2nds or his new contract, Alex isn't that bad. He's not brees or Rodgers but he's not Cassel either.

Yes he is . He's 2010 Cassel but he's still Cassel.

**Dave Lane** · 09-07-2014, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coochie liquor

Twas the night before kickoff clay was at his computer, because like every other night he was not getting any cooter.
He was stroking 2 inches to his man Geno Smith, he's the best qb ever but not a first round pick.
The Titans will crush the Chiefs he sternly declared, as he wiped his own semen from his pubic hair.
I can't wait for everyone to see that I'm right, Alex Smith can't play qb and our coach ain't too bright.
He cleaned himself off and then went to bed, with dreams of giving Marcus Mariota head.
He awoke about 4 pm not feeling too sober, how'd I sleep thru the game tell me it's not over.
He turns on his tv and then starts to flip, the Chiefs beat the Titans and I didn't make any gifs.
My proclamation was wrong now I look like a fool, Jim Jones musta put something in my drink when he pushed in my stool.
Then he sees Alex's stat line scroll across the bottom, 4 touchdown passes but who the hell caught em.
Bowe is suspended and wr corps sucks, and because of a bet I'm out 100 bucks.
He rushes to CP and finds everyone cheerful, as soon as I log I'm I'll give them an earful.
But nobody will listen to his trolling this day, his fellow posters are laughing and talking about Clay.
"I'll show you all" is the last thing he said, before putting the shotgun barrel to his own head.
He says goodbye cruel world and preps to meet his fate, he pulls the trigger but realizes it's too late.
There were no bullets in the gun kinda like Barney Fife, now he loses at fandom and loses at life.

You're not very good at this. I'm sure your life must be difficult given your challenges. Good luck son you need it.

**Dave Lane** · 09-07-2014, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC Tattoo

Pourass O-line

Could have one of the best pass rushing units in the league, but have suspect secondary.

Alex Smith average but Jamaal Charles is beast.

Dwayne Bowe is out first game.

Alex Smith is going be lucky get out of this season alive.

Suspect secondary. wow that full as homer.

Coochie liquor · 09-07-2014, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cabletech94

just might be better than the OP.
many laughs............

but suicide is not a laughing matter. even if it is clay.

You sir are correct. I spared his life! And as a side note I happen to be a suicide survivor. Didn't try myself but lost my son to it. So had no real intention of killing him off, but wanted to show his frustration at the Chiefs getting a win. Which is laughable itself...

Coochie liquor · 09-07-2014, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave Lane

You're not very good at this. I'm sure your life must be difficult given your challenges. Good luck son you need it.

Thanks man. Coming from you that's a compliment! Must be doing something right!! Btw got a link to some of your amazing writing in here???

Rams Fan · 09-07-2014, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gonzo

0-16 **** it.

Go big or go home.

**MahiMike** · 09-07-2014, 09:09 AM

Nicely done.

Molitoth · 09-07-2014, 09:29 AM

Hate Clay all you want, but he is one clever mofo.

This is awesome.

Quote:

Did you know with his new contract, he bought a sweet new land rover?
He's actually betting on the Titans, here's a hint: take the over!

09-06-2014, 10:42 PM
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $4130478	The night before Chiefsmas 'Twas the night before Chiefsmas, when all through Arrowhead No one had a clue to beat the Titans, and the franchise was dead. But helmets were hung in their lockers with fear In hopes that Fat Andy had not drunk too much beer. The Chiefs were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of checkdowns danced in their heads; And Dorsey in his jammies, and Clark in his nightgown Had just settled down after drinking the town When out on the field there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the press box I flew like a flash, Tore open the gate, past Hali smoking hash. The moon shining down on the fresh-painted grass Made me think of a god awful Alex Smith pass. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, A big red bus, the Kansas City Chiefs were here! With an old coach, so fat, with a great big gut! Yes, it was Andy, who jiggled his barbecue butt. More rapid than Jamaal Charles his players they came And he whistled, and shouted, and called them with shame. "Now, Alex! Now Avery! Now, Parker and Smith! On, Fisher! On Fulton! On Allen and whoever the ** is starting at right tackle! You all ing suck! You can't ing ball! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!" So back to the locker room, at the sound of the horn! The players ran off, to avoid Fat Andy's scorn. And then, in the hallway, I heard footsteps come. It was Fat Andy and the Chiefs, even before the sun! As I logged off the Planet, and was turning around, Down the aisle Fat Andy came with a thunderous bound. He was dressed all in red, yes, he looked overweight. And said, "The Titans are going to kill us, bring on your hate." A bundle of ribs he had tucked under his arm. He promised, he'd eat them, after Alex bought the farm. Said Andy: Alex will throw 40 passes, for a total of 100 yards. We won't win at Arrowhead, I'd rather just go play cards. Have you seen the Titans defense, and their monster Jurrell Casey? Alex will run for his life, his escapes will be quite hasty. Anyway, we don't have Bowe, but we've got this guy named Hammond. But that's just because our GM sucks, and should have his head examined. Meanwhile, our new offensive line will surely make our QB fall. But Alex doesn't care, he's got some three yard passes for us all! Did you know with his new contract, he bought a sweet new land rover? He's actually betting on the Titans, here's a hint: take the over! Fat Andy then closed his playbook, and got back on the bus He added, "by the way, Alex's throwing arm is full bloody pus." "Also, it's the opener, so our fans will be really loud! "But when we're down by three touchdowns, their heads will be bowed." He sprang to his seat, to his team gave a shout, And away they all drove, ready for the rout. But I heard Fat Andy exclaim, thinking just how the Chiefs had sucked. "JUST GIVE ME A TOP TEN PICK, CUS BOY THIS TEAM IS **ED!"
Posts: 279,831

09-07-2014, 12:24 AM	#16
GloryDayz (Sir/Yes Sir/Aye Aye Sir) Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Diving Casino cash: $3145380	That's better than free candy and a ride "to your mother" from some guy in a van you've never seen!
Posts: 116,465

09-07-2014, 12:56 AM	#17
bevischief .... Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Somewhere Kansas Casino cash: $8659352 VARSITY	And the planes...
Posts: 27,731

09-07-2014, 01:12 AM	#18
MMXcalibur Pessimistically optimistic. Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Denver, CO Casino cash: $1935086	Bravo.
Posts: 16,445

09-07-2014, 07:13 AM	#21
Coochie liquor Bolton gonna knock you out Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: Free Vybz Kartel Casino cash: $2142394	Twas the night before kickoff clay was at his computer, because like every other night he was not getting any cooter. He was stroking 2 inches to his man Geno Smith, he's the best qb ever but not a first round pick. The Titans will crush the Chiefs he sternly declared, as he wiped his own semen from his pubic hair. I can't wait for everyone to see that I'm right, Alex Smith can't play qb and our coach ain't too bright. He cleaned himself off and then went to bed, with dreams of giving Marcus Mariota head. He awoke about 4 pm not feeling too sober, how'd I sleep thru the game tell me it's not over. He turns on his tv and then starts to flip, the Chiefs beat the Titans and I didn't make any gifs. My proclamation was wrong now I look like a fool, Jim Jones musta put something in my drink when he pushed in my stool. Then he sees Alex's stat line scroll across the bottom, 4 touchdown passes but who the hell caught em. Bowe is suspended and wr corps sucks, and because of a bet I'm out 100 bucks. He rushes to CP and finds everyone cheerful, as soon as I log I'm I'll give them an earful. But nobody will listen to his trolling this day, his fellow posters are laughing and talking about Clay. "I'll show you all" is the last thing he said, before putting the shotgun barrel to his own head. He says goodbye cruel world and preps to meet his fate, he pulls the trigger but realizes it's too late. There were no bullets in the gun kinda like Barney Fife, now he loses at fandom and loses at life.
Posts: 20,583

09-07-2014, 09:09 AM	#29
MahiMike He's Mahomie! Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Jax, FL Casino cash: $10023443	Nicely done. __________________ 99.9%
Posts: 17,387