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11-19-2012, 09:15 PM | #1 | |
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11-20-2012, 01:23 AM | #2 | |
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Excellent post! |
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11-20-2012, 09:17 AM | #3 | |
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11-20-2012, 11:32 PM | #4 | |
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The phrase, "taking some of the edge off" takes on a whole new meaning now doesn't it |
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11-19-2012, 12:46 PM | #5 |
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Not going is unfair to your kids but they're resilient and will be fine. More importantly, it sends a message to the family and the abuser that you're not going to condone that man and that you aren't joking around about it. You should be careful that your message to your mother is consistent and focused on the abuse, not all the other dynamics of the relationship.
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11-19-2012, 12:48 PM | #6 |
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Go and just stare at the guy menacingly the entire time.
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11-19-2012, 12:54 PM | #7 |
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I thought about just sort of going and being cordial, but I said I wasn't going to support this guy being around until he got treatment, and then, I was going to see it develop slowly. It's been 4 weeks ffs. I even told her I'd be happy to drive up in a few weeks to do lunch with her and maybe someday, I'd come to feel differently about him. I actually liked the guy until I heard how he was treating her. I think I have to stick to my guns here, but hell, I could also be nuts. My brother is going, and my sister is conveniently out of town.
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11-19-2012, 05:17 PM | #8 |
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I recommend you go if only to talk to the guy with your mama present (and your brothers & sisters as well, if possible) to find out what he specifically plans to do to permanently stop his abusive behavior. Then state he needs to show you all proof that he's attended AA meetings, anger management class,..whatever. Failure to comply and/or further reports of abuse means you won't be coming back until the dude's packed up and gone for good.
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11-19-2012, 05:24 PM | #9 |
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I think you made the right choice in not going. The guy lives there so your going essentially endorses their relationship when that isn't how you feel. It's not like you need to kick her out of your life. Invite her over to your place (by herself) for some fun family time next weekend.
I'm not in the once an abuser always an abuser camp (especially if he only has problems when drunk) but alcoholism is a tough disease to kick. If one wife already divorced him over it I'd be pretty surprised if he makes a major life change over being kicked out of the house for a short period. |
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11-19-2012, 12:53 PM | #10 |
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You don't have the right to tell your mother how to live her life.
You DO have the right to tell how you're going to live YOUR OWN. You also have the right to let her know you don't approve of her letting herself be a doormat for a man. You're absolutely doing the right thing. |
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11-19-2012, 12:55 PM | #11 |
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I'm not saying anything about your mom, but women who stay in abusive relationships do it because they like it. You're absolutely right to do what you're doing.
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11-19-2012, 12:56 PM | #12 |
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I wouldn't take my kids anywhere near that b@stard.
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11-19-2012, 01:04 PM | #13 |
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Hit him with some laughing gas while hes not paying attention and pull his teeth.
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11-19-2012, 01:10 PM | #14 |
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Invite her to your house instead.
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11-19-2012, 01:15 PM | #15 |
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Let's do a scenario analysis. Others can chime in if I'm missing something.
Scenario 1. You go and he goes. You both want to be with your mother on the holiday. You both have equal access, and it shows that he can't control her access. It's a draw until she decides that he has to go. Scenario 2. You don't go and he goes. It shows him that he can further control your mother just by showing up. He limits her interaction with you, and he wins. I don't think it'll force a long-term breakup, so there's no direct win here other than maybe a short-term win by creating Scenario 3. Scenario 3. You go and he doesn't go. If he doesn't go at your mother's request, it may put her more at risk for abuse later, though I think it's a long-term win. However, it probably causes her some short-term resentment toward you and won't do anything to solve the long-term problem. It's a win for you, but with some damage. Scenario 4. You don't go and he doesn't go. Your mom eats a bunch of turkey and falls asleep on the couch during the Lions game.
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