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View Poll Results: Based on the available data, has my wife been replaced by an alien?
Yes, she has definitely been replaced. You have incontrovertible evidence. 20 46.51%
Maybe. Try applying some sort of high voltage to her as a test. 12 27.91%
No, she has not been replaced. Aliens wouldn't miss this type of clue. 6 13.95%
You need to track the data over a longer period of time before posting a thread like this. 5 11.63%
Voters: 43. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-03-2019, 05:53 PM   #1
BlackHelicopters BlackHelicopters is offline
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I've been married for 20+ years, and when my wife sneezes, she always sneezes three times. Always. Every single time. Whenever I would be talking and she'd start to sneeze, I would just wait until the third sneeze because she always sneezed in three-sneeze patterns.

That has been the case for over two decades.

However, about a month ago, she sneezed, and the third sneeze never came. She only sneezed twice. I was stunned. In the past month, it's happened a couple more times. She is now sneezing in a two-sneeze pattern. All other behaviors are consistent with past patterns.

If aliens were to replace a person, this is exactly the type of small missed detail that would give away the ruse. It's a behavior that occurs at random intervals, and infrequently enough that they likely wouldn't have the observational data to build it into their android. If anything, they would default to a commonly observed human behavior, which is a two-sneeze pattern.

Should I be concerned?

You need ice picks and full dosages of SSRIs to handle this.
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Old 07-03-2019, 06:21 PM   #2
Easy 6 Easy 6 is offline
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Old 07-03-2019, 06:02 PM   #3
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Old 07-03-2019, 06:12 PM   #4
displacedinMN displacedinMN is online now
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Yes. Alien. Scientific evidence proves it.

You need to research where she came from and if they have fossil fuels.
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Old 07-03-2019, 06:14 PM   #5
Eleazar Eleazar is offline
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If your wife is replaced by Hefty Lefty, then you've got a real problem.
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Old 07-03-2019, 06:18 PM   #6
tmax63 tmax63 is offline
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Highly probable that she has been replaced with a fembot. Employ a battery powered vibratory device to the appropriate orifice and if see a four foot long forked tongue come flipping out of her mouth and cracking like a bull whip, then you can be positive.
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Old 07-03-2019, 06:31 PM   #7
OrtonsPiercedTaint OrtonsPiercedTaint is offline
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There was at one time thought, to be a connection to sneezing & sexual thoughts
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Old 07-03-2019, 06:56 PM   #8
KC Hawks KC Hawks is offline
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She's sneezing twice in honor of Tyreek.
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Old 07-03-2019, 07:19 PM   #9
stumppy stumppy is online now
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I'm not buying this story. I get the distinct impression something else has occurred that caused you to suspect she might be an alien.
It's a well know fact that first contact between an alien and human always, always involves anal probing.
So, Mr. Rainman, is the sneezing story what you really want to go with here? Or do you want to do the right thing and come clean with all your CP buddies?
We can't help you if you don't trust us.
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Old 07-03-2019, 08:27 PM   #10
Graystoke Graystoke is offline
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Old 07-03-2019, 08:27 PM   #11
Zebedee DuBois Zebedee DuBois is offline
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you are losing your hearing, or possible cognitive abilities as you age.
You just are not realizing that the third sneeze is still occurring. I suspect you are missing the first sneeze which subtly gets your attention but not enough to register as being heard. You then hear the two subsequent sneezes.

Aging happens to everyone. The gradual deterioration of everything that you had taken pride of about yourself. It just slowly erodes away without you even noticing.
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Old 07-04-2019, 03:45 AM   #12
Baby Lee Baby Lee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zebedee DuBois View Post
you are losing your hearing, or possible cognitive abilities as you age.
You just are not realizing that the third sneeze is still occurring. I suspect you are missing the first sneeze which subtly gets your attention but not enough to register as being heard. You then hear the two subsequent sneezes.

Aging happens to everyone. The gradual deterioration of everything that you had taken pride of about yourself. It just slowly erodes away without you even noticing.
I fear it may be worse than we thought. As one working in data analysis, I regret to suggest Rain Man has lost the capacity to tabulate integers.
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Old 07-03-2019, 10:46 PM   #13
Kman34 Kman34 is offline
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Naw..She's not an alien.... Shes just messing with you... Women get bored after 20+ years of marriage.. You need to respond accordingly... From now on every time she sneezes blurt out a random phrase like... "soluble venom" or "everlasting gobble"... Here is a link to a random word generator...http://watchout4snakes.com/wo4snakes...m/RandomPhrase
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Old 07-04-2019, 01:54 AM   #14
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Do you suspect that she may be reptilian? I forget what the test was on the TV show "V" was.
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Old 07-04-2019, 08:37 AM   #15
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Here's how you check. Sit in your favorite chair. Ask "wife" to bring you your favorite beverage. Hold it in 1 hand and the remote in your other. Ask "wife" to service you. If she says yes, then you have an alien. Aliens are known people pleasers. If she slaps the snot out of you, then she is the real wife. Glad I could help.
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